The dreaded ring (by Pedro Arizpe)
The dreaded ring (by Pedro Arizpe)
271 comments
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Yeah, this can be a generational cultural difference.
I mourned the death of my grandfather three separate times when my mother texted me "please call". Each time when I called back I learned something different:
- We had to change our lunch plans.
- There was an alarming local news article about driving conditions.
- My grandfather had died.
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If these were all in the same day that's quite the series of events
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The last time my dad called was 16 years ago when my mum was bleeding out after surgery and we didn't know if she was going to make it.
Other than that, it's WhatsApp messages, and they're usually about the dog.
I would 100% think someone had died if my dad called.
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Uh? You okay man?
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This is probably family dependent. My family is similar to OP's, we usually text if we want to have casual conversations. Voice calls are limited to serious topics only... unless I text them "hey, let's have a call" or something like that first.
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My biggest fear right now is the last day I get to hear my parents voices.
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Yeah. Make sure you've got it recorded somewhere. Dad died 20 years ago when I was a kid, and I have to approximate what he sounded like in my head. It sucks.
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A typical conversation with my mom starts with: Answerer: hey what's up Caller: not much, do you want to chat? Then we chat for 10-40mins about whatever, then say bye. It's nice to feel connected to people in your life.
If either doesn't want to talk we just say, not a great time. Reply is always no worries, chat another time, bye.
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Nobody is actually this terrified of a phone call right? Besides the usual social anxiety anyway.
My father's phone doesn't even have internet, hell, they barely built a computer that could beat Nazi encryption back when he was born, he didn't even see his first computer in person until he was what, 50?
He struggles at testing, no way could he navigate a modern phone haha. So, phone calls are normal for us :-)
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You and your dad sound like what, millennial and Boomer? You're definitely not Gen Z or younger though I'm assuming.
I'm 40 so elder millennial I guess. I like Gen Z overall but goddamn do they SUCK at using the damn phone. I train a lot of 22-24yo kids at work and they truly are terrified of phone calls. Video call, friggin forget it man. Like they might turn on their camera once if I directly ask or tell them but it's a battle every time.
This is the same generation that's demanding full remote, and they refuse to actually communicate remotely. It's really frustrating and annoying. How in the world do you expect to function in a group if you can't or won't communicate with people in real time? Do they really expect to go to their entire careers only texting or emailing?
Again I like them overall, they are very smart educated and resourceful, but their communication absolutely fucking sucks. So yeah this comic is super accurate but I don't find it funny.
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How in the world do you expect to function in a group if you can’t or won’t communicate with people in real time?
wow. i thought it was just me.
I've got really good people on the team -- but only if you trust them go do stuff with zero communications and then the pop back up with completed work. Which is kinda ok if you don't need to do any team projects. Its driving me nuts and I totally see why some managers are like "fuck it, get your ass into the same room". Its simply easier than coaching people on how to be slightly better than a chatbot.
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My dad is probably about the same age (currently 81)
He didn't touch a computer until the mid 2000s, and he just wanted to be able to email. It was a looooong journey to get him comfortable doing that.
Since he got a smart phone he texts literally every day, has installed a number of apps himself, can mostly get new services working himself (he did Amazon Prime, with some mild hand holding).
If anything, I call him more then he calls me!
It's doable :)
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I'm not NT so I like having the freedom and time to cook up good responses to texts that I can't make on the spot in a call.
(Btw not saying that NT people can do that easily but they seem to always be able to think quick on their feet socially speaking)
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This is something that idk if I'll ever get used to about lemmy
It's a meme. It's a joke. It's deliberately blown out of proportion.
Y'all need to calm tf down.
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In my direct experience (albeit anecdotal) this is not simply a joke, but reality. So many of my colleagues have this fear, especially the younger ones, and with everyone demanding full remote it fucks my shit up real bad when they won't even answer the damn phone.
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Are zoomers really like this?
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I'm 40. I don't even answer the phone if it rings. If it's important they can leave a message.
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Which I'll check in a few days. If it's important, and they are pinned underneath a vehicle about to die, they can send a voice memo.
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Sorry if I don't think minor topics are worthy of the immediate attention needed for a phone call?
Phone calls are reserved for emergencies. Otherwise you're just demanding the instant attention of someone for nothing.
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I don't think all zoomers are, but a LOT of the people I know are TERRIFIED of phone calls. I was like that too, before I started applying for jobs and had to make like 3 calls a week.
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Yeah, I'm a millennial and use to have terrible phone anxiety. It prevented me from being able to get a job for a long time. I would always try to go in person instead because it was less anxiety inducing but never got a job that way.
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Also almost 40. Fuck synchronous communications. Inferior in every possible way.
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How can you even say that? If that's how you live, no doubt this philosophy causes you issues at least once a week. You'd rather know that [insert major life event] happened...later... and instead of finding out immediately and confirming it/responding to it, you can try to call them later only for it now to be a hassle because they're not answering, and the only email you have goes to some dumbass ai bot. Yeah so much more convenient than picking up a phone on occasion, when it's important
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???
Why would she react like that to a phonecall?
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Young people don't call unless it's serious business.
Why she reacted like that while also knowing her dad still calls people? No idea
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Not just young people. I've seen this kind of behavior in surprisingly old people such as Gen X and even Baby Boomers, but I've seen it in a LOT of millennials, the youngest of whom are now in their early thirties and the oldest are in their forties.
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Lmao this thread is so weird to read. My parents call me all the time to ask how I am. I also call them. And my friend from time to time and he calls me. Samesies for my fiancée. Normal stuff.
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I'm not young and I prefer a text over very unnecessary long and drawn out phone calls.
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Hmm, I wonder if it could a cultural thing?
I'm a millennial in Sweden and I have not experienced this phenomenon unless the person suffers social anxiety, though I must admit I have little contact with people under 25.
To me a call is convenient when I'm biking or working with my hands, and I can't tell you how many times a simple phonecall spared me endless back and forth over text or e-mail.
Maybe I'm desensitized since I constantly receive and make calls at work.
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Because phonecalls are reserved for when you immediately with no delay need someone.
Asking about a show is not one of those cases.
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This is the first time in my life when I encountered an opinion that calling someone is somehow rude and reserved for emergencies. In my social circle and family people just call when they want to talk. Sure, we text often too, but calling is completely normal. And if you can't or don't want to talk, you just don't pick up the phone.
I'm genuinely baffled.
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In our family it looks exactly like this, that's why I found it very funny :)
We usually just chat (or videochat) and when f.e. dad randomly calls me then it's some serious business. And for that brief moment my mind jumps to most catastrophic scenarios why he could be calling me. And I think it goes both ways because when I call dad the first question usually is "Hi, did something happen?"
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I react this way when my mom calls because she never calls me and the one time she did, it was because my grandmother died.
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For real, the last 2 times my mom called me was to tell me my dad had a heart attack and that my nephew died, so I 100% expect something like that if she calls me.
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I can see why you'd fear phone calls then. In my family I get a call from my dad about once a week to ask about my day. Usually the family texts more in the mornings, and more phone calls in the evening. Plus for a while I had to pick up the phone anytime someone called for work reasons. You just get used to it after a while.
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Crippling socal anxiety
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This is what it feels to struggle with anxiety :(
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because why would you call someone if not for something very urgent?
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I call people just to have a chat and a catch up.
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not one of us, not one of us, not one of us, not...
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Probably a normal thing in the US, where families are so broken by default a simple call from a parent sounds like a disaster.
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No, it is not normal thing in the US.
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Broken? What are you talking about? My dad started leaving me home alone for weeks at a time at age 12. By age 16 it was months at a time, and my house became the place where other kids came to hang out. I graduated college, or University. Then became a heroin addict. My family stopped talking to me because of this thing called “tough love”. Now, I’m all better and have my own family with kids and a partner, but my dad and sister wonder why I won’t let them be a part of it (my mom died when I was 8).
You know regular all American family. Nothing weird, or dysfunctional here. Definitely not broken.
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This image isn't even referring to young people with phone anxiety, it's about how you are conditioned to think an unexpected call from family is bad news.
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I honestly want to both upvote and downvote this comment.
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Just call blergh on the phone, no need to upvote or downvote
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I'm in my mid 40's, late Gen X and I absolutely despise any phone calls I don't decide to make myself, and out of respect for others who might feel like I do, I will try most other avenues of communication before resorting to a phone call.
I didn't use to mind them at all back in the land line days, but as soon as everyone started getting cell phones there was this undercurrent of expectation that every moment of YOUR time actually belongs to someone else...because you're AVAILABLE ANYWHERE NOW.
It started slow, but it didn't get really bad until about 2007.
It got to the point where people would get your voicemail, hang up, and redial over and over until I answered. I saw it happening more and more frequently to myself and many others, from all walks of caller.
I finally started cutting people like that out of my life a few years ago because in the intervening decade and a half it hasn't really gotten much better, except among the younger folks who just hate phone calls.
It's almost like Self + Possibility of Instant Gratification = Utter Fuckwad much of the time.
It's not about respect or anything, because fuck entitlement, but if it's really not so ridiculously utterly important that I should be stopping mid-poop and doing something about it, LEAVE A MESSAGE. USE TEXT. USE E-MAIL, USE MESSENGER, USE ANYTHING ASYNCHRONOUS.
Too many people's priority is themselves and only themselves to the outright blatant detriment of others.
It's ridiculous, and I blame cell phones, social media, and large swaths of marketing and advertising firms for the cultural paradigm shift.
The drain on a person's emotional and mental resources when they feel a social responsibility to their relationships with their friends and loved ones but are always forced to do things on everyone else's "me first" terms is the exact same sort of phenomenon that causes workplace burnout when jobs do it with things like not setting up a good work/life balance and not being proactive/planning in regards to workplace tasks/projects/deadlines. (Agile is a major offender here, as is scrum, and every management book from traction to...hell, pick any one of them, everything I've been forced to read is borderling toxic when applied.)
Therapy's great and all and I'm 100% in favor of it (for everyone, really), but when noone is respecting boundaries, there's not a whole hell of a lot it's going to do in this particular regard.
Hell, I know a lot of people whose boundary is "no phone calls unless (list of super serious things like someone died) or we text first and agree on a phone call" and when someone potentially has that boundary and then panicks when they get a phone call outside of it, the solution might be a little more advanced than "seek help". It sucks, (and there's plenty of room for nuance) but I feel the change in culture is far more at fault here than anything else.
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Cold calls are rude. My 76 year old mom will not cold call because she understands convention.
Hardline phones had no way to ensure the timing of a call was considerate. Tech has moved on, and coordination is trivially easy. It is, in my opinion, rude to call or a sign of significant import.
If my mom calls without texting, it's an accident or imprtant/urgent.
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I think this is a skill issue
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This comic strip is flawed… nobody who would react that way to a phone call would have their phone out of silent mode.
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The like 5 times I've heard my phone in a decade were all on accident.
I was a shift manager at a casino. After that job ended, I've never had my phone off silent and I won't talk on it unless it's 200% necessary...I just perpetually and always have bad service...don't ask about the faraday cage in my workshop, it came like that when I built it.
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So many people (myself included) text as the default method of phone communication.
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In some cases it's more practical as you can keep multitasking. Especially for work I like when people send me emails or chat messages instead of holding meetings or barging into office, even worse video calls.
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Even better, it's asynchronous. I don't have to answer right now, I can finish my current thought in my time and respond once I'm ready. That's why I absolutely hate it if someone just calls me without writing first - it takes me so much longer to get back into things when I can't close the thought properly.
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To me it feels texting takes longer. Call someone up and it's done in less than a minute. Why write some long ass message?
Most folks don't even bother writing back... Message seen? Best forget about it.
Edit: typo
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Kinda depends, doesn't it?
Do they need to find the information you need or is it something they can answer off the top of their head?
Does the phone call include formalities or is it just "Hey I need X" "Here's X" "thanks, see ya!"
Is this person likely to broach other topics or answer you and move on?
Each method has its strengths depending on the question
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For me, it's about evidence and accountability.
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This so much. Text/email/slack leaves a permanent, searchable record. Synchronous communication is complete garbage and there are very few scenarios where it should be tolerated, much less encouraged.
Honestly, I'm at the point where if someone insists on calling, I assume they are up to something and are intentionally trying to not go "on the record"
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Sometimes you don't want that :)
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If someone doesn't write back it must not have been that important. I'm pretty much never just going to drop what I'm doing and answer the phone to have a conversation about an unknown topic which will take an unknown amount of time.
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sounds like you're getting ghosted for a reason.
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I really want to add "if you don't leave a voicemail with a description of what you're calling about I'm not calling you back" to my work phone.
I already don't call back if they don't leave a message. If it's not important enough to them to leave a 10 second message it's not important enough to me to call them back.
Or when they send an email or teams message saying to call them but not giving a subject, then they ask for some information that I could have already had if I'd known what we were doing.
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Or when they send an email or teams message saying to call them but not giving a subject
It's when they just put "Hi" and nothing else that gets me.
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"No"
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Or the opposite at work for me: I call my 24yo Gen Z staff and it goes to voicemail. Then two seconds later get a ping on Teams from them saying hey you called? I'm like yes motherfucker I CALLED you so you should CALL me back. I want a five minute chat to hash it out and get on the same page so I know you understand the task. I do NOT want to text back and forth for twenty minutes only for you to fuck it up because of a texting misunderstanding.
I suppose it is logical that a generation that grew up texting with their noses buried in smart phones would develop this way. Plus Covid further stunting social development. But goddamn it's annoying and not funny at all.
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I have to call people for work to let them know when I'll arrive to provide the service. 3/4 of the time nobody answers, of those half either don't have vm setup or it is full and won't take an messages. The only people who do pick up are the elderly.
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Man, I'd kill to receive a phone call from my family. Or a text. Or an email. Or a letter.
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Reading the comic and the comments it's definitely a cultural/generational thing since there seems to be an even split between those that think a phone call is for urgent business only and those that think a phone call is no big deal and perfectly normal.
It probably depends on whether someone grew up with texting or not. My family only just got smartphones this year and before that we didn't even have a phone plan with data or texting so from my perspective, calling someone up is perfectly normal. I have noticed that since getting a smartphone, I've been primarily communicating with text messages (which from what I understand is also a bit outdated).
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As someone with an autism induced fear of phone calls, this comment section is really mean ;-;
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I'm with you there brother.
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This is why I call my parents weekly, so that phone calls from them are statistically less likely to be about dead grandparents. Still would freak-out when my same age friends call me, as the only time that has happened I learnt a good friend died of liver failure.
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What I hate is the expectation that I am to be on standby for whoever calls me. All the time. Fuck that. Send a letter. Show some respect and have some patience. Communication with me is not a right. I'll not respond when I think its not important. And if you call me allot, it's never important. I do however get the heart attack feeling every time you do call.
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I only call my friends and family if it's time sensitive or urgent.
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calls have a big red "no" button yk
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A lot*
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Alot*
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get the heart attack feeling
Brother, what? Are you made of paper? Will an errant breeze threaten to blow you away?
Like, prefer whatever communication method you want, but really? Heart attack feeling? Come on, there's no way you're even coming close to jumping over a phone call.
And if you are, do you understand how to put your phone on vibrate/silent? This is such a non-issue
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Let the answering machine pick it up.
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Change your ringtone then, jeez.
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A phonecall is so much nicer, quicker and leaves a lot less room for misunderstanding.
I don't like shot-messages-communication, especially not when it's a delicate topic.
And yes, I'm old, and an extrovert.
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Disagree, I despise phone calls. Something about the data compression makes everything sound distorted and blown out, it's like nails on a chalkboard to me. It's fine for short, urgent messages, but until fidelity gets a lot better there's nothing I want to do less than talk over the phone for extended periods of time.
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Well, you might be a special case, but phone's are usually quite well adjusted for human voices, so they shouldn't sound like something a person wouldn't want to listen too.
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For me, if it's urgent, sure a call is fine. A message doesn't require the other person's attention to be redirected at your demand though. They can get around to it when it's convenient for them.
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For me a phone call is for when a text might be misunderstood or you need to gauge the mood of the person you’re communicating with. For everything else, text is more polite, accurate and convenient for both parties.
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If it's not important you can email it to me lol. My dad who is 75 also prefers emailing me and if more time sensitive he texts or sends a discord message. Phone calls are for emergencies and even then I know he wouldn't call.
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I'm and introvert and prefer texting but this is too much man
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I certainly take the comedic value from this. My dad is a classic technophobe. He believes the phone is there for emergencies only, and if a call between him and me needs to happen, he will get my mum to phone. With that, the two times in the past 8 years I have got a call, it has been an emergency... I dread the day he might phone and just go, "Just checking in to see how you are."
So yeah, there is a comical side to this, which I certainly see.
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This is so sad and pathetic. Grow up, seek help, get medicated, touch grass.
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How edgy.
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How adult. I pity these people as much as I disdain dealing with them.
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271 comments