I find no motivation in working for myself
I find no motivation in working for myself
The title is really vague, so I'll try to clarify my intentions here:
I am an ardent supporter of FOSS. It will be greatly beneficial for my life and especially my privacy to self-host such software. Yet, I cannot find much motivation to do so.
However, when it comes to hosting software for public use, I can usually give my utmost concentration and dedication.
This is not how I want my life to be. I want to be motivated for myself as well as for the community. And if that's not possible, I need to trick my brain into bringing me into that kind of zone for myself.
What do I do? What would you do in this situation?
Generally laziness helps.
If you host a system, then you have to dedicate resources to maintaining it, which quickly escalates to lack of interest.
If you pay someone to host it, you get to spend your energy on things that you're interested in.
If you can find people to pay you for things that you're interested in, but they just want fixed, you have a business.
So, be conservative in what you host and frivolous in what you outsource.
Note that this says nothing about FOSS. since that's about a related but different concepts.
From a FOSS perspective, be frivolous (as in, do lots) in your bug reports and patches, be conservative in which projects you own.
Hosting FOSS on infrastructure is what I want to dedicate my life towards outside of work. I just need to find motivation to actually do things for myself (which will greatly help me) instead of looking for the dopamine hit when I think I'm doing something that will help the community
You can do both at the same time.
Start small.
Write a little bash script that fixes something that causes you grief. Put it up on GitHub with a README.md file that explains what it does, why and how.
Rinse and repeat.
My rule is that I only do stuff that comes from within me.
Now that doesn't mean that I can't search for that feeling.
I mean sure, if I am on the sofa with a warm blanket posting to Lemmy, I am gonna be anchored there.
What works for me is to work backwards. What do I want? Why? What is needed for that? Why? Just keep breaking it up.
Then I'll do what I call circling, like an eagle. You start with the big circle and slowly shrink it until you get to the core of the matter and finally swoop down and catch your target.
For instance a large circle could be being at your pc drinking a coffee, reading something, taking some short breaks to move and look out the window. This is already closer than say doomscrolling, and in that sense a success.
Now once it feels right, you circle a bit closer. Read or watch something related to the topic you care about. And so on.
The trick is to work with the grain, instead of against the grain, of your brainy bits by balancing boredom against frustration in order to find your flow.
You can stay in any circle as long as you please and it is better to step back into a larger circle than to give up entirely.
While doing this keep visualizing what success looks like. Express this, but also your anxieties and whatever else in a freewriting note (avoid structure).
Most importantly perhaps is to remain skeptical of your desires. The world will always have more work for you to do and will happily keep you busy. And your desires aren't necessarily your friends. Be conscious of the ones you want to commit to. The easiest way to close a task is to simply not do it.
I kind of want to do it though. I want to be busy. I want to be hosting FOSS software for other people, like a SearX instance and maybe Invidious. The problem is, there's many more things that I should be doing in my homelab but for some reason I find more motivation in doing something that can help others rather than for myself
Try hosting a guide on exactly how you did it. There's never enough documentation, and it's interesting to see what kind of workarounds / fixes you might find for any problems you'll have.
This is a good idea. A public facing guide that gives me motivation to maintain it
Short answer: Therapy!
Long answer:
You've identified a problem that you want to fix (willingness to do effort for yourself versus for others) but you haven't identified the root cause. This is basically one of the situations that therapy is best equipped to help with. It sounds like maybe a self-worth issue but I'm not a therapist so that's about as valuable as a lace umbrella.
Not sure - I don't feel like I undervalue myself (although I guess that's exactly what someone in my situation would say lmao). I just don't find motivation in doing something solely for myself, and am instead invested in things that I think the community could benefit from. An example would be wanting to run a Public Searx/Invidious instance
Yeah I hear you! But crucially its
- a problem you have within yourself, that you've identified you want to change
- a problem you don't know how to change
You don't need to have deep trauma or self-harming tendencies for therapy to be of value to you! But it does indeed sound like I'm off the mark on the self-worth thing. (That's why I'm not a therapist).
Worst case scenario, you have a few sessions and don't find anything to sink your teeth into and you've wasted a few hours Better case scenario, you find a root cause or at least a path to a better way of doing things.
But hey, I tell just about everyone to get therapy :P
I think therapy is good path to follow.
If you don't want to spend money you could try DIY it but if someone will show you how to use tools for introspective like journaling and emotional averness it will be much easier to start.
You wrote in other comment that:
I want to be busy.
Maybe you should do the opposite. Be bored and see what your mind will do with boredom. Try to do it for a decent about of time like an hour. Maybe you will discover something surprising about yourself.
You DO need to trick your brain to do this!
Start by saying this is for X and not for me, do the thing, or part of the thing, and build up incrementally.
This is how I went from couch potat to triathlons: I am not exercising, I am just commuting....your brain is dumb and you need to exploit that
Can you give me an example where the service I need to host is just for myself but I need to trick my brain into doing it? Like a private Jellyfin instance?
Absolutely out of my wheelhouse, my computer expertise ends with Excel. However, it's just a wa6 of doing a given task
I am not making a private Jellyfin instance for myself, I'm making it as an example for X person to see how it is done, and what they can add to it, like Pro Wrestling memes and puppy training tips.
Set it up like you are mentoring someone.
..even me, teach me....I have the slightest idea what jellyfin does because of osmosis of being on the fediverse, but zero practical knowledge, and will have more free time once the high season ends, but I'm willing to check it out and ask questions.
Im not sure I would want to change this. Im not sure if its a type of person but im generally more motivated when it comes to others than myself and more willing to sacrifice if it only effects me. I would sorta like the world to work on this principle.
It would be nice to not be lazy for my own needs for once lol
One of these is likely to be true for you. Maybe more than one.
- You don't know what to do, at least some part of it.
- You know what to do, but you don't know what will happen if you do it.
- You know what to do and you know what will happen, but you don't want that to happen.
If any of these resonate with you, then that might give a clue about what to try next.
In addition, you can act without feeling motivated. Some people like starting with 10 minutes of effort or a single step, because sometimes doing anything is enough to sustain energy and focus. It's a way of using inertia to work for you, rather than against you.
To clarify, I'm talking about being motivated enough to host public facing services like Invidious and SearXNG, maybe a Monero node. But I'm lacking motivation when doing things strictly for personal use like a project tracker for my personal projects, a personal media server. Basically, since I'm accountable to no one, I don't feel the light nudge I need to get to work on something.
In terms of hosting software, sure I can read about configuration. I tend to have the overall process planned out in terms of what to expect.
The main problem is, let's say I give an hour a day on hosting a FOSS project. I could easily give it 4 hours if I were motivated, but I'm not. Because I procrastinate and waste time. It's only during the later hours at night when I realise I have a deadline (need to go to bed) and my mind kicks into overdrive and I accomplish whatever I can in that hour.
That's the behaviour I'm trying to solve.
look at yourself from the 3rd-person perspective.
treat yourself the way you would treat someone else.
I think I'm pretty dumb. A third person would be very contextual; a third person who is a guru in FOSS, or a random person from the street?
All I really want to do is to find motivation to host FOSS, both for myself and the world
Does "for myself" mean "for profit", as in a job, or do you mean community work?
If it's the latter, and you have a passion for hosting instead of developing, that's totally OK.
It will be greatly beneficial for my life and especially my privacy to self-host such software
You should go the Docker route. If you selfhost for yourself you can even use a Raspberry Pi or any common "mini computer" available. Just make sure to install a large enough SSD. 1 terabyte should be fine if you don't want to use OwnCloud or something like this.
(And now you have something to learn! 😀)
I use Kubernetes, and TBH the problem isn't the know-how (I can just learn what I don't know). The problem is a lack of motivation for doing it solely for myself; I know I should do it but why on earth can't I muster enough motivation to actually sit down and configure??
It's always nice to have some motivation from doing things for others. Depending on the service, you can always host for others AND for yourself. It's 10x as much work but you do get positive feedback (sometimes..)
Yeah but some things are best consumed privately, and a media server is probably one of them (because I'm not going to do any requesting pipelines like sonarr/radarr etc)
Why not both? Presumably you aren't hosting for others what you wouldn't host for yourself
Maybe find a middle ground, like sharing the hosted service with just one or two persons, like a close friend, family member, etc. Could be someone you live with or that you can give VPN access to your network. That way is more private and mainly for your self, but also has some sense of doing it for others to motivate you.
Unfortunately, I have no one like that.
Dude, if you say you want to do it you would have already done it. So, it's either deep down you don't wanna or it's something else.
So if you want it we are waiting your urls 🤙