A one-off, or on occasion is fine; but having to constantly reassure someone that they aren't the cause of every single frustration you encounter gets extremely exhausting.
My mother. She made some bandanas for our dog, and gave them to us a week or so ago. We thought they were cool. Later, she said, "Sorry you didn't like the bandanas." I was like, "News to me, I thought they were great." "Well, they weren't what <my wife> was expecting."
I didn't even bother mentioning it to my wife until yesterday, who, of course, was fine with the bandanas, as I knew she would be. During that conversation, my wife and I talked about how we need to constantly walk on eggshells around her, because who knows what she'll be upset about next. It's exhausting.
I don't know where my mother gets this stuff. The sad part is that this is actually one of the more sane incidents.
You say that, but there’s a flip side to this. I’ve been in an abusive relationship where my SO was always a hair trigger away from a full on apeshit moment.
You find yourself (regardless of your confidence) wondering if you’ve annoyed them and after a while, you flinch at any shift in tone of voice.
It can be a sign of abuse, but not just in the way you mention.