Ooh, this is a great template, can be applied to all variety of bigotry, which people feel is ok as long as it's aimed at other bigots, ignoring the fact that all they're doing is putting more bigotry out in to the world, and telling marginalised people around them that they aren't safe.
can be applied to any shitty behaviour tbh. Too many people think that once someone is shitty to them, they have free reign to also be shitty as a payback. They think they gave the asshole a piece of their own medicine, but actually they started rolling in the mud with them
Calling an asshole an asshole has no oppressive or marginalising power. It is a direct consequence of someone's behaviour, and has no impact on anyone but the asshole being called an asshole. Take it a step further and switch "asshole" to "Nazi" then go read about the paradox of tolerance and the social contract theory that resolves it.
Misgendering on the other hand (just like using sexist, racist, ableist and so on language) reinforces the existing structures of marginalising and oppressive powers, and has a deep and harmful impact not on the, for example, transphobe you're misgendering, but on trans people you're supposedly attacking the transphobe to defend.
This outrageous comparison between someone shitty being called shitty, and a transphobe being misgendered, is exactly the kind of bullshit bigots and other bullies twist to make themselves the victims and whine about being oppressed when they are the ones oppressing others.
Don't buy in to it, and definitely don't play along, unless you want to enable them.
nowhere did i say that calling an asshole an asshole is bad. What i did say that acting like an asshole towards the asshole is bad, as it lowers you to the same level as them, and additionally reinforces the asshole's behaviour & continues the cycle of assholery
Yeah, it's going pretty damn hard. There's so many different things it fits on, like all the different kinds of bodyshaming (e.g. fat shaming, calling something "small dick energy", talking about Trump's small hands).