I feel like a fucking failure
I feel like a fucking failure
…because of the thing with the money. And then losing my wallet, and then one of my plushie friends. It’s only going to get worse. I really hope I die before it does.
And in a bit over a week from now it’ll be the 1 year anniversary of the last time I saw my friend, the one who won’t talk to me anymore. One down, the rest of my lifetime to go. I know I’ll never see them again and while I think I’m over the cringey weird shit, I still think about them pretty much every day and it hurts so fucking much.
You know I’ll never get a car or a minivan or whatever. Definitely not before this winter—it gets harder to cope with every fucking year.
Fuck.
I’m speaking for all of those who donated to you because this is 100% true (and if they disagree then they’re just doodooheads), we don’t care about any money we’ve give you. We care about you. You are a priority, much like anyone who finds themselves under the heel of our unjust society. Sure, we care about your whales too, insofar as they matter to you. You matter infinitely more than any dollar wasted, drug taken, or property lost. We’re comrades.
I wish I could take away the pain you are experiencing.
In the last thread some people suggested reaching out to state-funded groups, like rehabs and/or group homes. Have you considered this further?
If you don’t know where to start looking for this information, please reach out to someone in-person or DM someone you trust on Hexbear or Lemmygrad or whatever.
Edit: I swore a bunch because I got passionate.
You are already on your way to a better life just by virtue of you having written all your existing problems out. Now flesh them out more deeply:
- What do you need to get that went missing along with your wallet?
- What do you want to say to your friend right now?
- What is the least amount of money you will need for a car or minivan you want?
- The wallet is actually not a huge deal, just kind of annoying. I’m far more sad about Blueberry. I’m going to try to lie to myself and believe he’s OK. I only need to replace my CashApp, Venmo, and BottleDrop cards, which I already have to do basically every couple of months. I have the first two on Apple Pay so nbd.
- I don’t know. I don’t even know if they’d read my message.
- For something that isn’t a shit box, $1,500-2K at least, unless I can find someone kind enough to give me a deal—friend of mine got his pretty good condition Honda Odyssey for $700, which was all funded through a GoFundMe.
- Great, so the first issue is already in the process of being fixed, and you can maybe subtract it from the cloud hanging over you!
- You cannot control what your friend does, but you can begin putting into words what message you'd send them. Even if they never see your message, your healing demands that you write it out, even as a personal note.
- I think that is very achievable, if you pinpoint few cars first and save them in an online bookmarks folders, then divide the rough cost over the number of days you would like to obtain the car by. Perhaps you can do a combo of GoFundMe and odd work here and there (including filling out surveys, etc.). I will help share your GoFundMe if you make it.
We can still try and raise money for a minivan! You're not a failure!
That’s because you think you need to be something. Most people need to realize they don’t need to be anything just exist.
$4000 is not that much money to be honest. The more poor you are, the harder it is to make money last. It's enough for a shit car, but not enough to insure it, pay for gas, pay for upkeep, etc, for even 2 years. This is a cool place and we still like you comrade. It's hard out there.
"Ok, die or pay us $15,000"