I don't have my shit together

get out of bed. brush your teeth. take a shower. get dressed. put on jeans. specifically jeans if you got em'. and a shirt. with underwear and socks.
if you have to do this where one day you get out of bed. thats good. thats a step. maybe tomorrow get out of bed, and go brush your teeth. and the next day get out of bed, brush your teeth, and shower. and so on. the big step is going outside. maybe just opening a window and breathing the air. or standing in your doorway and letting the light hit you for a bit is quite nice.
then maybe after doing this routine for a bit, you can throw on some shoes and go for a walk. maybe just around the yard. maybe the block. wherever you want. bring some music with you or a book. maybe head to a park and enjoy it. take the time to breathe that fresh air, even if its cold out right now. it helps. especially the sun light.
maybe after this try jogging? or maybe some light weights? or just calisthetics if you can. bit by bit. doesnt have to be every day. could be one day a week, then two, maybe three, four, five or six. and then some rest.
then when you feel like your up for it. find a new hobby, or an old one. and enjoy it. learn from it. from yourself.
live your life. enjoy it. theres no expectation from the universe. just experience this life and take joy from it where you can. and value the suffering as well. for it gives you the ability to appreciate the joy of play, and play is anything that brings you fulfillment. could be cooking, friends, music, sports, whatever.
have fun man, dont take life too seriously, nobody ever gets out alive, and thats okay. one day at a time.
after you figured that all out, and if you want a job, maybe get one you find interesting if anything. view it as a stepping stone, an experience, not a career you are a slave to, just....something to do. every day life will teach you something in ways you never expected. and one day in the future life will call upon you to remember what you learned, and you can choose whether or not to apply those lessons as you see fit. you decide your purpose. and thats not meant to pressure you, in fact it releases you from the percieved universal expectation of purpose nearly all of us feel.
you are free. you always have been. you just forgot, brother. its okay. you will get there. i believe in you! carpe diem!
- I have a note scrawled on a torn piece of notepad paper, stained now, wrinkled from being folded and unfolded, kept and tucked away, found, thrown away, dug back out of the trash and kept again.
  I wrote it in the depths of despair, one night after self-medicating with everything I could find and nothing worked, after trying to sleep and sleep not coming, after walking in circles around the block, after creating a new manifesto for my future and then throwing it away because it was hopeless. Then I had a brief glimmer of positivity, a small glint of appreciation for just sitting there breathing, because I know the alternative, because I have seen too much death.
  Note just says "It doesn't matter what you do with it, just being alive is enough."
  It's impossible to "waste" your life, it's impossible to "waste" time. Even if that time is spent miserable, struggling, or in absolute sedentary escape from reality. You are alive, you are breathing, you are experiencing things. That's all the universe wants from you, is for you to experience it in some capacity. It's the only reason you're here. You need the universe, the universe needs you, they don't exist without each other and even if you're just mindlessly scrolling the internet from under the covers of the bed you haven't left in three days, you are alive, you are experiencing the full force of human "aliveness" even if you're sad, scared, uncertain or in pain. You're here to experience it because at some point, it will all be about to end, and nothing you did will be any more or less relevant to your present moment. You will only want your present moment to continue, you will want that more than anything imaginable, you will long for your depression, your blankets, your dirty jacket and your phone. Just one more minute, just one more chance to see something or feel something.
  You get to experience all of that right now, you can stretch it out, you can appreciate the small, stupid things in your life right now. It doesn't matter if your life doesn't look like someone else's, what matters is you're living it.
  
  Goddamn, you just made me tear up a little
- What an excellent thing to read at the start of my day. Cheers.
- I really needed this, thanks!
- this guy spitting facts

If you're reading this, I want you to know that I'm proud of you. I know that I don't know you, but I don't need to know you personally to know that things are a lot right now, and have been for rather a while. If this comment makes you feel sad because simply existing is taking so much out of you that you feel like your life isn't much of an achievement, then I'm especially proud of you, because that's where I'm at, and it's hard.
Being very familiar with the cycle depicted in the OP is why I'm writing this comment: I know how hard it is to be kind to yourself when the world is bent on wringing you dry. Indeed, it's only through recognising our shared plight that I'm able to be kind to myself. Solidarity.

Do one thing that goes toward getting your shit together today. Thats it, just one. You will sleep soundly. Tomorrow, do one more thing.
- This is the true wisdom of the post
- Me after the sleep
  
  I have had experiences like this. Feeling like I was hit by a truck in my sleep.
  It’s an indicator for inflammation in the body and specifically in the brain.
  Look into nutrition and what you might be missing. Get a source of omega-3 fatty acids! They are essential for brain health.
  And I don’t mean chicken eggs, but a real source like cod-liver (in its own oil)

Just get all your shit together, and put it in a backpack, so it's together.

Volumetric Shit Compressor

Your shit is apart, and it's rather unbecoming of a cop and a human being. It's supposed to be the opposite of that: together. Compressed in a small area. To achieve a solid level of shit-compression, squeeze your butt-cheeks together for 30 minutes. Do something similar with the two hemispheres of your brain. Talk to people, maybe that will help.

Just have to lock in

I think I found the solution...just be a confident badass no matter what, be strong, sarcastic, show your power to others so they think you have good life, that you are the leader

jUsT bE hAPpY!
- everyone: jUsT bE hAPpY!
  me:

Where’s Princess Caroline when you need her
- Shez in the other castle.

Why is it somewhat real

Getting it together is easy. You just have to get it together.

dude. do not keep your shit in your basement. Flush it properly, and let it go. We all have to let it go. What's through, is through, and shouldn't come back.