Does the Minecraft movie really look that bad? Only a 10-year-old can tell us

In A Minecraft Movie, a group of humans are sucked into the Overworld, the dimension where Minecraft is real. A nonplussed Momoa is fresh back from getting his highlights and bangs done at the hairdresser, having accidentally picked up the wrong pink coat. Danielle Brooks from Orange Is the New Black is there with some “kids” (including 22-year-old Emma Myers from Wednesday). Here they meet Steve, one of the default characters from Minecraft, who comes in a light blue T-shirt and jeans and played by Jack Black, who after last year’s performance as Bowser in the Super Mario movie is surely regarded by Warner Bros as something of a success talisman. “This guy is such a toolbag,” moans Myers.

“Anything you can dream about, here you can make,” explains Black to our bewildered heroes, as cuboid pigs fly past and pink blocky sheep go “baa”. To get back home “they’ll have to master this world (and protect it from evil things such as piglins and zombies, too) while embarking on a magical quest.” Told you.

The reactions to the trailer have gone from “horrifying”, “devastating” and “expensively naff” to “painful for the parents who are going to be dragged along to see it” and “worst thing to happen in cinema in 2024”. But, like many video game spin-off movies, it isn’t aimed at adult film critics. The Guardian’s Peter Bradshaw, who knows his cinematic onions, was so critical in his two-star review of 2023’s The Super Mario Bros Movie (as was The Observer’s Wendy Ide in her one-star review) that Guardian games editor Keza MacDonald felt moved to defend it as a decent translation of the games, even if it’s not that good a movie.

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So what does a real connoisseur think? “I think it looks pants,” says 10-year-old Arlo, whom I rudely interrupt playing some post-school Roblox on the iPad.