For example, one review writes, "really good and kind of underrated." Then proceeds to give it a 7/10.
One reviewer informs potential viewers that the movie intended for children isn't intented for adults.
One critic says, "The nostalgists and fanboys are welcome to this one." Then gives a 1/4. Which isn't really a review it's just him insulting the fan base.
One critic calls it a "90-minute television episode." When in fact it is a movie to complement a television series.
So, if this is all kosher with you then I guess you're just better then anyone who might appreciate the big swings and true to genre themes that this movie is all about.
You gotta relax my man, reviews are subjective and scores don't matter. Nobody is going to rotten tomatoes to decide if they're going to watch Transformers 1986, they've already decided. Find some reviewers who align with your taste and follow their recommendations, that's why critics exist in the first place.
So your problem with critic reviews is they don't hold your opinion about Transformers? I don't find any of the takes particularly vapid. They actually find the movie vapid.
If you don't see that these reviews are a mockery to critics with real insight, I can't help you. I would expect the review of a critic to exceed the nuance an ordinary audience member could provide.
It absolutely was a toy commercial, meant to introduce its audience to a new line of characters as sales were flagging for the old toys. It blew up in their faces when all the kids got all upsetti spaghetti over the deaths of their most beloved characters, so much so that the GIJoe movie had to be rewritten because Duke was meant to die.