- Your body is now "out of warranty". When it breaks in a significant way, it may never get fully better. Don't do stupid stuff that will break it in those ways.
- If you haven't figured out yet that you can't drink, party, or skip sleep like you did earlier in life, learn it quick. Each of these will have a much larger impact on you.
- If you don't have your retirement savings on track now, you have a VERY VERY short window to correct that. Its going to be much harder now to put the money aside than it would have earlier in life, but you're in the prime earning years of your life. I would think you will earn more now in the next 10-12 years or so than you will/would have in any 10-12 years of your life.
- Hopefully you've learned by now to be comfortable with yourself in your own skin. This means not doing things/buying things to impress other people. You are who you are. This doesn't mean stop learning or improving yourself, but nobody is going to be impressed with a 40+ year old driving an amazing car. It doesn't matter how amazing the car is.
- Support younger people. You didn't get where you are on your own. You had help, advice, and your mistakes were forgiven by those older than you because of your youth. Now its your turn to do that for the younger people. You grew up seeing heroes around you. You are now the hero in a younger person's eyes. Hold that duty sacred. Be their hero in how you act.
- Embrace change! No, things aren't like they used to be. No, they shouldn't necessarily go back to those things just to make you comfortable. Its not our world anymore, it belongs to the younger generations. Understand your ways could be out-of-date or backwards. Your old ways worked for you in that old world. That old world is gone. Be part of the new. You'll have to do this two or three more times before you die if you live into your 80s or 90s.
- Stay fit. That doesn't mean body builder or supermodel. It means be moderately active so that picking something up doesn't cause a strain injury that will take you 6 months to a year to recover from. You shouldn't be out of breath walking up stairs. If you are, make changes. You're likely already seeing the difference in your peers with those that stayed fit vs those that didn't. Be part of the first group, not the second. If you are in the second group, you can change to the first by taking care of your body and eating properly.
- Make a will. You will die and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Dying without having a will makes some of your assets evaporate in probate and may mean your money/assets go to people you may not want.
- Go to the goddamn doctor for wellness checkups! You're entering the time of life where conditions found early are treatable. Don't dying/become disabled because you were too lazy or afraid to go. Yes, some of the things are going to be uncomfortable, but I can tell you its much more comfortable than debilitating pain or death.
You might look at the list above and think it negative for you now. Its not at all. This is the prize for living to this age. You likely have some friend or family that died before 40. You are here to see this part of your life. Make sure you're still here to see 50, 60, 70, with as much of your body and mind as you can.
Good luck!
Just off the top of my head:
- If It's at all possible, retire early! Look into FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early)
- Carry as little debt as possible
- Max out your 401k (otherwise you're leaving money on the table!), build a savings account, and maintain at least 6 months' expenses worth of cash in an emergency account
- Where you can, plan ahead for large purchases (e.g., vacations, new roof) and make them in cash instead of financing them
- Minimize consumption of goods to maximize financial power (i.e., don't get sucked into lifestyle creep!)
- Do spend money on things that are high-quality and will last
- Lift heavy things often
- Don't skip cardio
- Hydrate!
- Use sunblock (physical >>> chemical)
- Get your routine medical stuff (e.g., mammograms start at 40), even the uncomfortable ones (colonoscopy!), and don't wait until minor things become major to get them checked out
- Be calm, rational, and intentional in your interactions with others, and if you've behaved poorly, give a heartfelt apology. This is especially important with your significant other.
- Pay closer attention to your parents' needs - they are aging and will start to need help they may not be willing to ask for
- Don't be afraid to remove bullshit from your life. That one "friend" who you never want to hang out with because they just drain your energy? It's OK to let that friendship go.
I don't have kids so no advice there.
I'm well old enough to be your daddy. Here are some things you should pay attention to.
Have a reason to get up every day you can breathe. Because if you have no reason to, you will wither and die. I've seen it happen and it ain't pretty.
Time will seem to accelerate. You will slowly start to notice that the "past" gets farther behind you quicker and the "now" flies by to become that "past" and the "future" gets here far too soon.
Like it or not, you are getting closer every day to dying rather than living no matter what you do. Make your peace with that concept because no one gets out alive.
Buy a nice suit. You will probably be going to the weddings of the children of your friends or your own children. And far more sadly, the funerals of family and friends. And at some point in time, the funerals will out number the weddings.
Start doing things for society. Get involved in your community. Help build a park or two or three, teach kids something - I spent 4 years tutoring/teaching math to kids in a small rural school during COVID. It did cost me some health, (Thanks! long COVID), but it was worth everything it cost and I would do it all over again. Those kids did more for me than I could do for them.
Physical exercise is great but don't forget to exercise the mind also. Because if you don't, you will lose cognition and the ability to think perhaps faster than your physical health - and this is my greatest fear. Cultivate hobbies that stimulate mental challenges. And a diet of video games ain't it. Go fishing, bird watching, gardening, do art. Something, anything, that challenges the mind to solve problems and be creative. I design and build metal model steam engines and 3D printed items to try and keep my mind sharp. I try to learn new skills every chance I get.
As much as it might be fun to travel the world and see new places and people, there is a whole world to explore right outside your door. Go explore it and really learn the details of it. It will surprise you with it's beauty and complexity. You don't need to be rich to explore the world.
Teach something to someone. You know things - pass it on to others. Do not let the knowledge die with you.
Learn to laugh at yourself - do not fear looking silly. It can help make people feel more comfortable with you and with themselves.
And finally, live a good life. Be kind and be there for the world when it needs you. Leave a legacy for others to remember you by - even if it was only a kind word at the right time. The memory of you is all the world will have - leave your mark on it.
Good Luck! We all need it!
Eat your vegetables and exercise.
If you're fat, lose weight. It's a risk factor for practically everything and you're getting old now whether you like it or not. You can at least stop causing further damage.
Read books. It helps you stay sharp. If you just can't read, do something else daily that uses your brain.
Do whatever you can to get away. Even for just 3 day weekends. Even just camping should be inexpensive enough.
If you can afford more ... Get as far away as possible. Stop making excuses.
Didn't see anyone suggest it, but I can't recommend it enough, spend time with your parents, and, if they're still alive, your grandparents!
This really put it into perspective for me.
If you were a late baby like me, your parents are likely getting into their 70s now. You may have 20 years with them. You may have 5. I'm lucky if get to see mine once a month because of work. That's around 60-240 times left to see them. If I spend an hour with them each time(which is a stretch), that's 10 days tops. Enjoy the time you have with them and pray you're lucky.
Also, if you have any loved ones, tell them you love them every chance you get. My wife and I have traded "I love you"s nearly every day for the past 23 years. You never know when it'll be the last time, so say it as much as you can to anyone you care about! It doesn't cost anything, and tell me it's not great to hear when someone says it to you. Spread that shit around!
Lastly, if you can afford it, travel. You don't have to travel the whole world, and it doesn't have to cost a fortune. I know people hate on them, but my wife and I book at least 1 AirBnB a year. We find a cheap place that's only a day's drive away and book it for a week. Just get outside of the safety net that is the streets and places you know.
For that matter, take any opportunity you can to make new memories. We are creatures of habit, and our brains don't like to waste. It's believed that one of the reasons our days feel like they fly by is because we're following a routine that our brain meshes with the memory of similar experiences and routines to save energy. Being in new places, experiencing new things, and making new memories may help with breaking up those moments where the day, week, month, or year are gone in a flash.
Be proactive about your health.
#1. Don't get fat.
Most physical things are use it or lose it, so don't slow down, move around, have sex, dance, lift weights and definitely do yoga but:
The one physical effect I've suffered getting older is that it takes for fucking ever to heal or recover. So don't neglect rest and recovery either. Especially with lifting, every other day may work better now.
Don't get old too soon, because then if you live a long time, you might be old for decades, wait until you are closer to the end to get old.
Most of all - enjoy! Enjoy life, now you have more experience and can feel it more. Like really look around at all the amazing things in the world. Even now. So much beauty, so much joy.
Try not to do that again; it's very bad for the space-time continuum.
Keep an eye on your health. Yearly checkups, bloodwork, etc. as well as paying attention to what you eat and how much you move.
Be thinking about retirement and what you can do/invest to prepare. What this looks like depends heavily upon the country in which you live.
Living will and will if you haven't already.
Don't let people tell you to "act your age" you still be silly and fun.
I’m only 43 so it’s not like I’m far ahead of you, but here’s what I know. You don’t have enough insurance, especially if you have a family; auto home or life. You’re not saving enough for retirement, better bump up those 401k contributions or consider an IRA. Don’t move heavy things anymore, herniated discs are more common and no joke. You aren’t seeing the doctors enough either; get your yearly and don’t skip the dentist, especially if you’re in the US. Dental care once you’re on Medicare is just not reasonable and I’m watching my retired father making some tough decisions on if he should keep his teeth or not.
The warranty is gone. It's run out. Don't be surprised by ANYTHING that starts to act up, and if you have decent medical support, address them with your doc. Knees grinding? reading small text / focusing on street signs? get your optical script updated. And sometime in the next decade, get mentally ready to get a colonoscopy.
The warranty is gone, now it's time for you to keep an eye on all the systems and plan for the long road ahead and the hard times to come. Good luck.
See a primary doctor and a dentist at least once a year. Drink less booze and coffee, drink more water. Stretch and exercise when ya can. Everyone here pretty much nailed it. But, also, make sure you have a hobby. Something to keep the mind healthy too. I like putting together gunpla models. It’s relaxing and keeps my brain sharp (well, sharp is a strong word, but you get it). Finally, you’re gonna go to a lot more funerals than weddings now, so reach out to people you haven’t talked to in a while just to say what’s up.
This thread should be its own community
EDIT: I did the thing https://sh.itjust.works/c/survivingpast40
Stretch every day, holy shit that makes all the difference for mobility. It takes about 5 minutes when you wake up in the morning.
Other than that, keep an eye on your health - eat well and move because there's a reckoning coming and it may only be a decade away (I've just been through it with friends and it's rough). Getting your body in order now is better than trying to fix it later when it's already going wrong - it's doable but it gets harder the longer you leave it.
Stretch and practice meditation. I started in my 50th year, do it every day, and wish I'd started sooner.
The trick to doing it everyday is to view it as a matter of hygiene instead of exercise. I won't leave the house when starting the day without first brushing my teeth, stretching and meditating, taking a shower. It's like rinsing your mind with fresh water.I did the thing
Build a consistent bodywork routine. Don’t bother with any high-flying goals, just stay active. A 30 minute routine done consistently every day beats hulking out in the gym two times a week by a lot. Fokus on functional mobility and flexibility exercises and throw in some full-body strength work like pull-ups, push-ups and squats.
Whatever bit of fitness you may have - start honing it. Honestly, the massive physical slide didn't start at 40, that came later, but if I'd started working out and really paying attention to my diet at 40 maybe I wouldn't be the round ball of blubber that I am now. I say this as a guy who was fairly active and fit during most of my twenties to early thirties.
Geez. This thread is making me feel like I should be in pain 24/7.
I just turned 47. It was around 41 when I realized my body was changing, less testosterone, less muscle mass. The new routine in 2020 of working from home was a major physical hurdle for me to deal with. All sorts of pains I never had before. Stretching, walking, sleeping, hydrating, eating better all helped with weight gain and stiffness. Pretty much what everyone else is saying here. For me though, it was (slightly) more about the work life transition than the getting older part.
What I would add to the conversation is to appreciate your memories.
As we get older and the people around us start fading away, I've found I'm spending a lot of time gathering photos and videos and collecting things that have special memories associated with them. I've been frustrated recently that we (my friends and family) do the same things year over year or even week after week and all those memories start to blur together as we get older. The exception to this is if there's kids involved because you get to see them grow up so fast.
Make fresh memories. Embrace the ones you've made. Preferably all 'good' ones.
And I really want to promote the idea of printing photos, hanging them on your walls, and getting photobooks made. My uncle (who didn't have a partner or kids) recently passed and he had all these photos hidden on his phone. He also had a bunch of printed pictures from the '70s through the '90s that I'm in the process of scanning. We have this great technology to capture awesome images at any moment but they often get forgotten immediately after they're taken. Print your pics and have photobooks made that can be physically passed around and handed down. Sure, we can share digital stuff easily today but tech changes and people loose touch. As cool as image galleries are on our phones and how the AI curates them for us, there's still something very special about holding a few dozen printed photos to look through. Like, Spotify playlists are great for what they are but holding a few CDs or records in your hands is a great thing too.
53m here.
Get into a work out routine. Particularly one that keeps your core strong. Back issues are just a few years away.
I am sitting here with a disk bulge between L4 and L5 and the bulge hits my sciatic nerve perfectly. My right leg has felt asleep for two years now and I've had to take gabapentin every day to keep the pain away. It's a very minor bulge and non-operable, it just in the exact wrong spot.
Don't let that happen to you.
- See the doctor for an annual physical if you let that slip.
- eat right, including watching your carbs.
- fucking exercise 3x/week.
- make sure your finances are on track for retirement. If you haven’t saved, establish a 401(k) ASAP. If you got kids and you have the means, you need 529 plans.
- prioritize sex while your pecker still works.
- Write a will. Just get it out of the way. Much easier to edit it later in life rather than create one from scratch.
- Get a physical and cancer screening every year ...from now on. You cannot be too careful.
- Exercise in some way, everyday. Even if it's just a walk around the block. You're not trying for washboard abs (unless you want to), you just want to keep your body as active as possible. Every little bit helps.
My super secret tip: for every little ache and pain - get a doc to give you an Rx to a physical therapist. It might turn out to be nothing, might turn into something worse - either way PTs are awesome magic workers. I will elaborate:
- Drs are mostly limited to two things, surgery or an Rx (ok maybe a few other things).
- PTs can't do those, but they can use stretching, massage, electro stimulation, exercise, and all sorts of practical, cheap methods to make you feel better.
- (In the US at least) medical plan PT allocations are designed for the elderly when they break a hip. So there are usually a ton of free (or very subsidized) sessions in your plan. Way more than you'd need in a year, even if you do break something at 40.
- They know the mechanics of the human body in a practical way that no doc has ever learned at school. I call it PT magic. Hey, your shoulder hurts, do this leg hammy stretch, voila and your shoulder feels better.
- I can also share some of my other personal training goals (don't be fat, don't die early) and it's like having a subsidized personal trainer. And one better than any you could get at the gym.
Next year, try turning 39. it'll change the trajectory of your life.
You'll need a nose hair trimmer. Avoid anything electric that's overpriced garbage breaking after three uses, get one of those manual rotary ones. There's also non-stabby small scissors but the rotary ones are much nicer to use.
Also if you aren't fit yet now is high time to get there. Primarily focus on mobility and with that strength in all those small muscles your (statistically presumably) fucked-up movement habits have atrophied. Start here.
Enjoy it. I'm so much more comfortable with myself in my forties than it was in, say, my twenties. I'm much happier being me.
Also - life isn't over. I've been surprised at the prevailing ageism that seems too suggest that there's no point taking up any new hobbies or learning anything because you're just too old now for there to be a point. This is nonsense. You've very likely got as many decades in front of you as behind you - maybe more.
Also: use sunscreen.
This might be the best Lemmy thread I've seen so far.
Don't ask for advice on social media
If you've not really saved for your future do it NOOOOOW like yesterday level now. Like 2 checks from now something must be being sat back. Even if its just a tiny bit. The time to start was many years ago. Don't wait even longer.
A lot of really tough grown up shit is coming. You're going to have to make hard decisions. You kind of have to work it out as best you can.
41 year old here, just keep working on making yourself a better person. Make the world better for the people living in it. Help the people you can especially those who need it the most.
Step up your mattress game.
Know that to everything, there’s nuance. Life exists in the grey area between the black and white of extremism. It’ll help you to not take things so seriously until you know they warrant being taken seriously.
All else is sensationalist bullshit.
Visit !askmenover30@lemm.ee
Nothing at all about you has changed. You'll just notice yourself being slightly less stable as you bend over to pick things up.
There's a lot of great advice in here, so here's something a little more obscure - Get. The. Shingles. Vaccine.
Most insurance won't cover it until you're 50. Pay for it out of pocket.
I had the shingles at 40. It's a close 2nd for the most pain I've ever been in. (For comparison, 1st place goes to the time I took a training sword to the eye. It squished my eye down and smacked into the back of the socket. Nearly lost that eye.)
It's the same virus as chickenpox. A herpes variant like cold sores, once you've caught it, it's with you forever.
You'll get huge, burning blisters all along the pathway of whichever nerve the virus has taken residence on. And some nerves go to quite sensitive places indeed. The pain is akin to a hot iron pressed unceasingly to your skin. For weeks.
For me, it was the right side of my face and neck. I developed Bell's Palsy and couldn't move the right side of my face at all. Though my facial control eventually came back, I've lost some hearing in my right ear.
It's cheap at any price - Get vaccinated.
if you're not careful, turning 50 can mentally fuck you up.
Wear sunscreen. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI
Advice on what?
It is fucking horrible. If you don't get that, you're living in a different century.
invest in health life-process practices, like find YOUR healing yogas, YOUR healing practices, etc:
habits, once formed, take little effort, but form those now.
Frawley's "Ayurvedic Healing" is the ONLY book whose ingredients-lists ( for the 3 fundamental metabolisms/doshas ) tests out, correct all the way through, & Frawley & Kozak's "Yoga For Your TYPE" book should be read by anybody considering any yoga practice, before going to consider an instructor, or buying any DVDs on it.
As for the Western Medicing gaslighting that the existence of charlatains in Ayurveda "proves that Ayurveda, itself, is charlatainism/quackery", well, they don't tolerate that same logic being applied to Western Medicine, do they?
Do the existence of Western Medicine charlatains "prove that Western Medicine, itself, is charlatainism/quackery"??
Of course they don't:
The existence of charlatains doesn't prove that the system they are faking is either fake or valid.
it's 1-sided only, and that ISN'T evidence-based medicine, that is prejudice.
Dad was a medical-researcher & doctor: I grew-up with scientism as his/my religion, & later graduated to seeing its systematic prejudices, & choosing objectivity, rejecting the scientism of medicine.
Authority-based-medicine ISN'T evidence-based-medicine.
Here is an article that got turned into a chapter of a book, on exactly that:
https://www.edge.org/response-detail/25433
Always use the same logic for & against, & see the prejudices for what they are: ideology-addictions/prejudice-addictions, and don't fall for them.
Ha!
So, you get health-advice & objectivity-advice, too!
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