That's an incredibly accurate way of describing what looking at dating today feels like.
Oh God yes.
Look me and my wife met on a dating site. No shame in this. We both had pretty detailed profiles with lots of photos and luckily for us we were living fairly close by in the same stages in life. Our first date we both kinda knew what we were about. At the same time neither of us had real social media accounts so yeah no weird stalking games.
Now, me and her dated for three years until we moved in together. That was enough time. Time to see each other as people, warts and all. We have our share of embarrassing memories. I remember the time she got wasted and threw up BBQ squid and wine on me on the train. She remembers the time my card got declined at dinner. We had seen each other frustrated, failing at something, ill, broke, in the morning, drunk, out of work, and all the other downs real humans have. Both of us decided we were okay with that and well we are still together today.
Now I see the black mirror like horrorshow that is tinder from my younger friends and hear them say things how they consider it sus if you aren't on Instagram. I see them acting like a date is a job interview. Gameification and weird cryptic terms like "high value". Long lists of must haves and must nots.
Mother of fuck how and why would anyone want this? I felt like we had it pretty well figured out when in my early 20s. You could meet someone the traditional way or you could use a dating site and find someone who has the same fun hobbies as you. Oh they aren't exactly who you normally date? Ok. See what happens.
This, definitely.
We got to live our teens and twenties without smartphones and social media - and it was so awesome.
You did something incredibly embarassing last weekend when you were drunk? No need to worry about photos or videos online and nobody would remember or care a few weeks later.
You date someone a few times and things don't match up? You move on, no need to worry about them stalking or badmouthing you online.
The world seemed to be on a course for the better and the dumbass populist movements were marginal in most countries. Future looked bright and it was easy to be carefree. We got to enjoy our youths.
There were no short or vertical videos. You had to read vast majority of the information available, which made you actually process the info. And someone had put in the effort to write the stuff coherently, because no-one would read the kind of crap that video bloggers are spewing out of their mouths.
By the time we started working, the economic situation was mostly stable and getting a loan for a house or an apartment was pretty much guaranteed.
And so much more. I count myself extremely lucky to have been born in the late 70's.
I met my wife in 2011, just before Tinder got big in our area. I remember our single friends being ecstatic when Tinder was first around, saying about how easy it was to meet people.
Many of them are still single and now well into their 30's. They talk a lot about wanting to find someone special, but they just swipe and swipe and swipe all day to no avail. Shit's bleak out there. And I just know that if I didn't meet my wife I'd probably be stuck in the same rut.
I’m on “the apps” as a nearly 40 year old. It is a nightmare for sure. With so many options little things or “not vibing” on the very first in-person interaction ends any chance at forming a relationship.
While this negative thinking about dating can def lead down or around the incel community, there are def many negative aspects of online dating becoming the norm that are def not ideal.
Dating apps are terrible because they don't want you to actually find a good partner. If you find a good partner, you have no need for the dating app anymore. So they'll match you with people that'll peak your interest, but ultimately won't work out.
Obviously there's more to it than just that, but this is a big part of the problem.
My wife and I have been together for a decade. Before she and I met, I dated pretty heavily on the online options at the time. All of my worst dates ever were found online. I decided online dating was depressing and stupid, just stopped trying to date anyone, and started just meeting people in person. It was wildly more successful. I had fewer dates but they were way higher quality. No one showing up on shrooms, ghosting me, or acting scandalized because I'm a little guy despite it being outlined multiple times in my online profile.
Aside: The latter is my personal favorite. I'm a hair over 5'6 and proportionally built. I'm not just short, I'm small. One woman I met immediately accused me of being deceptive about my height, even though I was actually taller than claimed at around 5'7 with dress shoes on. She was also 5'6 but was standing a bit taller than me. She had forgotten she was wearing heels. That date ended quickly. Bullet dodged.
I'm getting close to 40 and feel like I got left behind. It's rare that I even meet someone I would want to date let alone them want to date me as well. I don't have any interest in dating apps because they require too much information and putting pictures online so unless I happen to meet someone in real life I've just gotten comfortable being single.
I met my SO in... I think it was 2017? Well after the rise of Tinder. We did not meet on Tinder, and neither of us have ever had an account on there.
We met through a social group for a game (not dissimilar to pokemon go), where we happened to play for the same team in the same area. We would have team meet ups occasionally and all go for coffee and to play the game at locations where there was a lot of things to do in the game.
I have not, and likely will never, use something like Tinder. Not only is it unlikely that my current relationship would fail, but even if I found myself single for some reason, I just couldn't care less. I've been through it all already. A LOT of shit relationships to the point where I'm kind of over it. If I didn't have my current relationship, I'm not sure I'd care to get into another one. To put it simply, my partner and I are so well matched that we've never felt the need to even raise our voice at eachother. I have an amazing relationship, we're both happy and comfortable. The only thing left to do is put a ring on it and wait for our inevitable demise. I wouldn't try to find any cheap substitute for them. Nobody has a chance of measuring up. I don't think that would be fair to anyone involved.
I have no illusions. I was profoundly lucky. So I don't expect anyone to "get" it.
I am with them, and they are with me, now, until the end of our days. Separate, and together.
fortunate son intensifies
I do thank the stars I didn’t have to try the dating app scene. It seems soul crushing from the outside
I've seen too many horror stories about dating today
Feel kinda bad for the younger generations. At this point they can't even go to other countries to find a significant other because they'll just plague those other countries too with their degenerate social culture.
I felt like I had already missed that chopper until I met my current gf earlier that year
I guess in this analogy I'd be a conscientious objector
Absolutely lol
I just asked this to my wife and she said "I mean yes, the answer is yes"
Uhhh, no?
I miss the hunt of the "old days" but i'm glad i'm not mixed in with little miss "can't put her phone down to have a decent conversation".
The shit i pulled in my teens to land some girls would get me in trouble with security nowadays, the girls i met would come back for more.
I definitely won when it came to finding a significant other compared to the younger folk. But they mess it up themselves and blame the other for being just as incapable, one of you need to open their eyes and make a change or else you're all doomed.
No. Marriage is a failure. Glad to see people turning their backs on that bullshit.
