These comments, yeesh. I am a cis white dude, and I don't see how this post is offensive. As I've gotten older and more self-confident, I absolutely call people out for their garbage opinions/statements. Being a cis/straight/white dude it happens all the time that somebody says something racist/sexist/homophobic in front of me assuming I'll be sympathetic. I've used all these "scripts" and encourage you all to use them also.
"I won't let you talk to them that way" is a bad one that doesn't belong on this list. It implies you're in control of them, which you're not. It's essentially a bluff, and if they call it, you need to be able to beat them up.
To add more good phrases to this list, the phrases need to imply that the person still has their own agency (because they do), and that it's just a dipshit way to use that agency. The other phrases are great.
I told a coworker they were "full of shit" then repeated that when they said "what?"
That why calling out people for being weird worked
"What the fuck" with a disgusted look is my go to.
My go-to is "Why do you think that is an okay thing to say?"
Nah, there's nothing louder than silence.
Wipe all expression from your face, and stare at them. Maybe just an expression of incredulity if this is out of character for them. That's all it takes.
Bystanders will literally stop what they're doing and watch. Their brains will scream "I'm about to be excluded from the group", and they'll start babbling. They'll confess their sins and be harsher on themselves than anything you could say
If you don't like their next words, give them nothing. Literally don't respond, anything you give them is closure. Don't give them closure, move on with your life - they can't.
Don't give them judgement, give them nothing. If you judge them, they can turn themselves into a victim or you into an enemy... Without a response, the only enemy is themselves, because they will crave your approval.
It's like a teacher staring down a student who keeps talking until the whole class is looking at them, except they don't know what to do to make it stop. So they try anything and wrack their brain for a solution. It seriously freaks people out
Note: this is less likely to work against neurodivergent people, they'll just be confused. That's how I learned to do this - I got annoyed and straight up asked a therapist why they kept staring at me when I was done talking. They explained the concept of a pregnant pause, and so I started using it.
And acquaintances started telling me how they were abused to explain their behavior and strangers started confessing how they cheated on their partners out of nowhere.
I get a lot of long apology emails the day after someone wrongs me, I now make an effort to give closure to everyone I like early and often.
Humans are tortured by this
The "do you hear yourself right now?" is a good one, gonna use it well
Weird… as a cis heterosexual white male, I don’t find myself hanging around people that I need to censor or correct at all. I’ve proactively cut all of those people out of my life within the past 8 years. My friends are the folks you don’t need to tell stuff like this to.
I will say, in the process of removing people that were awful, they tend to just laugh when they are “corrected,” as they find amusement in the antagonization. Once you separate yourself from them, it’s just 2-3 confused text messages and that’s the end of it.
ITT: a lot of people reading this to be specifically and only for cis white men, but they’re talking about the power any in-group member has to shut down bigoted shit and that’s what we should be focusing on. In a space where the biggest in-group is black women this post would be about them, but the most common “in-group” (disproportionately so) is white cis men so that’s who they mention. If this is making you feel attacked or targeted then please set aside that part of it and don’t discard the actual message, because this is honestly something everyone should think about.
Anytime you’re accepted somewhere, whether in public or among strangers, you have a lot of social power when it comes to setting the tone of conversation - one loud idiot can make a space feel extremely hostile to an outsider, and if everybody gives a polite laugh instead of speaking up that idiot learns saying things like that is okay and the “outsider” learns they’re not truly welcome. Literally one person who speaks up instead of letting it fly can solve this - the message is to be that person, not to attack anyone in particular.
There's one thing I really don't understand. And this question has no agenda except that I would like to. Also if I use the word "he" inappropriately, please for the sake of the question let that slide...
Say a woman transitions to a man. He's a man now, right? So why is it necessary that he be called trans and someone who was born a man be called cis? I mean if the goal is equality, and it should be, why should we know or care which is the case? And the same question goes for cis/trans women.
I play a lot of rocket league and the kids love homophobic slurs, I just call them pathetic.
Even a simple "bruh" can help.
Pin this somewhere.
Telling a dude to shut the fuck up works in any context. I yell it at strangers all the time
I usually ask what the hell it even matters to them and I usually get the Republican talking points. They're not going to change their minds because you shame them. Haters gonna hate. It's a shame but humans have a very long history of hating those that are not like them. Keep trying though, you never know....
Oh hey it's that mean voice in my head
I would like to extend some but not all of these responses to situations like but not limited to:
- X Should be the first ones to be shot.
- They're gonna make everything better.
- These people always think that Y.
- ...
Why do people like this talk down to straight men, while asking for the allegiance? As an older person you young people aren't very nice or accepting to each other.
You see all sorts of posts calling straight guys males, and telling them how awful and dangerous they are, but if you say "female" you're Hitler. No wonder the young guys in the u.s feel hated
Lul, yes, I was supervised how much to think about using "disguising" causes any haters that automatically think you are on their side.
But this post gives me an idea of being a bit more prohibitive, eg 'don't ever talk to/about them like that'.
It's actually really rare for anyone to talk politics to me, but that could be because, out of survival instinct, most people think I'm disinterested in politics or know I won't just nod along.
One time though, and I forget exactly what they said, but they took issue with the Unicorn Rainbow soft serve that the dairy 4h was serving and I told the "you need better hang ups".
Believe it or not though, I avoid those types and only interact with them because of work obligations.
As soon as you van stop using weird vocabulary as "cis man", i would start thinking about saying any of that.
Yes, there is a lotmof right wing bullshit going on but this entire Snowflake "Im special so we need to change language" is in large part what has pushed so many people to trump yo begin with.
To out it simple: you're part of the problem. Fix yourself too
"Hey white guys, fix this so we can improve society. Also, I'm choosing the bear, fuck white men."
This sort of thing bothers me. It seems people only want white men for what they can potentially provide, then I'm sure we'll all go back to hating again. Thanks for giving me another new label too I guess.
This should be gender agnostic advice, not specifically for white men.
