Basic American etiquette

The gun is on the correct side of the plate for a right hand shooter, but should be laying on it's left side so that it can be picked up from above with the right hand.

</s>

Remove the /s, you are right and the commenter was ignorant of traditional American etiquette.
- Can't I be both right and sarcastic?
No, left side is correct for the breakfast gun.
A gun that size isn't actually big enough for situations where you need a gun, it's just meant to provide cover fire while you get a bigger better gun. You'll be using your left hand to fire the cover gun, so that your right hand is available for picking up the bigger gun. This has the additional benefit of leaving your dominant hand free to eat with.
- The correct answer, as they say, is always in the comments
- You can drop a grown man or big game with a .22! Take lessons or give up the gun.
Serial number is on the other side so it's that way for the picture.
Also, "lying". "Lay" means "to recline".

This picture is distinctly lacking in ultraprocessed sugary cereal and/or shelf-stable pastries.

Yeah, plus the cholesterol medication. Bonus points if the mobility chair is within sight.
- They're American. They can't afford cholesterol medication.
No I haven't eaten cereal or processed breakfast foods in decades. Just give me the eggs, bacon, sausage, toast with lots of butter and cheese. Where the fuck is the cheese?
- Bacon is a processed food. A tasty one.
- In a spray can somewhere
Well according to commercials from the 80s when I was a kid that's part of a balanced breakfast.
Half the bacon is candy and the bread is a cake.
Shelf-stable pastries just never stops being an alarming phrase

One egg!? I'm sorry is this the USSR?

On its own single egg plate. So fancy
- A real American would put the multiple eggs on top of the bacon
Close, but no, this is USSA. You missed by 4 kilometers.
- Kilomet-🤢
- Oh, wow! I am using that in political chats, given our current political climate.
- Can you translate that to freedom units 💪?
No, this is clearly someone originally from Quebec. Because there, one egg is un ouef.
You mean USSA? Well the corruption is comparable.
- You mean beaurocracy and nepotism? Because in USSR there were no traditional corruption because having money was not enough to get anything you want. Usually there was problem of not having enough stuff to spend money on.
AuthLeft: be fortunate you get the one egg
Not Our egg!

There's not nearly enough butter on that toast, not enough eggs, and where's the sausage? In Florida the breakfast gun goes on the dominant side with the grip out. Once alcohol is served the slide will be locked back. In particularly liberal circles the magazines will also be popped out. We aren't savages.

Are you crazy? The safety will be on, clip in.
- This is going to get so Florida, so I'm sorry. Most of the people I know who carry daily carry guns without safeties, so that just wouldn't work. Also, it's literally a mark of distinction between "responsible gun owners" and irresponsible ones that before the alcohol comes out all the guns are made conspicuously safe, unless the person is a designated non drinker. They would take on the unspoken responsibility of being armed and vigilant for the rest of the group. This will happen discreetly in mixed company, but likely conspicuously if everyone present carries a gun.
  And anyone committing the faux pas of calling a magazine a clip would get a polite correction, and if repeated they wouldn't be invited next time.
Sorry but toast is made from bread. That there would be legally called cake in large swathes of the planet
- No it wouldn't.
  Even in France, arguably the biggest of the bread snobs, they call American style white bread: pain de mie (soft bread) and they call it pain grillé (toasted bread).
  This is just standard regular sliced bread.
- No, we're talking America here. That's not nearly enough butter. It needs to cover basically the whole face of the toast.

It used to be, but at this point in history, that's like $300 worth of bacon.

From experience that is about $20-30.
- Only one way to resolve this dispute: gentlemen, to your respective breakfast guns.

The Breakfast Gun goes on whichever side the diner's firing hand is.

Edits below!

After some discussion and reflection, I agree with @Zachariah@lemmy.world that the Breakfast Gun would indeed go on the left, "to show you plan for a peaceful meal."

Furthermore, presentation of Firearms depends on the level of dining:

At a polite table, guests are expected to lay their Meal Arms down holstered, so as not to soil the table linens. Placing a Meal Arm directly on the tablecloth is a sign of disrespect.

At a formal table, a Firearm Napkin will be provided for each diner. This allows diners to display their Meal Arms openly without soiling the linens.

At a "high table," Meal Arms will be provided by the host. These Arms, while fully functional, are adorned with many engravings and flourishes, as a demonstration of the host's status, and the diner's status as a guest at the table.

Real shooters can shoot with both hands.
It goes on the opposite side to show you plan for a peaceful meal.
- Now that's etiquette.
That isn't an ambidextrous gun, so it belongs on the right.

Wait … I worry what you heard was, 'Give me a lot of bacon and eggs. ' What I said was, give me all the bacon and eggs you have ~ Ron Swanson

Ron, holding two cartons of eggs: "Is this all the eggs we have?"
Donna: "Yes. What are you making?"
Ron: "Eggs."

Ok, first off....I usually have two eggs.

Second, it is with my Sig p365

So...checkmate!

Also, there's only one starch. We have potatoes with our toast.
Three eggs. But yes. Sig P365.
I think it's a 226?

Gun goes on hip so that you don't need to train on drawing while eating breakfast separately from training on drawing while doing anything else while sitting.
Gun goes on lap so when someone sits across from you and gets mouthy, you can shoot them in the dick.
- Butters stop shooting people in the dick!

At the conclusion of a satisfying meal, Americans are expected to fire their Breakfast Guns into the air in the parking lot. It's considered courteous, and it signals to others where a good breakfast can be found.

It goes on whichever side your dominant hand is. Also, in the picture it's flipped the wrong way: Handle goes out so you can pick it up easily for when you need to dispense freedom seeds.

Also^2, the coffee should be black.

I was gonna upvote you for the first paragraph, but had to rescind it for the second.
- Black coffee best coffee and I'll stand by that statement.

That's the ceremonical gun, the actual one is under the belt pointing at the owner's testicles.

Safety off. Only protection is the hefty FUPA obscuring the weapon from sight
- Have you seen the trigger "safety" on a Glock? Yeah I don't have a safety on any of the guns I carry. Only one of them is a Glock, but that's the closest to a safety any of them have.
Ya gotta do a desk pop.

No donut?

That's probably second breakfast.

Close. I keep a little league aluminum baseball bat handy for those rude individuals that like to interrupt my peaceful breakfast.

This is why I have a suppressor on my breakfast gun
Si vis pacem, para baseball bat
- Muy verdades

Uh... Why is there only one egg?

It's a light breakfast. It'd be a skillet if it was a full breakfast, with a stack of pancakes if it was a Sunday.

Where is the fucking cheese and Coca Cola?

That cheese sounds interesting, where would I find it?
- You must not be American. Everything here is better with cheese.
  Eggs? Cheese.
  Toast? Cheese.
  Bacon? Cheese.
  All of the above combined, you got a sammich.
  Coffee? Cheese.
  Gun? Cheese.

No cheese

No sausages

No ketchup

Looks like the UK viewpoint.

I just imagine they eat a huge bowl of that candy which they xall cereal.

I believe in plain Cheerios superiority

I prefer to have my bacon mountain on top of my pancake tower. Also, needs more eggs and jelly for my toast, but where.the.fuck. is my glass of OJ?

I am pancake!

Everything should be coated in maple syrup too.

Idk. Seems a lot of people here use cane syrup, which I don't really think has any flavor at all
- Corn syrup!

If you’re a politician, you get a free side of blatant corruption too

False. Gun too small, and no ammo on the table.

EDIT: And no cheap shit beer? This is nonsense.

Wtf is BREAD doing there?! You don’t have VEGETABLES at BREAKFAST this is AMERICA

American breakfast is the same as English breakfast except we don't have beans or blood sausage. The beans are replaced with fruit, the blood sausage is replaced with regular sausage, and the gun is just a centerpiece, not actually part of the meal.

Lol. We don’t use separate plates unless we are served them at a restaurant.

Americans can't cook. This is a standard breakfast at a restaurant.

Needs pancakes instead of toast, and the egg.. just no.

Goes on the side of the dominant hand.

Never occurred to me that I've never shot any firearm left handed. Wouldn't start with a pistol but I kinda wanna try it now with a rifle lol.
If I shoot anything like I throw left handed tho my curiosity will prolly kill the neighbors cat. Unless it is more than 3ft away, then it's completely safe lol.
- If one owns weapons, I'd say it's a decent idea to learn some dexterity with the non-dominant hand.
- I carry a LCP, (subcompact .380). I practice two hand, right hand, left hand. I also always try and shoot a magazine or two with sunglasses on at an indoor range to simulate low light conditions.
  It has like a three inch barrel, so it's not the most accurate or easy to aim. I only shoot it at seven yards.
  It's nasty to shoot, lot of kick. I call it the Angry Cricket. Trigger pull is heavy as it is a double action with no safety. I carry it with one in the pipe.
  Hope I never have to use it, but if I do, I will be as accurate as possible. That's the ethical thing to do as I see it.
- I needed that literal lol. It's been a long day! Thank you!
Exactly, and that's why you have your sidearm holster on the right. So the breakfast gun goes on the left to make dual-wielding easier, all while freeing your right hand to scoop eggs and bacon into your mouth.

That's not an AR-15

That's because it's next to the dessert on a different image.

No biscuits and gravy?!

Or grits if you're a filthy southerner.

Not enough bacon.

This must be a diet meal. I usually have a few sides of magazines for the gun course.

I was always taught that the breakfast gun goes on the right and points to the right, unless you're left handed

Most americans are right shooties, so not having it there seems weird. You never know when you need to blow someone's head off.
No, it goes on the left so that you don’t need to put down your coffee to shoot the TV!
- *to shoot the printer

Can't be an American breakfast; that's not a 1911.

TWO WORLD WARS!!1!

Swiss German American maybe

Is this not a fatal amount of bacon?

It depends on your timetable. Right after it's consumed? Of course not, we're American. Does it shorten our lifespan significantly to the point of heart attacks in your mid to late 40s? Absolutely.
Only for weak euro-arteries.
- My arteries are so strong that you could shoot me with the breakfast gun and I wouldn't spring a leak.

I've seen people eat pop tarts and bacon

As an alternative: when the table is set with Bowie Knife and gun, the gun goes to the left.

That's an Australian-American breakfast.

Remember to unload and clean your breakfast gun. Put it away, and then get your lunch gun.

I'm surprised you put the guns away. I'd assume they'd just accumulate, and by the end of the day, all Americans would be carrying about 16 or 17 different firearms.
Then at the end of the year, you drive your 17 * 365 to the car dealership and trade the lot in for a bigger SUV.
- If a European can't park inside your vehicle without damaging either one...is it really even worth owning? Why risk driving down the road unnoticed? Imagine leaving parking spaces unparked in... inefficient!

If you took away the majority of the bacon this would be a really good breakfast 👍🏽

~~If you took away the majority of the bacon~~ this would be a really good breakfast 👍🏽
- ~~If you took away the majority of the bacon this would~~ be ~~a really good breakfast~~ 👍🏽