People are ignoring that just the act of playing the game can be fun. On top of that, getting better yourself or pulling off certain maneuvers can be fun, or even appreciating what the opponents are doing. I had a lot of fun playing rocket league with a friend, even if outmatched, and getting scored on an opponent who pulled off an aerial into top corner made me appreciate what they just did.
Maybe also take a page from dwarf fortress players: Losing is fun!
Some people have fun by trolling. Some people have fun by winning. Online games are meant to be played with friends if one doesn't want to encounter toxicity.
I believe that is called having friends. Not clones of yourself. I've made plenty of friends online that we just played a game together and when we were done with the game we never talked to each other again. Played with some friends raiding in wow for years and at the end we were just done. It's the cycle of gaming friends.
And my irl friends don't always play the same games but they are not "friends" they are friends. We have different ideas of what types of games are fun.
Depends on the game. Chess is 0% based on luck, but in i.e: Age of Empires II the randomness of the starting map affects a lot in the outcome of the game. It's not like you beat your opponent fully thanks to your skills. It's more having fun discovering the map each time and be more competitive in the endgame.
The difference to be is when people start whining because you're not playing the "meta", or start yelling at teammates when they make a mistake. Even if you're all about climbing the ranks, there's fun and polite ways to guide people without ruining the experience for everyone.