Assuming you're a normal person and therefore have a complicated, toxic relationship with your family such that you don't want your estate split evenly between your next of kin, a will with which to scorn each of them one last time.
Don't skip the paperwork for declaring your executor and/or a living will either - you don't want those presumedly slimy bastards making medical decisions for you while you're in a coma.
You should will each person you want to scorn at least one dollar. They then can not argue that they were simply forgotten.
Well, there’s the obvious will, but since it doesn’t specify how you die: an advanced directive.
An advanced directive is a document wherein you, while living and conscious and with control of your mental faculties, detail end of life care in the event that you are not capable of providing informed consent. You can detail how much and what kind of resuscitative or palliative efforts are made, assign someone you trust to make medical decisions for you, and what to do with your body.
DNRs (do not resuscitate, meaning no CPR done on you if your heart stops) are parts of advance directives and if you are serious about one make sure it gets into your medical chart: EMS personnel MUST provide CPR if it isn’t official.
If your family/friends situation is poor, contentious, and/or you can’t trust them to make the right choices for you medically, this can save you a painful death. Unfortunately, a lot of end of life “care” is the family’s attempt at prolonging the heartbeat of a nearly dead person because they can’t accept loss.
If your situation is good, it can still be a huge load off people’s minds to know that there’s a plan being followed, and it can prevent any rifts from forming. Even though you won’t see it, it’s a kindness to your loved ones to give them some peace of mind during what is often a chaotic and confusing time.
Since your response is matches my thoughts the best An independent executor so your friend or family member isn’t burdened with cleaning up after you while they are still hurt. Also leaves those you live out of the fighting.
Itemize your possessions. Maybe have your friends and family speak up and mention what they would want. Pointedly ask them. This avoids you leaving that green elephant to someone who didn’t want it when you want it to go somewhere it would be appreciated. Label things you want individual people to have. My aunt used dot stickers. Made it so simple.
An independent executor so your friend or family member isn’t burdened with cleaning up after you while they are still hurt.
I don't know about that. It'll depend on your circumstances but it's asking a lot of a friend? My partner is getting everything and he is my executor because all the decisions should be his and because he knows where everything is. I don't really like the idea of someone else poking through my stuff, either. Or putting him through someone else poking through our stuff.
A letter accusing your worst enemy of your murder, to be sent to the media in the event that you stop resetting your dead man's switch.
A script that deletes all of your online information.
Meh, I'd be more likely to make a script to upload all my remaining information. Not like I got any accounts anyone could use for any personal gain, I'm more of an internet historian archiving old software and stuff.
Permanently Deleted
... and then reddit undeletes it
Are they doing that with everyone removing their content lately? So much for having control of your user account and persona.
Instructions on how to contact any online acquaintances or communities that should be informed of your death
According to someone I met recently who shared way too much -- a will. Apparently her husband passed away unexpectedly and it has been a nightmare getting everything sorted.
get your will in check too!
A direct cremation plan. And instructions to not have your ashes interred in a graveyard or funeral home. It'll save your loved ones thousands of dollars, and save them from being exploited by the multi-billion dollar funeral industry.
hold on explain in more detail what should be done
Okay, so:
Direct cremation is a very specific thing that morticians are obligated to provide, at risk of losing their license if they refuse. It costs less than a thousand bucks (but usually a lot less), and they don't make a lot of money off of it. So, they're unlikely to offer that service unless you use those specific words: DIRECT CREMATION.
What that means is your body is cremated, and your loved ones get your remains back in a plastic bag in a box. They can spread your ashes wherever you want. Or flush you down the toilet. But they probably shouldn't do that, because there's bits of bone in there and that would be really awkward to explain to a plumber. But you get the idea.
Funeral directors will attempt to take advantage of your family's grief to upsell them on virtually everything imaginable. I mean, you loved X, didn't you? Don't they deserve the best? They're monsters. When my brother died our parents were ready to hand over $15,000 to those ghouls for nothing. I intervened, and the same service they wanted was possible for around $800.
Fuck funeral homes.
weird how no one mentioned anything to do with your organs (i actuakly have no idea what to do with them either rofl what does one do)
If you’re in the US and have a license they’re supposed to ask you to sign up to be an organ donor. Do that and let doctors decide what’s best instead of bequeathing a kidney to your cousin George.
But what about my bronzed kidney displays holding the kidneys of my ancestors for hundreds of years?
When my husband died unexpectedly, he had requested to be an organ donor (USA). The funeral home had me sign a consent form to allow his organs to be harvested. I didn't know which ones, but it was a time-urgent matter. I hope some of his organs went to people who needed them. He was a healthy 30-year-old man.
sorry for your loss thats terrible. also, sorry to say this but are you sure it was a legitimate operation? organ donation is tje US is highly unregulated and many donated bodies domt get used for intended purposes. if you want to know more about that look into 'stephen douglas gore'.
a towel. every hitchhiker should carry a towel with them.
Personally i dont care, really.
When i die im dead, so i will stop giving fucks.
I dont care what happens to my body
I dont care what happens to my stuff
Just make sure im dead
If you have dependants, then they certainly care if your affairs are in order, or not. Dealing with the aftermath of a death is not trivial when it comes to number of hoops to jump through.
Not even just dependents but even friends and other family. I recently saw someone go through being an executor of a friend's will, and that will was relatively in order, and it still took over a year to wind everything up.
Preparing for death is more about relieving the anxieties of your life. Preparing for death can help to lessen anxiety about dying.
You line of succession, lest you leave the kingdom vulnerable to imposters and agents of chaos.
Permanently Deleted
You can actually get that back with a bit of luck:
Permanently Deleted
Clean underwear
If you're one of the plebes still on facebook, you should designate someone to inherit your account. There's a setting for it. Otherwise, if someone memorializes your page, they won't be able to make any changes, like update photos.
Two million dollars for your granddaughter in an offshore account
Suspiciously specific.
Make sure you add a statement of wishes to your will, especially look into your digital legacy. My will was straightforward but my statement of wishes was lengthy and the poor lawyer had never had to deal with anything like it before so had to consult a senior partner. In the end they just copy and pasted it over - money for old rope.
can you elaborate on what your wishes were and why
It's quite lengthy.
It covers my digital legacy so gives the password to my password manager and a list of key accounts that need shuttering, especially my Wikipedia admin account.
Then various classes of items to different places - academic books to the university library, others to specialist collections, general fiction off to one person, comics to another and on.
If it's something you are interested in, you should read around on the subject as various guides give you examples that may be closer to your circumstances.
Have a method for your loved ones to access all of your important passwords. If you have a password manager, having a shared vault with a trusted partner or family member is important.
Lots of them have an emergency access feature, definitely worth looking into if you haven't
Respawn point.
Gotta put down a bed before you go.
rm -rf / —no-preserve-root
An up to date offsite backup so you can just restore to the last state with minimal loss
