Skimmed through this and in the span of probably two minutes read some of the most terminally online stuff ever. I'm gonna go kiss my kid on the forehead now and then rake some leafs in the yard.
When a marginalised person gets upset at a dickhead for marginalising them and you then utilise "civility" rules against that marginalised person, you are directly taking part in performing an action that marginalises them. You are an oppressor, siding with other oppressors.
Tragedy: the worst person you know just made a great point.