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REgon [they/them] @hexbear.net

If you were going to live a life as an animal, which animal would you choose?

And we're operating under the assumption you will live a fulfilling life as this animal. We do not talk about the war climate.

I'd like to be a grizzly or a raccoon.

49 comments

  • Apart from the obvious (Capybara, because they are chill, friends with everyone and are communists) I wouldn't mind being a House Gecko - Squatting in rich beachfront properties, hanging out on ceilings, eating bugs and fruits, freaking out suburban homeowners by dropping on their faces in the middle of the night, sounds like a pretty cool life

  • I'd be a sun bear, but in America, so people get really freaked out and think I'm just a human in a suit and they come up to me and then I judge their soul and destroy their entire life if required

  • If I were to live life as an animal, presumably meaning all my memories and consciousness and personality and sapience and whatever else get transferred to this animal... Then it's gotta be a common raven, I'd think.

    Ravens in the wild tend to live 10~15 years, but in captivity with ideal living conditions, ravens are believed to be able to live up to 50 years, the oldest verified raven reaching 44 years of age. And I can fuck with that. Ravens reach maturity at three years of age, and I'm in my early 20s, so let's say I start my life as a four-year-old raven.

    Ravens are also able to mimic human speech, and that's really the main draw for me. There are other perks to being a raven, too, but that's the big one. Like I'm sure there's a lot of people who'd like to have a low-demand talking raven as a pet.

    ...You know what, fuck it, make me albino and send me to a mochi shop, I am ready.

    • Also added benefit: they can fucking FLY!!!! For real though this is a good response. I would fuck with people so hard if I was transplanted into a ravens body. I'd just perch near random people and be like "Deeeeath comes for you...sqwuaaaack!" and fly away.

  • Something free, that is highly unlikely to be captured and enslaved by humans. I like the sea, so maybe a seagull. The animal equivalent of a beach bum, fly around and eat chips people have dropped. Poo on people's heads.

  • Oh god what a life it would be to be a bear. Eat what you like and then you get to relax undisturbed for weeks. That's a good pick.

    I think being a manta ray would be pretty cool. Seems like a chill vibe.

  • Orca and hunt some yachts with my buddies

    No but seriously I would be curious about being a blue whale - for something completely different and pretty alien to the human experience probably.

  • I can never pin down an answer that really feels right (guess I'm not a furry huh smuglord emoji) but most of the time I'd have to go with the mighty wombat.

    You basically get to be a mini herbivore killdozer. Wombats are known to share their burrows with some of their few natural threats, venomous snakes, as well as other animals seeking shelter during raging bushfires. Its like everyone just declares detente during the disaster and the magnificent wombat is able to provide safe harbor until the threat passes. If anyone steps out of line the wombat will crush them against the side of the burrow with its burly body.

    I think of them as like little hippos, with less natural aggression and defensiveness, more emotional intelligence etc. They seem to get more bitter and surly as they age (relatable) but baby wombats are curious and playful rough and tumble creatures (also relatable.) The only real threat to wombats are humans, and that would suit me just fine, they're my biggest threat too.

    The wombat is perhaps one of nature's gentler tankies.

    Also they poop cubes that can stack, so that would have a lot of entertainment potential as an inveterate shitposter.

    Other contenders would be: big fucken hawk because flying would be awesome and I could take on drones for sport, or literally return to monke so I could swing through trees (except monkeys seem to become like, weird gooners or violently tribal, so I dunno.)

    If I can be a crypto-zoological creature I would of course have to become the type of Sasquatch that can traverse time, space and multiverses.

49 comments