Everyone said I was disadvantaged by having a single parent, but I didn't have to live through any of that shit except for 1 year my mother married (and then left the guy because he was an ass)
Yeah I had a similar situation. My dad was a toxic person who thought it was wrong when I cried (which I did a lot; I was a very emotional kiddo) and my mom did everything she could to protect me from that. They eventually separated the year I went into high school, and guess which one I still talk to now in my adult life.
I had subtly internalized that idea from growing up in a small, narrow-minded town. I don't remember it explicitly being said to me but probably it has. Don't think it came from my parents though. Definitely not from my mom, maybe from my dad.
My point is that despite the subtlety of it all (as far as I can remember), I had a hard time getting over this internalised toxic masculinity. I can only imagine if it was much more explicit.
But you are you! You define your own masculinity. And as paradoxal as it may seem, being comfortable in your own masculinity, however you define it, is the most manly thing you can do.
Maybe it's because i hang around the queer parts of the Internet so much but this story just feels incomplete to me without an "I showed him, I'm a woman now" at the end :)