Be yourself and be true to who you are. Don't let neurotypical conditioning define your identity.
Be yourself and be true to who you are. Don't let neurotypical conditioning define your identity.
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lifeinautismworld
"Autistic people are too sensitive."
Meanwhile, here's a list of things that offend allistic people.
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not making eye contact
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wanting to be left alone
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not wanting to take part in a conversation
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using the wrong tone
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showing the wrong amount of excitement
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pointing instead of using words
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not wanting to be touched
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not wanting to eat certain foods
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wearing earplugs around other people
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stimming in a way that does not affect anyone else
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not following traditions
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questioning their authority
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This kind of talk is counterproductive.
Humans are social creatures. There has almost always been some sort of social norm across all of history. Likewise, there has almost been judgement of people who break social norms.
People with Autism have, among other things, trouble following those social norms. Ultimately a lot of the things we do could be considered offensive. The important part is to increase awareness that Autism is a disability and to ask for tolerance.
Meanwhile a lot of ways that autistic people are sensitive in are pretty alien and jarring. There's a lack of emotional regulation that often leads to disproportionate outbursts. There are sensory issues that can lead to relatively benign things causing said outbursts. There are a ton of things that are simply more disruptive than a neurotypical person getting miffed that someone doesn't make eye contact.
Evidently, this is a divisive and emotional topic. Still, we’re happy that we are talking about it because it’s certainly important to us in the community. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be so heated about it. At the same time, we’d like to keep the discussion respectful. It’s completely fine to express your opinions as long as they aren’t explicitly violating any of the rules, especially promoting hate. It’s respectful and effective to disagree with someone over a passionate topic without calling them offensive names. There is no need to personally attack anyone or a group, and we do not want to maintain a space that is used for creating hateful division.
Remember, we’re here to discuss all matters related to autism, have a place where we can freely be autistic without having to mask, and ultimately create a community. It’s understandable to get heated over topics, but try to remember that you’re responding to another person that may feel emotional about the matter as well.
In other words, please practice human decency.
Why can't we just be ourselves, without NTs imposing judgement on us? Sometimes I feel like I'm expected to act NT, when I feel like it shouldn't be a big deal. It's very frustrating for me. So what if I don't know how to add to a conversation, or if I avoid eye contact, or if I don't like people trying to make eye contact with me for too long? Can't I just share that I'm autistic, and be given my own autonomy? I really don't like when NT standards are imposed on me. It makes me angry.
not wanting to be touched
That was a big one that contributed to my divorce. Even after decades and with the person who was supposed to be my closest relationship, and even after explaining a million times that the worse my autoimmune illness got, the less I wanted to be touched, it was a massive problem.
I still don’t get it, because I’ve never once thought someone else not wanting me to touch them impacted me in any way. I also never feel the need to touch other people. I guess that’s weird.
As: Saying what you mean.
Most of the things in the list above are just circumstances where misunderstandings arise and it's not uncommon for autistic self-care (like withdrawing, not paying attention, etc) to be mistaken for disrespect.
When I was a kid, these misunderstandings sometimes led to me getting beat up. Now that I'm a larger-than-average adult man, the bullying and schoolyard nonsense doesn't happen but the misunderstandings and ensuing anger can take the form of grievances that have a way of turning into career-limiting drama. It' still bullying, it's just done the way adults bully.
These are all deeply frustrating, circumstantially stupid, and they all arise from an ignorant mistake in which me being inattentive or low on social energy or just having a hard time turns into them 'feeling disrespected'.
It can be exhausting when people take offense when none was honestly on offer- and the resulting dominance nonsense that sometimes ensues when they're petty about it has me a little convinced that too many adult people out there really don't distinguish between respect and submission to their weird dominance games
I never really thought about this like that...
If the term "allistic" offends you: grow up, it's a new word. Is learning a new word scary? Cis isn't offensive. Allistic isn't offensive. If you become insecure because a previously unnamed characteristic or condition or yours suddenly receives a name that doesn't have implicit negative connotations, you should go work on whatever problem you have.
Well, between two sides picking different ways to do eye contact and tone to use there's no reason to call one way and one tone wrong and another correct. Same about wanting or not wanting to do anything. So the author of that list, if sincere, is not "allistic", just assholeistic.
Also - I personally question someone's authority only when it's correct in the ongoing argument.
However, I usually ignore any authority I consider invalid. That's not the same as "questioning", as I'm not doing that demonstrably, that is, socially, just don't let it in onto my personal territory, speaking figuratively. And thus is not someone else's concern.
You can add, spelling words wrong to this list.
In my experience, labeling a divergence is used medically to help deduce the type and amount of treatment (and how much money you can get for it) , and socially to just have a catch-all, casual way to tell peers about your divergence easy in within a minute instead of a whole convo about it. Folk without any divergence don't need a label for those reasons, so it feels weird to me make one up that further specifies how 'normal' or 'without diagnoses' someone is. Most folk with a neuro-divergent diagnosis also don't list all the diagnoses they don't have, not because they like to be disrespectful but because thats how you use words in a conversation, you try and be a bit concise and efficient while getting your message across. Considering that, it feels pointless to use a word like allistic, pretty much like using the word neuro-typical conditioning, what does that even mean? living life among undiagnosed functional peers? sheesh, how do you tell everyone you're uncomfortable with your diagnosis without telling you're uncomfortable with your diagnosis...