Why Are So Many Americans Choosing to Not Have Children?
Why Are So Many Americans Choosing to Not Have Children?
It’s probably not selfishness, experts say. Even young adults who want children see an increasing number of obstacles.
It’s probably not selfishness, experts say. Even young adults who want children see an increasing number of obstacles.
For years, some conservatives have framed the declining fertility rate of the United States as an example of eroding family values, a moral catastrophe in slow motion.
JD Vance, the Republican vice-presidential nominee, recently came under fire for saying in 2021 that the nation was run by “childless cat ladies” who “hate normal Americans for choosing family over these ridiculous D.C. and New York status games.”
Last year, Ashley St. Clair, a Fox News commentator, described childless Americans this way: “They just want to pursue pleasure and drinking all night and going to Beyoncé concerts. It’s this pursuit of self-pleasure in replace of fulfillment and having a family.”
Researchers who study trends in reproductive health see a more nuanced picture. The decision to forgo having children is most likely not a sign that Americans are becoming more hedonistic, they say. For one thing, fertility rates are declining throughout the developed world.
Rather, it indicates that larger societal factors — such as rising child care costs, increasingly expensive housing and slipping optimism about the future — have made it feel more untenable to raise children in the United States.
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“They just want to pursue pleasure and drinking all night and going to Beyoncé concerts. It’s this pursuit of self-pleasure in replace of fulfillment and having a family.”
I'm not gonna argue with this.
For reference, I turned twenty in 1997. Initially it was about money. But then it became apparent, as so many of my friends were having kids, that not having kids was much more fun and liberating. Yes, I am selfish.
I would imagine that my combination of experiences (financial struggles > self-realization) isn't as unique today as it was twenty years ago.
Moreover, I think it's worth discussing the ramifications of over/under population. Until we find a magical self-sustaining power source for the planet, and maybe not even then, too many people on this globe will cause it to reject us. On the other hand, a shrinking population means pending economic disaster. These next generations are going to have to choose between a livable planet or economic security. Err, I mean our global corporate overlords are going to give us no choice but to make the planet less livable.
I've always been confused by these conversations though. Aren't people who are having kids doing so because they want to, whatever want might mean to them? Fulfilling just seems like another way to pursue fulfillment/happiness or whatever it is that individuals pursue.
When my wife and I chose to have kids, we enjoyed it. We derive fulfillment and satisfaction out of raising kids. Yeah it's frustrating at times, and you do have trade-offs, but we did it because we wanted to, to feel happy/fulfilled. We didn't start a lifelong journey to support children into adulthood out of some weird sense of patriotism or something. Anyone doing that is weird.
Sure - you do you. I respect the choices and priorities you and your wife share. I didn't say I'm making "the right" choice and others are wrong.
In the long run, I'm envious of the relationships parents build with their children. There's nothing more rewarding.
I'm the kid who ate the marshmallow when left alone. You're probably the one who waited five minutes for two.
I don't think the other commentter was disagreeeing with you or trying to compare. They said that they chose to have children for the same reasons you chose not to. (I am also a parent who chose kids for the fulfillment/happiness and not as some weird effort to build political power or something.)
You choosing not to have kids is perfectly normal and fine in my book. It is fucking strange to pressure other people into having children.
I think both the previous commenter and I are trying to back you up more than trying to argue you made a wrong choice.
Like the other replier noted, you misunderstand my point. People having kids because it's what they want isn't selfless anymore than choosing not to have kids is selfish.
Shrinking population will be the least of our problem, in fact the opposite will happen (despite globally shrinking population). Huge areas in the global south will become uninhabitable rather soon, and if we don't want to be complicit in a global genocide we will have to take some of them in. This will more than off-set any local population decline and we will rather have to scramble to provide affordable housing to all.
Right. But also... As the population shrinks (in addition to AI / robotization), we're on track for a global economic catastrophe.
When businesses can no longer grow, due to people not having enough money and there being fewer consumers, the stock markets will (slowly) crash. As that happens, corporations will scramble to keep afloat. As major employers struggle to employ workers, the unemployment rate rises. Combined: this means less tax revenue, less social services, less economic prosperity. People complain about inflation but deflation is far worse when the population is already in a decline. Governments will scramble to inject free money into the economy. Bonds could become worthless.
The global economy that's been growing for the past fifty years may crumble in the next fifty years. People may need to rebuild smaller local economies.
It's actually very interesting. As the population has grown and technology has put the entire planet in the palm of our hands, we as a civilization have grown more apart from each other - instead choosing to reside in the bubbles of our choosing. If the population declines and larger economies struggle, perhaps we'll need to go back to a time with mom and pop shops and learn to be more neighborly.
In the near term, I think the economic impact would be far greater than ecological impact. Though I think the ecological impact certainly may have a more long term role to play in humanity's story.
But, I'm not an expert in either of these things. I welcome any source materials studying the matter. I would imagine that some one / group has compiled a formula to define the perfect equilibrium for the planet - combining population growth, employment rates, productivity rates, energy consumption, depletion of natural resources, etc. I'd venture to guess we passed that point around 2010.
There is nothing selfish about not having children. Ask any parent why they wanted children, and the answer is often "I just wanted them", "otherwise, who would take care of me when I'm old?", or "I wanted a little version of myself". All selfish.
Of course, so many people have children accidentally without actively wanting them that I think a lot of reasons are made up after the child has already been birthed.
I've had similar conversations in the past. I think there's some nuance to it and everyone has their own prerogatives.
I suppose a truly selfless act is one where you don't expect anything in return. There's little guarantee you'll get anything from being a parent other than maybe pride. You're investing in a future that may not exist. You're dumping everything you have and even what you don't have (ie, second mortgage for college tuition) into something you can only hope will generate a small amount of future benefit for yourself. Mostly, it's hoping that you've done the best you possibly can to make someone else's life the best it possibly can be.
Not having children means every investment or action I take has little impact on anyone but myself. If I fuck up, if I go to jail, if I can't pay my bills, if I'm barely able to care for myself (let alone another person), it's all about me. Conversely, if I want the lottery, if I take up new hobbies and interests, if I choose to live a lavish or minimalist life is all about me. I have no one to worry about – therefore it's, by definition, a selfish life.
For my entire life, I have the choice to be selfish or selfless. I can choose to spend a year living in isolation or working for a food bank or busting my ass for my employer or traveling the world. Not having a child means I have no restrictions to making these choices at any given moment. Every benefit or detriment or opportunity or restriction that exists in my world is based on my own previous actions and choices. I have no one to consider going forward. I have no one to blame but myself.
Your second paragraph implies that parents experience no joy or other not-selfless feelings as a result of having the child. That is a reward.
And you're simply logically incorrect to say that your actions don't impact others if you don't have children. I can't even begin to imagine where you came up with that idea.