2w ago

I want to be there for him but I can't take it

My ex-boyfriend has been struggling with depression lately, and I want to be there for him as a friend, but he refuses to try to help himself, says I can't help, and thinks he's worthless and all.

I can tell him he's not, and comfort him, but I know he'll just not believe me and thank me for saying something nice to him. He's always depressed and I can't do anything to help and that makes me sad.

8 comments

How many times are you going to post about this ignoring everyone's advice? He does not want you, he is using you. You are not friends. You are holding onto non-existent hope. Stop. Move on
- Thanks. He says he doesn't want me in any way, so it's obvious he's just keeping me around anyway, I don't mean much to him.
- Relationships, attachment, and our brains arent that simple—I'm sure you know this.
  Dial it back a bit. OP isn't the bad guy.
I don't have anything helpful to say. Just that that really sucks.
look - i am old, so do what you want with my thoughts on this.
i have a few significant exes. i keep in touch with all of them. sometimes it’s just a birthday or xmas greeting, other times it’s a “hey! who was that guy with the dumb hair that smoked too much?” we grew apart, but at one point we had a bond. but what also happened is that we matured. (and they also met wonderful mature new partners).
anyway - the point is that you can still care for someone you’re no longer dating, and (for the most part), there’s always a place in your heart that your exes will occupy, and you can still care about them, even if you aren’t in love with them any more. it’s what makes us human. you’re wonderful for having this caring feeling for him.
tell him the words of reassurance. he needs it right now. let him be dismissive, but he NEEDS words of reassurance, and tell him to seek some guidance from somewhere; perhaps professionally.
this comes with a caveat - don’t let this situation be used to convince you that you should get back together, if that’s not what you want, and be sure to assert your belief in this matter.
best of luck to you, and also to him!
- Thank you so much!! It sucks to know he doesn't want me in any way but he keeps me around, but my self-esteem is low so I don't say anything.
I want to be there for him as a friend
This is noble, but I’m sorry to tell you that you can’t really do it yet. You broke up less than a week ago and the feelings are too raw.
In a few months, you might have gotten enough closure to be friends, but it can’t happen both immediately and healthily.
I’m very good friends with one ex, but it took literally years after we broke up to be friends. I’m friendly with others (but we don't really care about each other, though we certainly don’t wish each other ill, as a gauge), and that happened much faster after the relationship.
I’m glad he’s your ex. At least you’ve gotten that far.
Your mental health is important, too. It’s not worth it to burn yourself out. If that means you have to make a hard choice, then so be it.

8 comments