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I don't know what I am, I feel good in my masc body and also feel the desire to look fem and occasionally self insert as women when consuming porn. Idk it really doesn't matter, I kinda think I just want to be someone other than me.
I kinda relate to that.
I think it's hard to label something so complex, intimate and psychological as gender. I've become quite envy of women's fashion and I'm still not sure why. I think it's because of my need to express myself, and not really about the gender part. But then again, there are some styles you can't pull of with a man's figure. But I like my sex. I like my masc body and I've never felt dysphoria. I don't want to change. But I feel so limited when looking at men's fashion. Maybe that's because it is? So I'm just envy at the options women can choose from? That would mean that I don't agree with the gender role of men, not the gender. Or maybe it's just a twisted sense of heterosexuality. The fascination of women's beauty through clothing style. I don't know what to make of these feelings. If I could decide my sex/body every morning, maybe I'd choose a female one from time to time.
Still cis tho...
Sorry for the random rant 🙈I'm sorry that something that should be so benign and unimportant as fashion and common clothing choices make you question your sexuality/gender/body [without questioning it for real]. This is what I hate about fashion, or rather the fashion industry. And it starts so early. My two year old girl gets a lot of hand me down clothing from twins (boy and girl) and the girl stuff is so colorful and happy and cut so versatile and the boy stuff is... blue. White. Black. Brown. Beige. Grey. Green if you're lucky. It's tshirts, jeans, cardigans. Like, they're toddlers. Let them wear colors. Glitter. Velvet. Whatever.
That being said, there are plenty of cis hetero males that come to mind who experimented with fashion and also female clothing. I think Kurt Cobain gave a concert in a dress? As a very boring not really woke cis hetero woman I can tell you that I wouldn't care less or question your gender identity or sexual orientation or anything, I wouldn't think to see you like less of a man, if I saw you walking around with makeup and a dress. That shit's fun and it's just clothes.
Sorry for the random rant-reply tho.
Thanks for the kind words! Two years ago I didn't give a damn about fashion, but with my last two years of high school, something clicked and I'm somehow much more interested in style, expressing yourself and clothing in general. I'm not the daring type, but I'm slowly trying to move in a direction where I could satisfy this need. I experimented with my hair, got me some nice accessories and in general tried to be more conscious about what clothes I wanna have. I don't feel a need to wear a dress. But a nice long skirt would be pretty. Still, I don't feel ready and it's fucking scary, even with your assurances. But it's not like I have to change overnight. I recently made the decision to get some earlobe piercings and I'm at a point where I can't chicken out of it anymore – and when I have them, it would be a waste to let them close because I'm not wearing any earrings. 😁
I agree with your hate towards the fashion industry. I just feel so frustrated with these gender roles and pink=girl, blue=boy stuff. There's also a lot of systematic and internalized misandrism regarding this topic. The ol' judging "that's not manly" or "you look gay" crap. As if being gay is a bad thing. I feel it inside me, this fear of being associated with homosexuality. Which makes it even harder to break these stereotypes. I know I like girls. Why should I need the people around me validating my sexuality with clichés?
1 in 600 men have kleinfelter syndrome (XXY) most have no idea they have it, I found out at 39. I've had lots of thoughts like this throughout my life, or I'll see an absolutely stunning woman and the first thought I'll have is 'wtf is she wearing'. I always thought I was just weird.
Coming to terms with the fact that I'm intersex has been interesting. At one point I would've described myself as a 'cis male', now alot of the feelings I've repressed for years are starting to make themselves known. Now I don't know what I am
Oh, that's interesting! So just having a second X chromosome fundamentally changes how the brain works and thinks?
I think the general lack of testosterone is what makes the biggest difference. That being said, my brain functions very differently from that of my other male friends. I can remember well my teenage years and being exasperated at their behaviour, when my friends partied and drank I'd be there making sure they were eating and cleaning up after them so their parents wouldn't come home to a mess. I just thought I was strange, girls weren't a priority for me. They killed themselves to get any girl to look at them and married the wrong type of women. Now they're either divorced or miserable in marriages that being held together by children.
My relationships have been wholly emotional, many a relationship ended because of a lack of sex. My current partner prefers toys so it's worked out well, even though I'm on testosterone now and I have a libido for the first time in my life I still don't function like a normal guy... It just sucks
I can relate to feeling like the only one accepting responsibility. I'm making sure that we have everything planned, preparing stuff or cleaning up. But while I certainly don't kill myself to get any girl to look at me, I am interested in them. Plus, I have a libido. So I don't think I have Kleinfelter Syndrome.
I'm sorry for you as it obviously bothers you much.
Oh hey that was me for over 15 years!
I'm transfem now and happier than I've ever been.
With all of that being said, feel things out. Gender isn't a race to a goal, it's who you are and what that means for you. It took 3 separate personality crises before working through the fear and anxiety of it all. Even if you're just cis, what's important is that you get to be yourself.
Be who you want to be. Celebrate your uniqueness. My personal self loves being binary femme, but that's for me to decide and no one else. I'm also considering salmacian GRS, but that also doesn't define me.