I hate pumping my own gas. It's dirty, it smells, the machine is always different in every company, so you have to get used to a new thing if you go to some place you don't usually go to, and if the weather is bad, you have to stand out in the cold and wind. I'd absolutely pay a premium not to do that. Maybe not 100% of the time, but often.
Pumps now also include ads as you pump your gas too. Now we'll be able to stand in the rain listening to ads while we pay the same price to pump our own gas and then get our credit card skimmed because nobody is around to watch the pumps at night.
Gas pumps are pretty standardized, I’ve traveled all over the country and not once have I looked at a gas pump and been like “how the fuck do I use this?”, that sounds like a personal problem.
Either you put the card in the slot or tap it on the reader. I've never seen any pump do it differently. And they all have prompts on the screen that walk you through it if you're confused.
If you really can't handle it, you can go in and ask for 10 gallons on pump 3 or whatever.
A hess gas station I was at a few years ago put regular in the middle instead of on the left. Started pumping before I noticed. Also, as I totally believe you about driving all over the country, you should know that octane levels vary a bit in places like Wyoming.