I, too, hate being surrounded by a warm and plentiful gathering of friends and loved ones singing a song of appreciation for me. Every year! Without fail! All of them never forgetting. There are always so many of them! Like, just for once, let me have a birthday alone in a Texas Roadhouse, which I have never done!
I had a big party my mom threw for my 40th birthday because she has a huge house and lives in the town where I grew up and half the people there never left. Another good percentage of them moved back. Anyway, I mostly ended up only talking to a handful of people who sort of monopolized me, so it was less fun than it could have been. Don't get me wrong, it was great talking to them since I hadn't talked to them in ages, but I ended up wishing I had talked to more people. I haven't had a party since. Next year will be my 47th. Maybe if my mom is still around when I'm 50 she'll do it again.
Definitely sucks to be remembered. Being forgotten and ignored is a much better way to live life. So much more fulfilling. Especially if you're down to only a few remaining friends. The rest home is going to be awesome.
It's so calm, no pressure, no expectations, no humans, just drifting slowly towards the warm embrace is the abyss. Even if it looks back at me - at least it's not a human.