job and being unemployed
job and being unemployed
hey. quick disclaimer: this post isn't for job advices or recommendations, but mostly about dealing with being disabled & unemployed.
sometimes i feel pathetic i can't find a job. and even more: i've never really had a job. volunteering, trading? yes, plenty of times. but the job? like, never. nothing about money, even if freelance. not even mentioning something "official".
sometimes i even lie to people i have a job. without details or vaguely. or about job i am technically did: art or coding or gamedev for fun or trade. i feel ashamed of being like this. i feel like a burden for my partner i live with.
genuinely, i want to have work. i'm not idealistic about this, nor pessimistic. i'm not going to work in places i can't hadle at all (social). but i really want to work. like, i already know how commissions work. i have some desires of creating something & being payed for it. or even go to the army (Ukrainian moment).
but i can't right now. i'm already 24 y.o., and i feel like there is something wrong with me.
is there anybody with the same problems? or maybe, someone who's dealing with it better than i am? i am open for advice or just listen to your experience.
thanks for reading.
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There's nothing wrong with you. You are allowed to not work. You àre allowed to not feel guilty or bad about it. Honestly, if our world wasn't terrible like it is, probably only like 10% of people would have to work at all, 90% or more of our economy is setup to produce all kinds of luxury goods that aren't necessary. The only reason there's this much to do is because everyone always wants more, more, more, everyone wants to go travel everywhere, drive an expensive car, have the latest phone and so on and so on. If you can not participate in this stupid shit, all the more power to you, more should be able to.
Does your partner have a problem with you not working? Any other people that are close to you? You're feeling worthless/shame/guilt, usually that only happens because other people shame you or treat you so. Who treats you like that? If it's a general "society" where this feeling comes from, fuck them. Society is not worth your respect or consideration, the amount of fucked it is, you don't owe it anything. If it is coming from people close to you... Let's just say maybe they shouldn't be close to you.
Does your partner feel like you're a burden? Did you ask them?
thank you for kind words T_T
Does your partner have a problem with you not working?
no, not at all. they're also autistic, and they know how it feels. so it's all kinda... my projections, mostly. i know i'm not a burden for them, but i still feel like it.