Do you find it easier to communicate with autistic/neurodivergent people, or neurotypicals?
Do you find it easier to communicate with autistic/neurodivergent people, or neurotypicals?
I primarily ask this, because for a large part of my life, I have found it hard to build meaningful friendships with neurotypicals. I don't know any autistic people in real life, but wonder if it would be easier for me to build friendships with them?
Or maybe this has more to do with general struggles of being autistic, rather than how alike I am to others. However, I always find neurotypicals don't really go deep in conversation, but they enjoy small talk. Yet, I'm the complete opposite.
What has been your experience?
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Do they call themselves/identify as neurotypicals, or are you just calling them that?
It might be that you are assuming typicality when they have communication requirements you are failing to account for, making it hard for them.
They might enjoy deep conversation rather than small talk but find it difficult to engage with your approach. Maybe give them a little time and let them feel comfortable in the process rather than pressuring them?
You have some good points. I have assumed them as neurotypicals, for one reason or another.
Maybe, I could try being mindful of everyone's communication style. Trying different things, and seeing what works best for each person.
I don't think I consciously pressure them. I generally don't initiate deep conversation, as it has not always gone well in the past, so now I just mask with small talk, despite hating it. But I will try to be mindful of my approach nonetheless.
I'm not sure it is useful to label anyone as neurotypical. It's a point on a scale, a notional best fit, and not a reality. Sure, some people are closer to that point, but I find everyone has their own diversity.
You suggest trying different things, and I think that's a brilliant stalrategy.
My go-to is to ask people what they are really into. I ask it pretty bluntly.
That said, some folk, no matter what, just might not have much to say, so don't be hard on yourself.
Also, what are you really into?
You're perspective is good, because it's challenging my own perspective in a constructive way.
I'm not sure it is useful to label anyone as neurotypical. It's a point on a scale, a notional best fit, and not a reality. Sure, some people are closer to that point, but I find everyone has their own diversity.
That might be the black and white thinking coming out. But it may also be the point I'm at. I'm frustrated, because I have a hard time connecting with others, and I'm trying to figure out why that is, and what I can do, to change that.
That said, some folk, no matter what, just might not have much to say, so don't be hard on yourself.
Yeah okay. I have a tendency towards self-criticism.
Also, what are you really into?
I like certain niche anime's, like Serial Experiments Lain, Ergo Proxy, and some not so niche but are interesting conceptually, like Psycho-Pass. I seem to find Japan interesting, despite the cultural issues they appear to have. I like psychology and philosophy, especially around trying to be the best person reasonably possible, and trying to let go, of what one cannot control. To challenge my unhealthy behaviours and thoughts, and guide myself to a more healthy outlook. I also seem to find anything that relates to understanding myself interesting, because I have struggled to understand why I always struggled, when others appeared not to. Even if what I saw of others was just a facade? I care a lot about trying to have a good quality of life, and building meaningful relationships with others. Though, I find the latter very difficult.
What are you really into?
I'm also enjoying this conversation because it is helping me think through ways of connecting and communicating.
You seem to work on self improvent in lots of different ways, and that is really commendable. Especially trying to understand yourself and the world through philosophy and psychology.
Anime! I'm afraid I only know a little... when I was younger I watched Fist of The North Star, and now I sit with my niece as she watches My Hero Academia. I'm very much a fan of studio Ghibli too. Are there any that you would recommend to someone like me? Casual and easier to get into?
I've always wanted to see japan, their culture is complex and fascinating. Their food is delicious.
I do read quite a lot of Japanese literature though. Have you ever encountered Kobo Abe? He's a writer, musician and artist. He Wrote a book called 'The Box Man'. It's a bout a man who one day moves into a large cardboard box and refuses to leave it. It is a little surreal, and funny and bleak at the same time. I'm not sure a Western writer could have pulled off such a work. It's also fairly short and there are good translations out there.
It really resonated with me when I found it hard to relate to the world, particularly socially.
As for what I'm into, I really, really geek out over modern art. I can't explain it, but I just find so much joy in looking at paintings and sculptures. I can spend hours alone with them and not really feel alone, or I can see things that I've never thought of. Some of it repulses me, but I've learnt to find enjoyment in that too. It's as deep as I want it to be. Sometimes it can be surface, "that's pretty" or sometimes it can be conceptual and philosophical.
For what it's worth, you come across as a a very clear and friendly communicator. I really appreciate the time you have taken to reply to me too. Thank you.
I'm glad the conversation is mutually beneficial.
Yeah, I think my drive for self-improvement is related to my experiences growing up. I guess that drive and interest is doing me some good.
Studio Ghibli is great. Spirited Away is one of my favourite anime films. For recommendations, I really liked Dr. Stone. It is a pretty recent anime, that a lot of people like. It is about a strange lifht that causes everyone to become petrified, for thousands of years. One day, the main character wakes up, and uses his knowledge of science to try to help other people wake up, and to rebuild civilisation. Honey and Clover is an anime about art, which I enjoyed some time ago. Barakamon, is about calligraphy, and I found it quite interesting. The character development was also good. Your Lie in April was a good anime about music. It deals with some heavy themes, such as trauma, depression, etc, but I enjoyed it. A Silent Voice is a good anime movie, that deals with some heavy themes as well, such as trauma, disability, bullying, etc, but I really liked it. Erased is also a good 12 episode mystery anime, that deals with more heavy themes.
In terms of Japanese writers, I have only really heard of Haruki Murakami, Osamu Dazai and Natsume Soseki. I have tried reading a bit of Osamu's writing, but found it a bit morbid for me? I read some of Haruki Murakami's works in school for literature. It was quite surreal, I didn't mind it. It's not what I'm used to, but it was definitely different, which is not a bad thing. I haven't tried reading works from other Japanese writers. Kobo Abe sounds interesting. It sounds like he does creative works in multiple mediums, which is quite cool. I'll give 'The Box Man' a read. It sounds interesting. It's been awhile since I have read a good book.
Art is cool. I never got into it too deeply, but I used to do a lot more creative things, then I do now. Art definitely has a way of moving people, and expressing one's inner world. I certainly respect art, and the artists who create it. Do you create any art yourself? It sounds like you get a lot of joy out of looking at art. Do you find going to art exhibitions enjoyable? Do you have a favourite artist?
I used to draw a lot at one point. Especially as a kid. At another point I was also writing stories and poems. I still like writing, but find fictional writing more difficult. I tend to focus more on any insights I have through my own experience of life, I do still write poetry from time to time. I would like to write more fictional stories though. During my teenage years, I played music a lot. Mainly guitar, but I also played with synths, and bass guitar. Writing is probably, where I'm best, and have the most ease creatively speaking.
It's good to hear we are both enjoying the conversation.