Deb and Steve Dauphinais were diving on the sand flats off Jamestown, Rhode Island, when they spotted the creature with its head stuck inside a work glove.
"Every heartwarming human interest story in America is like 'he raised $20,000 to keep 200 orphans from being crushed in the orphan-crushing machine.' And then never asks why there is an orphan-crushing machine or why you'd need to pay to prevent it from being used."
Uplifting news that isn't boring (Bob did well in school his whole life.) and doesn't imply bad things happening (the community came together to save Jill from a life in the slave pits of Hoth) is actually a challenge.
What would be an example that was interesting with no negative connotations? Maybe news of scientific and engineering breakthroughs? Children who rise above a good but boring life?