Had my final assessment for autism the other day
Had my final assessment for autism the other day
I was diagnosed 7 years ago as autistic, though I didnt realise at the time it was a diagnosis, I was informed a few years later that what I thought was a specialists opinion was actually a formal diagnosis. But due to family history, my adhd was addressed first. They were supposed to refer me to autism specialist after the adhd stuff but due to mistakes I got discharged and it took a few years and a few phone calls to correct the mistake. So I knew I have adhd, I understood I was a bit autistic. Fast forward to this week, I got a call after my assessment, and I score extremely high for autism. I was a bit surprised by that, as I function mostly quite well in my day to day despite some things maybe being a little harder for me than other people. My specialist explained that an ability to function does not measure someones level of autism. So now I guess im very autistic.
Its bittersweet. Its helpful to know and im being given resources and access to groups for coping and one that helps you stay in work - which is the important one for me as before my current job where my manager has been very patient and understanding, I have always had a lot of problems with employment. Im still not quite processing it fully, but Ive felt some hints inside myself that this does also make me feel a bit sad, but I probably wont be sure of that until later on one night when I cant get to sleep due to delayed processing.
Groups like this and others have been a big help throughout my diagnoses journey, and alongside reading about autism research and speaking with people in these groups, ive learnt a lot about myself and ways to manage my daily life and lessen the impact of everything.
I still feel like a bit of an imposter when seeking help, as I am very high functioning, and can pass as quite intelligent in most settings, and working at a job where I often encounter low functioning and even non verbal poung people, its hard to feel like I deserve to ask for help in the first place.
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I still feel like a bit of an imposter when seeking help, as I am very high functioning, and can pass as quite intelligent in most settings, and working at a job where I often encounter low functioning and even non verbal poung people, its hard to feel like I deserve to ask for help in the first place.
I feel this. I was also diagnosed as an adult and I also pass well. The first time telling my friends about my then-new diagnosis was met with the reaction "what, no you're not!" and I'm still mentally affected by that conversation. Dealing with guilt and imposter syndrome type feelings is tough. I don't really have any advice but I know how you feel, at least.
I had the opposite reaction from people. Like I still feel like I'm pretty highly functioning, or thought I was, but once I found out my friends and family were like 'well yeah, you were the only one who didn't know.' So I said fuck it and mask less now cause apparently it wasn't working in the first place.
If you ever feel like an imposter just walk into a busy public bathroom like at Walmart or a big gas station. Do your business. Wash your hands, and let the commotion, lack of personal space, and horrible air dryer noise shatter your soul and know that you're autistic.
Gave me a chuckle. Tried to go out in Soho, London the other night with a friend - locals will know. It was horrible.