Update: My gf (f23) found an old video of me (m22) with an ex and wont talk to me now.
Update: My gf (f23) found an old video of me (m22) with an ex and wont talk to me now.
https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/3297580
Well idk how to feel rn. I wrote her a handwritten letter and gave her 24 hours to either come over and have a follow up conversation or I'll assume we're over. (Had no intention of a break up)
Rn I'm in bed and she's asleep next to me. We had a good conversation, we both apologised. I'm considering aaking my ex to delete the videos with me off the internet. No my gf didnt ask this of me and I didnt offee either, I might just do this myself, (I like my online privacy and dont have any social media account outside of this anyways).
I did a tonne of reassuring which I think did well. In person and in the letter. Promises were made on both ends.
Now for the bad part and I cannot believe Im putting this online, we just had the most disturbing sex ever. It would be normal in any other circumstance but for the fact that it was almost entirely what the video wth my ex was. This would still not be weird perhaps if there weren't things we had never done before together.
So its new stuff and exactly what was in the video. This was creepy, was it not?? Maybe she thinks it's things I like is my current assumption but idk. It's been a while and my thoughts are rather scattered atm.
- What was the point of this?
- Do I bring this up?
- How do I bring this up?
- What do I even complain about here?
- Is she actually fine now or is there still an issue?
Ps. Thank you for everyones takes on the first post. For anyone saying we're to immature to be in a relationship, we might be immature but we wanna grow together and see where this takes us. Hopefully this is a forever kinda thing.
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If she initiated these new things, then I think you’re right that she thinks you like them, and doesn’t want to lose you over her not being willing to do them.
First, get things straight in your own head about would you like to have done any of those things with her if you had not seen the video?
Then, once you have an idea about what you like or don’t, tell her something like “hey, while (the things you like) I do like and would like to keep doing, if it’s ok with you, (the things you don’t like) were her idea, and I don’t want you to feel like it’s something we have to do together because it’s not something I particularly enjoy. I much prefer (doing this thing you two did together, that your ex didn’t do).” Even if that thing is just holding hands after or something like that, not necessarily kinky.
The main thing to remember is that you’re her first, so she has no frame of reference to compare you too, whereas you have an ex that she’s worried she’s being compared to.
So just let her know that your happy with how the relationship is, and exactly what you said at the end of your post, that you want to grow together and view this as the relationship of not just your present, but far in the future as well, so she shouldn’t have any concerns.
Those are the reassurances I've been offering for a while now. Thank you for the advice.