5:01 and Done: No One Wants to Schmooze After Work
5:01 and Done: No One Wants to Schmooze After Work
Office happy hours, client dinners and other after-hours work gatherings lose their luster as more people feel the pull of home.
Office happy hours, client dinners and other after-hours work gatherings lose their luster as more people feel the pull of home
Patience for after-hours work socializing is wearing thin.
After an initial burst of postpandemic happy hours, rubber chicken dinners and mandatory office merriment, many employees are adopting a stricter 5:01-and-I’m-done attitude to their work schedules. More U.S. workers say they’re trying to draw thicker lines between work and the rest of life, and that often means clocking out and eschewing invites to socialize with co-workers. Corporate event planners say they’re already facing pushback for fall activities and any work-related functions that take place on weekends.
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ITT: I don't want to ever socialize with my co-workers Also: How do you make friends as an adult?
Look I'm not a huge fan of forced socialization myself. I HATE small talk. I'm looking for the door before I have the first drink in my hand at "networking events". But I also know one of the biggest opportunities I have to meet new people as an adult is at at work. So I choose the situation carefully to make sure it's one I'm comfortable with and I give it a go. I've made a few lasting friends, people I play soccer with, people I invite over my house, people who my other friends got tight with, and over all growing my social group. A number of them don't even work for the same company anymore, or in my immediate office at least.
I'm not saying to do anything you don't want to do, and forced fun can suck, but if you DO want to meet people in life and make friends, don't force-limit your opportunities to interact with new people. Pick, or even suggest!, the situation that works for you.
Unless you have a hobby where you interact with people outside of work, your co-workers are your friends that you make as an adult. Some people I'm good friends with started as co-workers because I got to know them, we move on in different directions and stay in touch.
You will only ever make friends from pooled social gatherings (whether hobby, online, etc.), the most common one available for adults with the least effort are other co-workers.
All of my close friends were coworkers at one point. A few were friends first but most were not. It helps that my jobs have always been tech related so there’s always something to talk about. Even if it’s just commiserating on tech debt lol.
I tried making friends when my coworkers when I started my job and learned I have very little in common with any of them. It’s not like I didn’t try. Now that I know we can’t be friends, I don’t want to spend any more time with them than I have to. Is that so hard to understand?
Nope, not hard to understand. But that's a different context than people's blanket, "No".
I can very much relate to being in a work environment where I there was no one I'd choose to interact with outside of professional conversation or idle water-cooler talk; if even that!
I've also been lucky enough to be in other ones where I've made great friends that I've had over for game nights, taken road trips with, invited to my house, been to their wedding (and they mine), and gone to shows with.
All I'm suggesting is to be open to it.
I admit it's hard for me to make friends, but I'm not going to force a friendship with people with whom I have very little in common aside from working in the same office.
Yup, 100% with you there. I'm just saying that friendship can start with that one thing in common and grow. Or fizzle out when you quickly figure out it's the only thing in common.
As another responder said, work is potentially your largest adult social pool to source from. Don't dismiss it. But of course don't feel obligated either.
My experience with work "friends" has always gone this way:
- I try to be friendly and approachable.
- People start asking you consistently for favors, help, and to stick up for them and their issues. I also find that the more they know about you, the easier it is to ask for shit ("hey I remember you said/are/live around/have X, so I was wondering if you could do Y for me")
- Once that happens it's impossible to shake them off without sounding like an asshole.
The only solution I see to this curse is to just avoid getting cornered in that situation. I avoid most socializing because of that.
Now add to this the fact I'm severely underpaid compared to the rest of the team (who do the same thing I do), that I got a promotion with no raise, and than my duties consistently increase, then it would be clear why I only do what's needed for the job.