What were you surprised to learn wasn't actually normal?

My first long term relationship was with a woman who could orgasm from penetration in less than a minute.

Oh plenty of things:

having respect for others

being honest

helping the needy

fair pay for fair work

honestly considering others' perspectives

loyalty

Basically every virtue I was ever told was worthy to embody has been used against me as a weapon or a tool

And of the hundreds of people I know IRL less than 10% give any of these internal value or even attempted to put into practice

And here I've been a sucker all my life doing the proper social contract thing because I don't like the way the world is shaping up and getting CONSTANTLY bent over for it

Reading.

Or rather, how so many people seem fear and avoid it, or can't do it. Something like 21% of adults in the US are illiterate, and the majority -- 54% -- read at or below a 6th grade level.

I've been a sight reader probably since I was about six years old. I absolutely cannot look at any words legibly written in my native language and not understand them. You couldn't force me to look at words written in English and not digest them if you held a gun to my head. I fear no wall of text, no matter how tall it is.

It takes some effort to wrap your head around the notion that not only can most people not do this, but statistically speaking most or at least a plurality of people have to struggle or exert conscious effort to read and many of them are loathe to do so. And roughly one in five people simply can't. This did not sink in for me when I was younger.

I can't imagine having to live my life that way. You nerds have seen how much bullshit I write in a day; I'd go absolutely bats.

Child abuse. I thought it was normal to threaten children with violence for noncompliance. I thought it was normal to be afraid to misbehave or be suboptimal in school at the threat of violence.

When I was much younger: that normal people could see much further than me.

One of my oldest memories is going into a McDonald's for the first time with glasses; I stopped and read the entire menu, because I couldn't believe normal people could read it as soon as you walked in. I always had to get up to the counter to make it out.

I got a lot better in school after that!

Nobody "dresscoded" me at home. As soon as I was old enough to pick my own clothing, I could. What skirts or jeans or dresses I wore was my choice completely. My school also didn't care much.

Blew my mind when I realized how many other girls had to sneak out with their clothes because the parents had a rule against tight jeans or whatever.

I still think my parents were right with this one. The kids with the strictest rules were always those with the craziest outfits. Can't blame them, I'd have done the same.

My family was super meat-centric for all holidays except Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Any meal where it's physically possible to barbecue, we would. And a family barbecue meant hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken, pork steaks, and beef steaks -- one of each per person, plus a couple of extras. Sides were German-style slaw and potato salad. Buns were not included, but my grandma would always put a stack of white bread on the table (she was the only person who ever ate it).

When I started dating my husband and took him to a family holiday, he was shocked by the fact that my whole family was eating hamburgers and hot dogs with flatware instead of on buns. And he was actually sad at the lack of side dishes.

When I went to one of his family barbecues, I was sad that there was just one hamburger per person (already on a soggy bun) and a ton of weird casseroles.

Limited joint range. I just thought that's as far as they went. It still freaks me out slightly when I see people using a normal range, as if they'd just turned their heads through 360° or bent their knees the wrong way.

Standing to wipe your ass

Struggling not to act on my impulses all the time, doing foolish things before thinking and not being able to go more than a brief period without embarrassing myself. I thought everyone dealt with impulse control issues. Oh hey Adhd, nice to see you.

This was a really recent realization for me. I am one of the people who can voluntarily activate the tensor tympani muscles in my ears to create a low level rumbling sound. I recently tried explaining this to someone else and they still think I am making it up.

• "Maladaptive Daydreaming"
• I have an issue with being remembered in person (at least that's what my therapist said). I will go to different chains of the same store on rotation, or stop going to a store all together if they remember me "too much." I'll wait until shift changes or that it's been long enough that they've forgotten about me. I've stopped going to certain places all together if there's no alternatives. Outside of lemmy, I have no social media. I don't want anyone to ever be able to look me up. Apparently people don't do that.
• Using different cutlery based off of meal size/how long you want to savor something (ex: You like ice cream, so you may eat it with a smaller spoon so it lasts longer.).
• Wondering what people were thinking/picturing when they bought their clothes (not in a "wow, that's ugly, what were they thinking" but what they saw themselves as. Did they see this suit and think of themselves as a ceo? Did she buy thay dress and imagine the places she'll wear it? That sort of thing).
• Having multiple paths to one place. I could get to my classes or office multiple ways. I would rotate, take these stairs one day, this elevator the next, etc.
• I believed everyone had some kind of food that would give them the boo-boos. I'm actually just lactose intolerant.

Mine are all pretty mild.

Everyone reading all the time at home. Pretty much every room had bookcases, full to bursting with books. When I was old enough to have friends around they all said how weird it was to have so many books.

My parents were really emotionally distant. I don't recall either of them telling them they loved me - or each other for that matter. No hugs or kisses. More than one of my girlfriends called me an emotional cripple.

Home-cooked food every night. We never ate out, never had takeaway. My mum was a great cook though so although my friends seemed to think it was weird I'd never had a MacDonalds when I finally did try it I didn't understand the hype.

Oh, and the poop knife, of course.

Synesthesia. I was about 20 before I learned it has a name and not everyone has strong colour associations for numbers and letters, or sees a visible map of time in their head, or has music take shape. It never occurred to me to question it because it's always been my norm.

Growing up in a house with hoarder parents:

• Having absurd amounts of pretty much anything standing around in the house.
• Parents going through your trash and blaming you for throwing away certain things that were 'still good to use' (they weren't).

Taking multiple shits every day, after a friend pointed it out that wasn't normal I did a lactose test and found out I've been lactose intolerant all my life.

Excruciating period pain that would leave me fainting and vomiting every. Single. Time.

"Every girl goes through this" said the doctor, convincing my parents that I was just "dramatic".

Turns out I had huge polyps growing out of control! Left scarring in my uterus and high-risk when pregnant.

Dealt with that hell every fucking month since I was 11 until I got onto birth control in my 20s.

Not being able to see anything when closing my eyes and not constantly hearing a voice in my head. I have aphantasia and thought people were always seeking metaphorically about seeing things in their head.

I only more recently learnt that people actually hear things as well as in like an internal monologue. To me, the whole thing sounds exhausting.

I grew up thinking it was normal for grown men to be attracted to little girls. My mother had a habit of pointing out random men who just happened to be around and telling me they were staring at me/thinking about how beautiful I was/in love with my/trying to look up my skirt. The way she talked about it made it seem like it was a common, acceptable thing.

I don't know if this counts, but when I was little I'd go to friends houses, then later in high school to my first serious girlfriends house, and I remember their families were like... loving? I loved spending time at my girlfriends house especially, hanging out with her Mom and her Dad even if my gf wasn't there. They were so nice, and you could tell had genuine affection for their children (and to some degree, me). I miss you Mr. and Mrs. Miller!

I sniff things. I have a habit where if I am given something I sniff it first looking for a scent first. I do it more often with food than anything else, because I have childhood roach trauma and if anybody has had to deal with the german ones they have a specific smell. Clothing, body care products, boxes, tools, leaves, etc. I sniff it first before I do anything with it. I didn't realize it was weird until my roommate asked me why I kept sniffing things he gave me to hold.

I also shake my towel before using it (IYKYK). I'm trying to break myself on this one.

In highschool nobody told me it's not normal to put on Off like body spray before bed.

Anything I am given from my mom or someone I'm not familiar with I leave it out in the sun 100's ft away from the house for multiple days before I bring it it. I have to inspect every bit of it, shake it, turn it over, etc. Apparently that is not normal, according to some of my coworkers.

I have holes in my fingertips that turn into ulcers and then get better, but it cycles. I've been to the doctor multiple times, they are stumped.

I tend to pick at food when I am at someone's house, especially if I'm new or they recently had a pest problem they've let me know about. I'm shut down, I can only drink water or I have to wait it out and then get food outside the home. I feel like a bad house guest but I'm so scared of eating bugs or mouse droppings.

A lot of my abnormalities seem to stem from some sort of trauma response - I know these aren't normal* now *but trying to break away from some of them is incredibly hard. I have just gotten to the point where I don't ask anyone if I can shower before I actually shower in my home(it slips sometimes, I can't help it). As an adult I realize I look like a paranoid ninny and I think my long time best friend just didn't want to cause a breakdown or something when we were still in high school. I know she probably saw and knew, but I'm lucky I have her and her family worked with kids similar to my situation for a long time so they were the least judgmental people I knew during the dark ages. Also life is tons better, I just need to work on my weird habits like sniffing things. That's gonna get me one of these days.

Homophobia

I was raised in a right wing, rural area, and i didn't meet a gay person til higschool. When he said he was gay, i assumed he was joking.

Im trans now lol

Grab the one of the middle knuckles of one of your fingers firmly with your other hand. Now slide the skin to your fingertip, then down to the base knuckle.

What's that? You can't do that, because the skin is fixed in place? Well, imagine my surprise when I learned penises aren't supposed to be like that.

Some people don't own their home. They rent it. Took me a while until I realised that we were the abnormal ones for owning homes.

Looking at light or sky when I need to sneeze helps me sneeze quicker.

It's apparently something to do with Photic sneeze reflex. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Photic_sneeze_reflex

That not everyone secretly wanted to be a woman.

Having near constant racing thoughts and always feeling like you have to work on something and if you don't it makes you anxious. I thought my boyfriend was the alien for being able to not think about anything at all and just chill and do nothing.

At Easter, my family had a tradition where Easter Bunny left notes telling us where the next set of eggs were and we'd follow a trail of clues around the house. I thought everyone did it that way