When the Entrepreneur picks up a distress signal from Clancy Brown’s ship, they stop to help with repairs and he invites them to postpone their vacation again. But when Captain Archer’s reputation leads Trip to think they may have been honey-potted, the implications of taking sides in other peoples’ wars is something they finally start to consider. Why are new construction hives so much less desirable? What’s the problem with a tactical napkin deployment? Is there an advantage to wearing velvet robes in the desert? It’s the episode that’s just trying to avoid a My Girl situation.

When a special guest gets to pick this week’s movie, it’s a perfect 80s time capsule with a sad situation on the penumbra of an adventure. But after the Goonies spend a week at the waterpark with Steven Spielberg, a completely different protagonist actually saves the day. What did the 80s contribute to the Commedia dell'arte? Do all Amblin films take place in the same universe? Why doesn’t Astoria have a social safety net? It’s the episode that imagines both its prequel and its sequel.

When the Entrepreneur gets an Uber mission that delays their trip to Risa, the Vulcan Ambassador who comes aboard is a pretty cool old lady. But when her rap sheet puts the ship at risk, Archer finally gets need-to-know status just in time to learn a not very salacious secret. What should Reed do with the ship’s torpedos? Where are new Greatest Gen conspiracy theories popping up? Is there a beauty standard for Vulcan eyebrows? It’s the episode that starts a campfire in engineering.

When the whole 2001 aftermath has Roy Scheider assuaging his guilt with a wrench, an unexpected offer to join a Russian mission to the Discovery is too tempting for him to pass up. But when he finally gets to space and war breaks out on earth, the two crews have to work together in pursuit of an unambiguously happy ending. Where does Helen Mirren fall on the scale of Russian accents? What’s the creepiest thing you could hear on a huge mostly empty spaceship? Which department has very specific messaging on their inspirational poster? It’s the episode that appreciates a bit of cold-war bullshit.

When some free-floating space ropes find their way into the Entrepreneur’s cargo bay, several crew members get caught up in a sticky situation. But when Reed can’t blast the alien into releasing its hostages, Hoshi and T’Pol start communicating just in time to return the ropes home. How is the popcorn technology of the future superior? Which department got wagged by the production dog? What’s the written form of Cumese? It’s the episode that was made for us.

When a grieving therapist gets a call from an astronaut, he cancels all of his appointments to go triage the psychological situation. But when he arrives at Solaris and learns firsthand about the visitors, he can’t get on board with killing his dead wife twice. Who wants you to get faded to Bolivian liquor? Which type of sci-fi movie is this? What’s the worst part about a spouse coming back to life? It’s the episode with a case of the Film Festival bends.

When Archer and Mayweather wake up in an internment camp, their preconceptions about the Suliban diaspora get shattered by the prisoners they meet. But when Colonel Grat comes down hard on the Captain’s sense of justice, the ambiguity of their escape plan goes completely unexplored. What does Kevin Uxbridge wear on a blind date? Which character could have helped this story? When is solitary confinement actually a reward? It’s the episode that’s pretty sure it’s better to be free to be fucked than to be not free to not be fucked.

When an emergency medical spaceship receives a distress call, James Spader’s boring deep-space work release job turns into a sexy color-timed adventure. But when the crew’s Captain dies in a freak nude-tube accident, taking over command means defeating the universe’s most basic villain. Who was the luckiest cast member? Why will Ben be a big hit at the senior home? What is this horror movie trying to ruin? It’s the episode that’s notable as an artifact of its time.

When nobody invited Ben and Adam to program a film festival, they decide to go rouge and put one together themselves. But after Ridley Scott’s sci-fi classic almost gave them both a seizure, they’re more prepared to see the franchise’s latest release at the theater. What isn’t practical to bring aboard the Nostromo? Who can sit with both jocks and nerds in the lunchroom? How does Robert Altman’s Alien differ? It’s the episode that gets value for its mucus!

When Tom Bergeron comes aboard for a segment of Hot Ones In Space, he tells the crew about a crashed vessel that has the raw materials they need. But when the away team shuttles down and T’Pol discovers a grow-op behind a panel wall, the marooned survivors they meet have a secret in need of a punch-up. What’s the Mike of the Alpha Quadrant? How should Kes hair be interpreted? Which allium knows things about you? It’s the episode with an impromptu taste test.

When the guys need to select a second movie for their film festival Adam forgets the one rule he set for himself, no blockbusters, and chooses a T-Rex sized smash hit. But when the special effects start jangling its keys, Ben and Adam are so distracted by shiny jeeps and dinosaurs that they forget all their movie mandates. Is the flutter real? Who said it best, Muldoon or Lecter? Did Jeff Goldblum get to take the excess chest oil home? It’s the episode that has golf time written into its contract.

When an artifact of unknown origin knocks out the entire crew, one underwear-clad Commander Tucker remains conscious in the decon chamber. But when the criminals come aboard with their heist carts and Santa sacks, Captain Archer plays their hierarchy to his advantage while Trip tries to yes and. Where could paper-based old person games help tell this story? What’s the turkey of Enterprise? Who has the thirstiest website? It’s the episode with a very disorganized pile of women.

When nobody invited Ben and Adam to program a film festival, they decide to go rouge and put one together themselves. But after Ridley Scott’s sci-fi classic almost gave them both a seizure, they’re more prepared to see the franchise’s latest release at the theater. What isn’t practical to bring aboard the Nostromo? Who can sit with both jocks and nerds in the lunchroom? How does Robert Altman’s Alien differ? It’s the episode that gets value for its mucus!

When the Entrepreneur happens upon a rogue planet, they bring their night-vision monocles down to the surface and find their dad’s friend’s campsite. But when Captain Archer meets a super hot wraith who needs saving in the jungle, leveling the hunting field becomes his top priority. What technology should be available to us in 2024? How do you get Drayjin meat to fall off the bone? Which type of ball kick is the most satisfying? It’s the episode that definitely lives up to its title.

When Commander Adama gets pissed at the President, their game of civilization chicken spurs a mutiny in the fleet. But while Starbuck’s side quest reveals exactly who is pregnant, the rest of season one’s interesting questions remain mostly unanswered. What type of fuel do Raptors use? When should you throw away a toaster? Who had the weirdest day? It’s the episode that‘s a little too incurious.

When the Entrepreneur gets a hail from some unusual Vulcans, Captain Archer invites them aboard for some chicken marsala. But when T’Pol gets curious about their walk-and-chew-gum-at-the-same-time philosophy, a very hard sell from Tolaris lands her in sicksbay. Who wants to shoot ropes in Ben’s childhood bedroom? Is there a diet Riker among the crew? What does a trackball say about a work station? It’s the episode where Robert Pine didn’t stick around for a moral reckoning.

When Boomer stumbles on an inhabitable planet, President Roslin’s hyper-religious pivot starts raising eyebrows on the Audrey 2. But while Dr. Baltar encourages Boomer to take herself out, Starbuck hatches a plan to blow up the damn basestar. Who was giving long shrift at STLV?  How good could a Mission Log party be? Where are all the song sequels? It’s the episode that identifies the second dumbest genius ever.

When Tucker and Reed return from an away mission to find wreckage from the NX-01, their busted shuttlepod systems leave them stranded with just a few days of air. But when facing their mortality in different ways leads to very un-immaculate vibes, getting drunk and blowing up their engine are two of the three things they can agree on. What do power strips next to the bed indicate? Where’s the bathroom on the shuttlepod? Which of these two drunks is also a Shimoda? It’s the episode with a pink lipstick problem.

When the Quorum of Twelve doesn’t stick to President Roslin’s meeting agenda, she pulls Dr. Baltar close in order to keep Tom Zarek away. But when a mystery man gets interrogated after bringing a ceramic gun to Rex Manning Day, his death in custody raises questions about about the Tigh’s luxury getaway. Who is not represented at podshop.biz? What does Star Trek Prodigy deserve? Which part of anarchy is kind of neat? It’s the episode that has reached the halfway point!

When T’Pol takes the fall for the Andorians attacking P’Jem, Captain Archer’s final attempt at a hang gets them both kidnapped by rebels. But when the crew’s rescue mission gets Tucker and Reed jumped too, Shran’s sense of indebtedness pays out double for the Entrepreneur. What heightens the urgency of being tied up with a colleague? Which food prep is best left to the professionals? How do you save money on a casket? It’s the episode that rockets Worf to the middle.