Help me help a coworker not be an incel?
Help me help a coworker not be an incel?
Personal background: I strongly feel just about everyone grows up and has something shitty about them. I know growing up I definitely thought and said some less-than-ideal jokes about women, minorities, etc. And while some of that was the proverbial 'the times', and some was growing up in a sheltered hyper Christian southern American conservative situation, I regret my actions and am happy I grew past that. And I do think people, especially younger, can grow past their shittiness, especially with the help of others, which was true for me too... When I got my first W2 job a superior I looked up to helped mold me into a better person by calling me out on things and modeling a better behavior.
Current situation: I'm now the supervisor position, have been for a decade (retail is a trap) and I've taken that to heart, calling out jokes that aren't funny, etc. But recently we hired a new kid who acts really incel-ish, and who apparently has attached himself to me instantly. I've had moderate success so far just telling him his 'lol women dumb' jokes aren't funny, and modeling how working with women is... normal? Anyways, I don't wanna screw this up so do y'all have any suggestions for me to help keep him from going down an unfortunate path? I know at the end of the day I'm not responsible for others' routes in life, but I feel we should all do our parts.
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You ultimately aren't responsible for this person's behavior, but I understand wanting to help them. Calling him out for bad behavior is definitely a good way to go, try not to be harsh though. Maybe push him to try and become friends with a female coworker. If they're friends with a girl they aren't necessarily sexually attracted to, it's a great way to teach him to view girls as regular people.
Maybe push him to try and become friends with a female coworker.
Please ask her before you use her to teach a lesson.
Encouraging them to seek out a female friend isn't using the seeked out person as a lesson. What an weird way to interpret that.
It sounds like you've never had the experience of being the woman used as a lesson, and I'm really glad for you. I'm sorry you think my lived experience is weird! Blessed be.
That's awesome, but it's literally a "hey, you should go to talk her"
I feel this comment is brushing off the important point the commentator above is making. I understand that you wanted to clarify or defend your original statement. But if you don't respond appropriately to what the person you're talking to has said, you're not really having a conversation. Instead you're just talking at someone.
I'm not taking them serious lol. They're just wrong. You're right that it's not a conversation, not everything needs to be. If someone wants to believe they're right, go for it, but that's just a complete lack of social skills and awareness that's probably due to autism.
would you want to have an extended conversation with some weird incel?
obviously not
so would you want somebody pointing you out to that incel as a great person to have an extended conversation with?
again, obviously not
You guys are trying so hard to make it out to be a bad thing to tell someone they should try to talk to someone. Be normal, like wtf. Communication is not this complicated. Do you guys ever leave the house??
please answer the questions
You gotta admit, you did specify female coworker. You sound well intentioned but I cant say your plan is not without its issues
You should really have the decency to contemplate why a woman would not want that before you tell her she's wrong for not wanting it.
Don't know why you think I didn't. I work with people and have a lot of girl friends. I know very well how they think and empathize well. I'm responding to a random username who's likely perpetually online so I don't exactly value their opinion.
You also have no idea who I am or my experiences before you assume I'm wrong, just like you say I am doing to them.
All I know about you is this conversation, and your response here sounds a lot like "I'm not sexist, I have women friends".
Wow now I'm apparently sexist for disagreeing with you. Maybe you should have the decency to contemplate why anyone claiming to be female online must be automatically right. That's pretty sexist to tie truth to gender. You know literally nothing about me, so don't draw any conclusions.
Maybe you should have the decency to contemplate why anyone claiming to be female online must be automatically right. That’s pretty sexist to tie truth to gender. You know literally nothing about me, so don’t draw any conclusions.
what the fuck are you talking about
you said a dumb thing online and people are calling you out on it
there's nothing more to it than that
Saying someone should talk to someone isn't dumb shit. The amount of mental gymnastics here is astounding.
my sweet baby boyo please stop doing backflips to try and frame this as if you're the normal one just to protect your ego
think of somebody in your life that you wouldn't want to have an extended conversation with
there's obviously somebody, because everybody has somebody
now imagine if a third party advised that somebody to deliberately try to have a painfully extended conversation with you
would you be happy with that third party?