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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were travelling abroad and needed a place to sleep for the night. They stopped at a farm and asked the farmer if they could sleep there. The farmer said "Yes, you can. But all of you must promise not to have sex with my beautiful daughter." They all solemnly agreed and were shown to their room for the night.
One by one though, each of them was overcome by temptation and sneaked down the hall to farmer's daughter's bedroom to have their wicked way with her.
I'm the morning they came downstairs and were greeted by the farmer. "Good morning!" he said, "I hope you all slept well. Take a basket each and go out and pick something from my farm to eat for breakfast". Being very hungry from their travels they all eagerly went out to look for their favourite food.
The first to return was the Englishman. The farmer was waiting for him - with a loaded shotgun. "I know what you did last night!" shouted the farmer, pointing his gun at the Englishman. The Englishman threw his hands up in the air, dropping the basket of strawberries he'd picked for breakfast. "Bend over and put those strawberries up your arse and let that be a lesson to you!" The Englishman did as he was told and pushed the strawberries up his bum. Seeing that the farmer was satisfied the Englishman ran out the door and off into the distance.
Next to return was the Scotsman. "What did you pick for breakfast young man?" asked the farmer. "I picked carrots" answered the Scotsman. "Well put them up your arse you dirty bastard!" screamed the farmer, pulling out the shotgun "I know what you did last night!" "Please dont shoot me sir!" Cried the Scotsman, as he painfully pushed each of the carrots up his bum before making a break for it and running out of the house.
Last to return was the Irishman, carrying his basket on his back. "You dirty lying son of a bitch!" screamed the farmer "You had sex with my daughter last night!" "Now tell me what you picked for breakfast."
The Irishman heaved his basket onto the floor with a thud.
They both looked down at its contents.
"I picked a pumpkin sir."
The version I know is that they will only live if they can stick the fruit/vegetable in their ass without making a sound, and they were shot because they couldn’t stop giggling because they saw the third guy carrying <whatever large produce>.
That man's name, Goatse.
I was thinking more like a 1Guy1Jar type of thing, but with a pumpkin. At least it won't shatter into glass shards this time!
(I can still clearly hear the sound of the glass after all these years...)