Can I Put it in my Ass?

this is a quantum leap in the field of dildonics

If I fill my ass with Helium, will my farts sound even funnier?

Owe, my ass

What do you owe your ass (other than an apology)?

You know magnesium can ignite with exposure to moisture yes?

make nickel yellow (some people are allergic) osmium will be probably covered by layer of toxic tetroxide, cadmium and tellurium are also decently toxic

e: i misremembered, but you still don't want to be around tellurium:

Humans exposed to as little as 0.01 mg/m3 or less in air exude a foul garlic-like odor known as "tellurium breath".[23][91] This is caused by the body converting tellurium from any oxidation state to dimethyl telluride, (CH3)2Te, a volatile compound with a pungent garlic-like smell. Volunteers given 15 mg of tellurium still had this characteristic smell on their breath eight months later. In laboratories, this odor makes it possible to discern which scientists are responsible for tellurium chemistry, and even which books they have handled in the past.[92]

selenium is a bit similar in this aspect

I'd love to see the reasoning for each element. Most of them are obvious but I'm curious about some of them.

Are all the gasses dangerous because they'd have to be frozen to a solid? You could use them to pressurize a dildo-shaped envelope, though.

I cannot believe just how much time I spent looking at this .. for .. science.

Suggested update, Silicon is a picture of Obi-Wan saying “That’s why I’m here”

It's not called ARSEnic for nothing

This assumes the dildo must be solid. I think as scientists we need to think outside the box (and ass)

Please make sure they're flared!

Damn imagine putting mercury up there. I don't think your sphincter could hold it

Please always ensure whatever element you use has a stable base larger than the insertion point

Missing a few more "hello there"s, unless this is what floats your boat:

(Human for scale)

This should definitely be its own website. High-res when? 😋

If it glows, it goes. (Up my ass)

So... you're saying it's okay to put uranium in my ass but not oxygen ??

Uranium is fine, but oxygen is going too far, got it

Those lanthanides... are we not terming a lethal radiation dose as rectal damage?? Or are you assuming an ideal isotope?

The answer to all is "yes, but watch out."

Silicon is not silicone, so that spot is not correct...

Unless you're talking about using one of these fuckers:

https://www.powerwaywafer.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/silicon-crystal.jpg

Galium should be fine as long as it's below body temperature.

Arsenic is maybe not?

You can put oxygen up your ass though

The most consequential update to the Periodic Table since its creation.

Is this actually any different from the licking chart? 🤔

I don't know. Isn't Tungsten kinda brittle?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU

Permanently Deleted

Where can I see each of the dildos?

Ya'll sleeping on bismuth dildos smdh

What temperature and pressure for the gasses? Is it technically a dildo if it's not a solid? They'd all be dangerous if they were frozen.

If we're considering nitrogen to be dangerous because it can diffuse into the blood (TIL of isobaric counterdiffusion which can cause the bends even without a change in pressure), I'd consider hydrogen dangerous because of the potential fire hazard.