Elon Musk Says He Might Put X/Twitter Behind A Paywall

At a press conference today, Musk was quoted as saying:

Look at me. Look at me. Please, God, I need people to be paying attention to me and validating me all the time. Ever since I fucked it up with my hot goth gf I've been an absolute mess of transparent attempts to remain relevant. I tried to gain your approval by doing what I guessed would be cool guy shit like going on stage with Dave Chappelle and yelling at you small people about how rich I am. I did the meme thing with the fake money and the fun monkey pictures. I spent billions evading your blocks on Twitter. I give up. You don't have to love me. No one will ever love me. But I need you to always be looking at me.

Musk then produced an acoustic guitar and began to play a cover of Matchbox 20's "Push". According to reports, the entrepreneur who used his slave-generated wealth to build a private space program was on the verge of tears and within shouting distance of the key as he sang the line "Don't just stand there/say nice things to me/cuz I've been cheated and I've been wronged".