Pick your seat, Lemmy
Pick your seat, Lemmy
alt-text
A seating chart for an "8 HOUR FLIGHT" with the text "PICK YOUR SEAT" at the top. The chart is composed of 10 numbered seats, each occupied by a different famous Republican politician or public figure, or the devil. Each number represents a seat, and each seat is either adjacent to or between one or two different individuals.
9
As awful as they are I might as well get a good over the pants handy from bobert, something tells me she has snail in her though and will probably mash it, worth a shot
Definitely 3 unless its some right wing youtubers profile photo that i don't know about.
But the devil? Sure!
Otherwise mcconel and hulk hogan. Mcconel will probably have another stroke and just zone out for hours. And hogan will rip his shirt and say something racist and get kicked off the plane.
Id sit next to Alex Jones. Just stare silently ahead, occasionally lick the air, and moisten my eyes with a wetted towelette. At the end of the flight, turn my whole body towards him, and (remember, without having said a word or acknowledged him in any way) say "Itssss been a plesssure getting to hiss know you." And just slither off the plane.
3 and I'm kicking the seat in front quite a lot. I reckon we're going to spend the whole flight giggling.
Seat 3 obviously. I love having an empty seat next to me on a flight.
3, and I'm kicking his seat the whole way. Also I can talk plans with Satan. Maybe get a down payment going on my bar in hell. I'm going to name it, The Bar Men Trip Over.
For an alternative I'll take the seat next to J.D. Vance. I'll remind him he's actually just a journalist with a fancy degree every 15 minutes.
3 easy. He's the only one on the flight that tells the truth.
How many would choose seat #3? I would.
The literal devil is tempting for sure, but I don't want to be within smell range of Trump. The real answer is the emergency exit row so you can depressurize the cabin
Easily 3, looks like The Number Devil to me.
I was gonna pick 7 but holy shit I can sit next to SATAN? HELL YEAH #3 ALL THE WAY Maybe I can talk him into taking this whole plane straight to hell. I'll end up going with it but my eternal suffering is worth sparing the earth the misery of these absolute scum. I might feel bad about Hulk Hogan though. Yeah he's deranged and chose the wrong side, but I feel more like he's lost and confused rather than as overtly malignant as the rest of these dipshits.
edit: ok yeah if the hulkster burns too that's actually good for the world.
10
Lindsey Graham is a piece of shit, but he's an entertaining piece of shit. Not to mention, he's like the yappy little Chihuahua that barks bloody murder at whoever the bigger dog he's hiding behind doesn't like -- I'm pretty sure I could get him on side to shit-talk Thomas to his face for at least the last half of the flight.
Can I take the pilot seat and fly us all into the next mountain?
#3 would at the very least have good stories
I'm taking 4. Sitting next to Alex Jones and showing him Wendigoon videos to see which ones he takes literally.
5, but I'm spending the whole flight suggesting we seduce the seats into a foursome.
Realizing there are no good options (Satan aside, but look who you're sitting behind), I would end up in seat 10.
Vance will be preoccupied with seat 5. I expect Graham will fall asleep.
The back of the plane is usually a bit louder, so I'd just throw on my headphones and maybe occasionally kick the seatback.
Seat #7
I could probably find some kind of entertainment-value by talking to Hulk Hogan about "wrestling" or his career. The turtle will probably just sleep, or remain frozen in a transient-stroke-like state. Seems like the easiest.
In reality, it wouldn't really matter which seat I chose. I always go right tf to sleep on planes; because no, I don't want to talk with you, stranger
Though... maybe not next to Vance. I don't want him getting any weird ideas about my seat, if I were to get up to use the bathroom
Things to say: Seat 1: You failed your teachers. Everyone strives to be smarter, yet you keep running from it
Seat 2: You paid 130k to sleep with some once once? Doesn't sound like a great deal to me.
Seat 3: Just end this entire plane and give "god" the credit.
Seat 4: You know you're a piece of shit.
Seat 5: So.... how fuckable are these cushions to you?
Seat 6: You know you both are pieces of shit right!
Seat 7: How were your nights in China/Chyna
Seat 8: I asked if the lady next to the alleged molester is actually Candace Owen's and not someone who looks like her and is being trafficked
Seat 9: pull out bag of popcorn
Seat 10: Why are you the way you are? Just why?
9, I'd tell space lasers nutjob to stfu and who wouldn't mind a nice handy, then I'd walk up to seat 2 and Mike Tyson the fool in the window seat.
Ehhh. I'll catch the next flight, and hope like hell this one crashes.
I'd go down with the ship for the good of mankind, but I have things I want to do.
Seat 8
Eat a kilo of cashews a few hours before boarding, make them really taste the horror, ideal location for diffusion. Maybe add some sorbitol gummy bears and refuse to leave my seat. I reckon I can make at least half vomit.
3, whole way I'm chanting "gay frogs! gay frogs! gay frogs!"
Either 2 or 4. Buy a couple drinks, set my phone to record, and just agree with everything they say... See how far you can get them to go
With these options, the only way I could enjoy the flight is by playing the Uno reverse card: I'm going to make each and every one of them regret flying in the same plane as me.
That's tough. I think I'll have to pick 4 just to stir tension between Alex Jones and Satan.
My second pick would be 8. I'd just repeatedly kick the back of McConnell's seat while asking gaetz if he sex traffics minors because adult women find him creepy. Oh also I'd eat a bunch of awful fast food, booze, and fiber so I'm farting up a death storm and hopefully gassing large marge. Talking to her is pointless. She can smell my fury instead.
9, and I'm eating alot of cabbage and garlic first.
This is absolutely a "I'm not stuck here with you, you're stuck here with ME" situation.
9, might cop a gobby.
9, Bobo seems like she'd be down for some fun along the way
if I HAVE to, 3. we'd get along, he's not the bad guy. 2 if I were allowed to strike each time he opened his mouth.
2, so I can finish the job the twink was unable to do
Fuck it... I'll walk
Time to invest in a glass knife I can get onto the plane.
10, and I would pay to do it.
Give me some one on one time with Linsey I think I can talk him out of the closet.
I'll pick another flight.
This is a tough one. Initial thought is I'd sit next to Satan but then I'd have to smell Trumps poopy diaper. Maybe 9, at least there's the chance I'd get a HJ out of it.
If my plane ticket says 9 you know damn well I'm bringing condoms.
Jump out of the plane mid-flight
3 or 4. Guaranteed interesting conversations from both. Granted, I love hearing people talk about unhinged conspiracy theories. The crazier the better.
Thanks, I think I'll walk.
Just strap me to the wing.
I feel like Hogan and Mitch would talk to eachother. As long as I don't engage I'll be fine. Just put in my noise cancelling earbuds, queue up a couple hardcore histories, take 2 benadryl and wake up wherever we're going.
Which way are the seats facing? I figured down (Boebert sees the back of Thomas's head), since it's like you're looking at their faces as you're boarding. Some others figured top==front though (Thomas sees Boebert give you a handy)
9 for the lawls, 5 for a nap.
Maybe 4 so I don't risk JD mistaking me for cushions while I'm passing by for the bathroom.
I'll walk, thanks.
Pilot seat cause I'm gunna crash the plane
9, because then I get to kick a pedophile in the head for 8 hours straight. 100% worth the arm rest neighbors.
Can I get the seat on the wing?
As a non-American, I only recognize Donald Trump and Hulk Hogan in this picture. I would pick seat 7. The person in front of me looks innocent, and behind me is a woman, so she probably isn’t too tall and won't kick my chair. She might even allow me to recline my seat. I don't know much about Hulk Hogan, but he seems like a cool dude, and I like his mustache. Tell me, did I choose wisely?
I mean I bet the devil would be super interesting. Great conversationalist, too. Almost...seductive.
4: I can egg him on all flight and seed some new conspiracies. Maybe even record everything and send it to the lawyer handling the sandyhook case.
It's so freaking hard to choose because I want all of those seats.
It's not a matter of not wanting to sit next to them it's that I want to make all of their trips as horrible as possible.
I think if I had to though, I'd take 10 if it was the middle seat. I'd spend the entire trip punching them in the groin.
Oh the devil for sure! He’s the only one there who got a bad rap.
10 For Sure!
Both of these assholes think they deserve respect.
It would be so much fun to needle them.
This is why I don't fly.
ill take the wing, or risk the cold in the landing gear chamber
The actual devil would probably be a pretty interesting flight neighbor. Fun fact, I'd talked to Hulk Hogan in person more than once in random places, he actually talks "like that" all the time. He called me "brother", was weird as fuck.
10, I can watch the show in front while the guy next to me turtle crawls to the grave
And if I get bored as a constituent I have words for Vance and I’m not afraid to speak across an aisle to inform him what I think
#4. At least you could get Alex talking about lizard people and stuff.
I'd go with 9 to shred any remaining will to live left in me.
I'd take seat 7, dude. Then distract Terry with questions about pythons, jack.
4 because I'd love to see what that dude was like in an untelevised conversation.
5 is relatively safe, since I'm not a sofa. I can handle awkward silence.
3 could probably be a good time. He's a dick, sure, but he's probably not as annoying as any of the others.
Wherever the emergency exit door is, so I can
jump out immediately.open it and throw all of them out.Just storm the cockpit and crash the plane. Good sacrifice.
Permanently Deleted
#5, and my cat sits in my lap.
4, because I am a glutton for punishment.
If this is all hypothetical, I'll take one for the team and attempt a water landing when the fuel runs out over the Pacific. The hunger games of the survivors would be worth it.
This plan is going down for sure.
3 is probably the most fun, 9 has the best chance of a handjob though...
"So... who sold their soul to set this up?"
All jokes aside, why do medieval paintings suck so much when it comes to drawing animals?
NOBODY said 2?!
Obviously 2!
Someone tries to argue some point about the guy:
Actually, buddy, I met him and over the course of eight hours I learned ___________.
Maybe the learning is that he’ll lie to your face, seem very personable, is a Class A hoodwinker. Maybe it’s that he’s insufferable. Whichever, you get insight on how he treats normies he doesn’t need anything from. So you either understand more about how he deceives or more about how awful he is.
Wouldn’t ever help convince anyone of anything but should give some smug satisfaction how wrong somebody is when they walk away pretending you lost a political argument.
8 but strapped with explosives to take them all out. gods orders and all that. lol
Everyone's talking about getting laid in #9, but imagine getting laid in #6.
Where are the parachutes?
not 5, because i don't want to get in between vance and a nice empty seat.
Ugh, do I go with #2 where I have to worry about diaper failures and my seat being kicked, 8 where I risk witnessing CSAM, or 10 where the guy across the aisle is defiling the plane.
2, as a Anarcho Syndicalist Jewish Transfem (with Autism) I would annoy him for the entire flight. The way I see it you can either let them punish you or you can become the punishment, I know which one I'm choosin.
Pick who you want to be farting next to the entire flight. For me, it’s 4.
Punch airport security and get on a no-fly list.
- Of all the people there, Hulk Hogan is probably the most interesting and would have good stories to tell.
Edit: didn’t notice the devil. That’s a better choice. I’d still go with 7 though so I don’t have to hear trump’s voice.
9 has to be the most cursed seat on the plane. I guess I would take 7
3
There's only one thing I'd be thinking about on a plane filled with that many fascists and oligarchs and it wouldn't be where I was sitting.
3, so I could kick the back of the seat in front of me as I fully recline. At least the devil might be listening to some good music.
4,3,2,1 in that order. I'd seat hop; it would be so fun
I've just remembered I have an urgent funeral to go to and cannot board the flight.
Is taking the Gravity Express an option? Because I would rather kill myself.
8 and a pair of headphones, those 2 would just talk to each other and Satan is probably pretty good looking, if it's first class he probably has leg room and lap space, in the event I wanted to freak out the rest of the plane and hopefully cause at least a few fatal heart attacks
Each and every person in this flight had sat in seat 3 at some point. This is how they got to be the people they are.
Just a warning.
- I can still talk to satan and its an aisle seat.
I wonder what their going rate is on 9.
#2
Do you know how many mind games you can play with a narcissist who has nothing but piranhas surrounding him?
Sitting in seat 9 and just spending the whole flight pitting those two against each other would be pretty fun. Also probably pretty easy.
Is spending the whole 8 hours in the toilet an option?
I don't have enough fists. :(
Remember kids, suicide is always an option.
Two seats could be fun for the journey, the rest get me on a no fly list.
3 except they say trump smells really bad so maybe give me a respirator
Pilot: Fly the whole fucking plane into a remote mountainside.
Definitely not 4.
Forget about Alex. That seat cushion would not stay clean for long.
5 or 6, best opportunity for gay stuff and not terrible to look at.
Two, I would make trump symetrical with my nail + better to meet satan here, than in hell where I'll be when I die as a pro-LGBTQ+ pro choice atheist.
one question...
which of these are within the available options?
- replacing own life vest with parachute
- manipulating all seatbelts to get stuck
- waiting until all have their seatbelts on
- open en emergency exit in mid flight (or is it a boeing anyway?)
- picking all unnumbered seats (as was the question) one by one and remove the screws holding them in place.
- pushing the devil out of limits
- watching all the others to follow their guide.
- after landing guessing the discovery of having a parachute instead of a life vest was the reason for all of them to want to jump and use theirs for fun, but impossible to know why together with their seats, however they act against common sense anyway so no too big surprise there. and no need to be worried either as assuming they have parachutes. also beeing unable to do anything as the seatbelt somehow was locked and prevented leaving the seat until beeing freed by engineers after landing.
asking for a friend (who has some words to say to the one near 3 and to the ones who praise him too)
