Gender dysphoria and self harm

I'm an AMAB who recently discovered that I'm at least non-binary if not fully trans.

I've always felt a kinship with women, wanting to be part of their spaces and conversations, but I've always had the Keep Out signs thrown in my face. I suppose there's a combination of the really awful shit that women have to put up with constantly that's baked into our culture, and strong feeling of shame, discomfort, and just not having control that I evince.

I've read stories from men who are able to become part of such conversations, and I assume not all of them are fabrications.

I just know that the thought that I will never be trusted in that way makes me want to take a sharp object and open up an artery.

I need to do something before I actually follow through, or even just start damaging myself through this constant depression and self-anger - has anyone else here felt the same way and was able to resolve it and feel comfortable in their skin, and their place in society?

Or am I just a typical male controlling asshole and need to get over myself? I really don't know.