Cishet dudes of Hexbear: Do feel that certain gender or sexuality norms are harmful to you personally? If so, what are they and how would you say they affect you?
Cishet dudes of Hexbear: Do feel that certain gender or sexuality norms are harmful to you personally? If so, what are they and how would you say they affect you?
So, back when I was "still cis tho", there were a lot of aspects of male gender norms that bothered me deeply and of course I totally understand why now. Even though these days I obviously have a clear reason for feeling that way, I'm still curious if cishet men also have issues with how norms or expectations around gender and sexuality impact them in a negative way.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on how those norms impact you, whether good or bad.
Also, I should mention that since this is a bit of a sensitive subject we're talking about here, please be thoughtful and sensitive when discussing with others in this thread. Thanks! <3
EDIT: Much thanks for all the great responses here! I know it's a difficult topic of course, so I appreciate you sharing your thoughts/feelings like this.
Speaking of which... I just looked at /c/menby and some of the posts on the front page there are over 2 years old. I see a lot of the discussion here centered around not being able to share feelings and/or not having the spaces or support to do that in. /c/menby seems like the perfect place for that, just sayin'.
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Disclaimer: I know it's a sensitive subject, if anyone thinks there is any kind of misogynistic feeling please call me out so I can correct myself
I might be biased since I'm bisexual (heteroromantic tho) and grew up experiencing some form of gender nonconformity because I was often called a girl when I was a kid (I had long hair because I was rebellious). However I can say I mostly live the life of a cishet dude. Oh and I'm autistic so that might play a role.
So yeah I think het relationships are poisoned by heteronormativity, heterononogammy, male-female power dynamics and misogyny. Being in a serious relationship for me always meant having to provide a number of things that no one can actually provide. I feel like all hetero traditional relationships are doomed to devolve into boredom at best, abuse at worst, because people will consider that falling inlove means moving in together and have kids at some point.
I just wish we could fall inlove and treat this as an experience that doesn't imply building a life together. I can't be the center of somebody else's existence, and I think no one should put somebody else at the center of their own existence. But fucking Disney princess "happily everafter" bullshit made everyone collectively obsessed with treating love as some kind of feudal economic-political business
Of course I must reaffirm that the biggest victims of this system are queer people and women. I'm "playing on easy mode" but the game is still shit. Liberation of an oppressed group often means liberating the dominant group from their oppressor position, can't be true enough for queer and women's liberation imo
Your view on long-term relationships seems really black and white and extremely traditional. I'm not exactly the best person to talk on relationships since I'm recently divorced, but it was for reasons unrelated to what you're talking about. I meshed really well with my ex for the decade+ that we were married. We never devolved into boredom or any of that. You should consider the middle-ground when it comes to relationships, because that's where most of them fall. And trust me when I say that a healthy relationship doesn't have the couple putting each other at the center of their existence. We all need our own lives to live. I can't be around a SO 24/7 doing stuff with them 24/7. I have things I would like to do by myself.
Thank you for your perspective. If you have experienced divorce I guess you might be older than me so it is reassuring to think that I might simply lack experience