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The current climate of "discourse" in the US works against effective teaching. I do know what I'm talking about here; teaching emotionally charged subjects was my strength but it's nearly impossible to online these days.
I have no idea how you get out of this dynamic when it's become so deeply embedded in how things are done, just that for every person who manages to learn something amidst the shouting, another is driven further away from what you wish to teach. But this is where we are and what we have to work with.
This can be true along with the unfairness of putting the burden on the disadvantaged side. I don't know the answer. Perhaps there isn't one.
I've been in forums since the 90s, and if anything it seems to me like many people are more open to discourse now. I got called the f-slur so much back then. The reason it probably seemed better back then to non-LGBT+ people is that they were excluding and marginalizing us.
And if we welcome people like those I refer to in my post, we will be once again excluding and marginalizing LGBT+ people by creating a hostile space.
I don't think things have gotten worse. It's just that whenever we get the slightest step towards equity, bigots push back. The only solution I know is to make that impossible for them.