I hurt people all the time. How do I deal with this?

I don't know about your medical or financial situation, but maybe look into talking to a therapist to vent. They are paid to listen and give advice that could help. Venting is better than bottling up.

Even if you're the weakest link, a good manager and good team would make sure to assign you tasks that match your level such that it all works out in the end. I'm a software engineer and I'm watching over a junior and a senior. One of them gets bigger tasks, one of them get smaller tasks. It's similar work, but in the end I want both to have cleared the same amount of tickets and feel good about it. When I plan the next tasks, I think of "what can I give to the junior, what can I hand out to the senior".

If you guys are always behind schedule, then some manager isn't managing properly. It either means you need more team members, or your manager should discuss with you ways to improve your performance. But you'll rarely find a team where every employee is top notch. Some people just work slower than others. It's the manager's job to deal with that.

As for the venting, I think it's important to be mindful of other people to be on the receiving end. If you need to do that much venting you might want to consider a therapist, who might be able to help you deal those thoughts and how to manage them.

I think about the venting: one thing you can do when you know you've gone too far with it is just to thank them for listening and tell them it makes you feel better to be able to say it all out loud. Just turn the conversation away from your problems and leave them with a good feeling at the end.

Please forgive me because after a really shitty day at work I'm going to be direct and say "it's not you." I don't know you or your work situation, but I have worked with so many people that felt this way. I feel this way sometimes too. I think a lot of people on Lemmy will say they feel this way at times. Hell I bet your coworkers feel this sometimes too.

Work sucks. It sucks more than ever too. Most companies are running on skeleton crews. Someone leaves, takes a sick day, or takes PTO, and the whole thing falls apart. You're still expected to somehow optimize through all of this instead of the company hiring additional people.

Fuck that. You're awesome because you show up and do your job through all the bullshit. I have worked with people that don't always put up the best "metrics", or whatever bullshit measurement your middle manager uses to make themselves look good, but those folks brought other soft skills to the team that made the day better.

You're human. Vent. Rant. Be upset. Feel your feelings. We all know the current situation sucks and no one can blame you for needing to get it off your chest. More people need to speak up and point out how shitty it is because it's just getting worse.

Anyway, if you want someone to vent with then DM me and we can complain together, maybe start a riot or something.

The second part is worse than the first. If people like you, and you are pleasant to be around, and they can tell you are doing your best... Then they will be much more forgiving in regards to your work output.

Sounds a little like imposter syndrome. I bet there are other people on your team who think that THEY are the weakest link. People hide their difficulties and frustrations, so all you see is the finished product without any of the challenges or mistakes that they may have had.

Complaining is a tricky one, nobody likes the Debbie Downer, who never has ANYTHING good to say, but the Little Miss Sunshine who tries to convince you there's a Silver lining to your dog getting hit by a car, can be just as bad. I try to balance it and reflect the mood of who I'm talking to.

Totally agree with others about therapy. When I went, I used it as a sort of emotional dumping ground. My therapist helped me through some pieces but honestly listened a lot. I know the payment part of therapy is viewed negatively... I viewed it as a huge positive. I'm paying this person and so it doesn't have to be an equal conversation. If I need to vent for 45 minutes straight, I can do that, and they are compensated for that time.

In reality, I was doing the same thing to friends and family, but I'd only get 30% out at any given time, and so I just spread it around. Getting therapy helped me lessen the amount I needed to vent (some techniques help you work through things) and also have me a central location. It made me a far better husband and friend.

1.) Someone is always the weakest link, it is what it is and it's not necessarily a bad thing (just because you're possibly not as experienced as your coworkers, doesn't mean you're doing a bad job)

2.) It sounds to me like you have a good work ethic (working over to help your team etc, and being concerned about it to begin with)

3.) It also sounds like your company may actually just be understaffed or over working your team. As other people have said a ton of companies like to tun skeleton crews. I've been victim to this phenomenon in the past and boy did it suck.

4.) Complaining is definitely something you can work on. Everybody complains sometimes, and people who pretend like they don't are liars. Keep it minimal, and don't let it be such a pattern that everyone just hears it and goes "oh that's so-and-so bitching again". Relax, things happen all the time. You can still talk about negative things, you just don't also have to always be negative about it.

Maybe your view of yourself is accurate, but if coworkers aren't saying anything and it's not showing on your evals, then maybe it's just all in your head?

No one knows any context, but just ask your supervisor if you can get some honest feedback on any areas you need to improve.

Imposter syndrome is a real thing, and so is just feeling inadequate for no reason. Sometimes people rate themselves too highly, sometimes the opposite.

I feel like i could have written this. I'm the slackerist in my department and the loudest complainer. Maybe a lot of people feel that way? I'm working on thinking more positively at work and letting go of things they i can't change. If i can be more positive my work ethic and thus my productivity will likely improve.

I think you would benefit from some talk therapy, almost everything you said is a problem of your own framing of the issues.

I don't know what you do or why you say you are objectively the weakest link, but there's not necessarily anything wrong with that. There's definitely something wrong with describing it as being hurtful to your other team members. When I click this thread I thought it was going to be about someone who couldn't stop being violent towards others. Maybe you are making some other people slightly uncomfortable at times, but work is uncomfortable. That's why they have to pay you for it. That's why you don't just do it for free. Your co-workers are being paid. Part of what any team member it gets compensated for is picking up the extra robe as needed to contribute to the overall success of the team. It sounds like you're doing that too, as you described picking up extra work from time to time during your own time.

I would also suggest that the things you say are making you feel bad about this are not actually the things that you are feeling bad about. Like, you're not really feeling bad about not getting as much work done, you're feeling bad about how you think your team feels about you not doing as much work.

The most likely scenario is that your teammates like you, they are glad you are part of the team, and more or less. Less they are fine with picking up a little extra slack because it is the overall team performance that matters, not one individual.

I think you can work on improving everything you mentioned, not just the bit about complaining too often. Like even just the idea that you have only one skill and cannot do something else. I bet that is completely bullshit. You should keep a list like in your phone or something and every time you think of something else that you could do to earn any money at all, write it down on your list. In a year or two you will have 20 other things And anytime you're feeling shitty about what you're doing, you can pull out that list and remind yourself that there's 20 other things you can do to feed yourself.

I think one concept that may resonate with you is the idea of a limited mind versus an unlimited mind.

The limited mind treats the result of hard work as spending something down, something you need to rest and regain after. It focuses on the discomfort of the work, not the comforts of the reward. So like if you catch your mind negatively dwelling on issues at work, flip it around and instead force your brain to think about why you are working? For example, instead of thinking, oh crap, I have to work late this night and I'd rather go home and spend some time on my hobby, try reframing it like, if I spend a little bit more time working tonight, I will clear some things off my desk that have been worrying me and tomorrow when I pursue my hobby I will be able to really enjoy it without having to worry about these work tasks. This kind of reframing is hard and effortful at first, but it gets easier and becomes second nature. Eventually your mind does this automatically.

My mom was a complainer with a limited mind, and I grew up thinking that the reward for hard work was a period of rest. Is much more helpful to think of the reward for hard work as both comfort in other things, and momentum, that hard work makes additional hard work easier. And I'm talking about like relatively short blocks of highly productive, focused time, talking like maybe an hour to start, And knowing that the maximum amount of time anyone can really sustain high intensity focused work is about five hours.

Finally, you should not complain to others. Think of this in terms of emotions. Someone who is complaining, is trying to get other people to mirror their own emotion about something. The next time you feel like complaining about something, try going and just looking in an actual mirror for like 30 seconds and taking some deep breaths. This will help you your mind remind itself that your emotions are your own. Bonus points for standing up tall. Raising your arms up in the air and bearing your teeth like an angry monkey. This will help remind your brain that you are not a scared puppy dog, but actually a large, apex predator, capable of exerting enormous ferocity.

No, you are not supposed to hold emotion in and bottle them up. You are supposed to release emotions in helpful ways. And this also takes effort. My go-to's are exercise, laughing, crying, And screaming as loud as I possibly can, into a pillow if there are people around, or in my home if I am alone. Like if something happens and you get the feeling like you just want to cry, you should go cry. Cry as hard as you can. Let as much of it out as possible so you don't have to carry as much around with you.

Another tip in this vein is to compartmentalize your time and emotions. If something bad happens, tell yourself, I'm going to take a couple of hours and feel shitty and angry about this, and then I'm going to do x y and z to repair the situation. And after those couple of hours, you have to tell yourself that it's no longer time to feel shitty and angry about it, it's time to let it go and move forward. And don't be afraid to give commands to your brain, tell your brain what you want it to do. It will listen. Good luck friend.