cats @lemmy.world Banshee @midwest.social 1 mo. ago

Cat Advice: Rehoming a recent stray?

My fiance and I took in a stray female kitten about 3 months ago. She was 2 months old at the time, so 5 months now. She showed up at my fiance's coworker's door and once my partner saw the pictures, she wanted her.

I'm going to be honest and say that I didn't want to take her in. My fiance must have asked over 30 times in 2 weeks. She was in tears pleading before I finally caved. And I regret it. I regret it a lot.

We are not equipped to handle her. We live in a loft style apartment with only one door (to the bathroom). She doesn't have enough space to be a cat, and we're gone an average of 9-10 hours a day for work.

Our cat can be really sweet when she's calm, but that's increasingly rare as she gets more bored with the lack of human companionship. She's even losing interest in her toys and I just don't think this environment is good for her.

Beyond that, I just need space from her. My job is stressful (as is my partner's) and I don't have the mental or physical energy to give this kitten attention, and nowhere to go to get a break. It's reached a point where I dread coming home and I enjoy work more.

This cat is just an unrelenting ball of energy. She's destructive, she doesn't know what boundaries are, etc. And while none of that is her fault, I'm just not ready for it. I have too much on my plate already. I even started therapy just to try to find ways to cope, but I'm frequently the target of our cat's play aggression and none of the therapy exercises help me deal with that.

I am stuck doing most of the cat duties because, despite her repeated assurances, my fiance will not step up and do much to care for her.

But at the same time, I worry about what her life will be like if we send her to a shelter. Where should I even begin? The vet we got her fixed at just said "well, what did you expect? She's a kitten." Which is true, but not very helpful.

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There's a lot in here (implied or otherwise) re:relationship that just screams 'you are not happy'. cat aside, I would sit down and think about that.

As for the kitten. They really aren't as hands-on as you make them sound. Have you ever had a cat before? Cat's are one of, if not the most independent pets you can get. Provide food/water, and keep their waste area clean is pretty much all you need to do. That said there are things you can do that will improve the quality of life for both you and the cat:

Give it high places to hang out. You can buy or make your own Cat stands that have platforms way up high for them to perch, and also make good scratching posts. Put one next to a large window (preferably one that gets lots of sun) and you'll know where the cat is 80% of the day. Advanced setups where the cat has walkways around the entire house above head level will make the cat very happy, but this is a bit much for beginners.

Provide it with warm spots. At least a mat where sun through a window shines (or that aforementioned carpeted stand)

Spend time with the cat whenever it is willing AND you are able. Give the cat space when it isn't interested in you, and set the cat aside when it is and you are busy. My favourite toy to play with cats is a laser pointer but, this is very important, you need to let the cat 'win' at the end or you will cause mental distress. End the play session with the cat pouncing on the laser dot on a treat so it thinks it has caught prey.

A packet of catnip toys (eg: little mice), more so when the cat is an adult will help to keep it entertained. I've heard they love balls of yarn but have never given one to my cats before.

If the kitten harasses you as much as you claim this might indicate the kitten is insecure due to being separated from its mother too early. The only thing I can suggest for this is that you and your fiance reward it (with a very short pet session or treat) when it is calm and comfy somewhere not bothering you. See the cat snuggled on the couch minding its own business? Take the time to give it a quick pat on the head and a soft 'good kitty' every once and a while. This will help teach it boundaries and 'independence'.

If it is still adamant it needs to spend time with you while you're working at the computer, teach it to climb on your shoulder or sit on your lap (maybe get a pillow for it to lay on while you work).

In the end, you sound stressed. Let me just say that once you bond there are few things more stress relieving than a cat nuzzling into your neck with a roaring purr in your ear. Cat purring has even been show to decrease injury recovery time even!
- On the relationship front: probably not the place for it, but other than the cat situation, things are very good. I think we're both too stubborn for our own good sometimes, and that's part of what happened here.
  
  I've never been a primary caretaker for a cat, so my experience is limited. That was a big part of why I was worried about getting a kitten. I've only been around adult cats, and most of them are chill.
  
  Our apartment explicitly forbids the kind of advanced catifying I see online. She has scratching posts with perches, several repurposed cardboard boxes, and a bed we made out of a box and blankets. She uses all of them, and we made sure they were connected to give her an improvised play area/home base. I hope it's enough, or at least a start.
  
  She was separated young, I believe. She was a stray at 8 weeks old, and was possibly separated several days before being found. I don't doubt that's playing a role. She's very needy. I mean, when she isn't being hyper, she demands pets for 45 minutes or more at a time, and she'll nip your hands if you don't provide them. She used to jump on my face to wake me up at night for more attention. Only me though, not my partner.
  
  I'm going to talk to my therapist next month before I consider all my options. It's just been a struggle lately. It's like having an autodestructive toddler with claws.

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