Fatherly hazing

My favorite is sending an apprentice to the tool crib for a long weight.

Tool crib guy will say "Yeah it's out back, I'll go grab it", and then go for a smoke

In Germany we ask apprentices to fetch a spare bubble for the spirit level.

When I worked in a hardware shop in the 90s an apprentice mechanic came in and asked for halogen for headlight bulbs

I went into the storeroom and brought him one of those giant packing bubbles

He was chuffed as fuck

My senior manager at work once tried to start a vacuum cleaner, apparently he had never used one before. Anyway the cleaners told him the power cable was in fact a rip cord like on a generator.

God I've been seeing way too much Gen Z slang that I almost forgot "sussed out" is a real phrase that means actual things.

My friend’s dad thought he could send me to ask my dad for a square drill bit when I was like 10 but my dad had me helping him build an airplane in the garage as young as possible. So I told him

All these comments analyzing the trauma behind a joke, no one mentioning the anger issues of kicking in the front door

there's something in computer networking called Cisco discovery protocol and I used to teach new interns about it by making them find every Cisco access point we had in the building.

On work experience the guy sent me to get a long weight and I was like to myself 'fine ill go look for something that doesn't exist and have my lunch too. If you want a long wait..' I go back and he gets off his ladder exasperated, goes to the van and gets a long string plumb line.

My high school chemistry teacher told me that when he was in university, they'd send the frosh chem majors down to the depot to get a "bucket of mercury". The depot guys would be in on it and fill up a bucket and laugh at them while they struggle to move it. Even a small bucket would weigh something like 200 lbs.

Embarrassing someone for not knowing something is stupid.

On a drive when I was ten, I asked my dad why the tall, skeletal towers had blinking lights. He said so planes wouldn’t crash into them. So I asked what the towers were for, and he said to hold up the lights.

That fucked with me for like ten more years.

We did trash bags for exhaust testing in the army. Have the privates fill the bags up from the exhaust on a cold start, tie them up, then bring them to the motor pool sergeant. You have to label and sign the bags though.

The Scoutmaster of my troop got a kick out of sending new kids to the camp nurse to ask for "some fallopian tubes so we can start a fire".

I live in Quebec and we're pretty bilingual around here so I've heard these hazing jokes in both languages. My favorite in French is sending an apprentice for "une clé taurus".

In the British army, getting sent to the quartermasters stores for a long weight (wait).

When I was a starting line cook, they told me to recirculate the air in the freezer. I said "what?" They said "recirculate the air in the freezer." while handing me one of those giant black trash bags. I opened the door to the freezer, opened up the bag fully, and then went "wait a minute..." they had a laugh, and I started eyeing all of their requests through the lens of "is this bullshit?"

Later on, at more professional jobs, they have the same sort of requests. Not ones that are hazing jokes, but just actual bullshit assignments that mean very little, are looked at by nobody, and that accomplishes nothing. Except now those assignments are like 90% of the job. Hooray office work among middle management!

While camping, I was sent to the ranger station to ask for a “left handed smoke shifter”. Fortunately for me, the ranger had no poker face and just laughed. I felt like a dumbass, but it was a long walk back to the campsite, so by the time I got there I was able to laugh with everyone else.

The only thing of this ilk that I've participated in is sending interns to the supply room for a box of checkmarks.

Joke was on them. There was no supply room.

"Bring the 13-14 key" is a basic mechanic's joke.

Note: in mm.

Was a guide in a youth movement, had one child that was way too disruptive when I tried to make camp for the group.

Sent him to the supply room to bring a straight rope. 30 minutes latter he comes, dragging along a straight rope, taking every turn very slowly, taking a fuckton of leaves with it. Camp was built.

When I was in charge of the supply room I saw many funny requests, and some that thought the very real device they were asked to bring was a prank. My favourite pranks are electricity powered and trees straightner.

I miss those parts of being a teenager.

New hires are usually sent to get the "board stretcher". The wild goose chase will take them everywhere in the shop and sometimes as far as the owners, who politely send them back around to some section they'd already been.

Petahh!!

Seriously, I don't get the joke.

When I painted, it was a thing to send new guys out to the van for a can of roller stipple. Good times.

I used to work in a hardware store. One day a guy came in looking for a skyhook.

After we called his boss to confirm the situation (this was well before cell phones), we all had a good laugh. I think the boss was shocked he fell for it.

Go find the breastplate stretcher! NOW!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6O8YF4j55dw

Shopkeeper should glue a fake label to a can and actually sell it to the kid. Get both the kid and the dad lol

Always fun to send the apprentice to the tool crib for a spool of flight line and a gallon of prop wash.

At school in Scotland, one art teacher would send the kids to see the other art teacher to ask if they had any tartan paint left. Alternatively, he would send them to go and ask for a long stand.

I was crossing the street with my mom once and the crosswalk beeped indicating it was safe to cross. She asked, "Why does it beep like that?" I said, "It's for the deaf people." We crossed and then she started laughing. She said, "You asshole.".

Don't forget your headlight fluid!