And HR people can never be trusted to be on your side on any issue. Never, ever confide in an HR person, getting rid of you in some way is always the easiest solution to any problem.
Only when you first take outside council and then go to HR through them, do you have some sort of protection from getting swept under the rug.
Exactly. It's no different than never, ever, EVER saying a word to the capital defense force police(in the US). Nothing good and only bad can come of it. The rare honest US cop will tell you that themselves, when they aren't busy beating a minority/homeless person senseless and planting drugs on them, at least.
That is what HR is, your office cop. Anything you say can and will be used against you.
As a white-passing clearly upper middle class person, I have been in situations where I just told the cop exactly what I was doing and why I was there, and got told "well you can't be here now, go home". It helped that I wasn't up to anything illicit, but the determining factor was my Pantone ranking and grooming.
If I'd said "I won't say anything to you without a lawyer", I probably would have been in for a lot of hassling.
I'm not saying "be respectful and it'll be good" or any of that bullshit (got biracial kids, that isn't the talk I'm going to have).
The bit from formerly-funny Dave Chappele where the white guy tells the cop "I'm sorry, I didn't know I couldn't do that" has a chunk of truth in it.
While it is a generalization, HR is there to represent the company, not you. Good HR personnel will do their best to accommodate both... but their job is on the line if they cause harm to the company by supporting you instead.
It's not good to just assume that everyone in certain positions is an evil ghoul who is just out to screw you... but it's worse to assume they're your friend and there to help you no matter what.
Don't know what country you live in, but I worked in HR and I would've had the company's ass if they'd tried to fire me because I supported a co-worker. And that's why this generalization is so sucky. In my opinion generalization is one of mankind's worst diseases we have. So be terrific and be specific.
Yes and she's an idiot for doing so. But just because someone else is doing the same thing, doesn't mean it justifies a response with just as much generalization.
The company often has more resources than you, and while many countries have strong support for their workers, it's not a golden bullet. It's still often a long and arduous process that would drive anyone insane.
Sure, maybe in your experience, you think you'd rake them over the coals in your imaginary scenario... but it's nowhere near clear cut in reality.
So don't presume to assume that your viewpoint is universal either.