Skip Navigation

InitialsDiceBearhttps://github.com/dicebear/dicebearhttps://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/„Initials” (https://github.com/dicebear/dicebear) by „DiceBear”, licensed under „CC0 1.0” (https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/)CS
conditional_soup @ conditional_soup @lemm.ee
Posts
83
Comments
2,928
Joined
2 yr. ago

  • I'm surprised they adapted to the internet earlier, I was around for the internet of the early oughts and much of my experience was that of being disabused of the ideas of my conservative/nationalist upbringing.

  • The more I've lived to see the way things go, the more I've come around to the idea that maybe the commies were on to something. Maybe struggle sessions were the least some people deserve.

  • That sounds pretty normal to me. Though, in total fairness, I'm ADHD myself, so I feel a lot of what you've been saying here. Especially being hyper aware of the social meta. I've also learned a lot of advanced masking over the years. Yeah, definitely, if you're at a social event and someone catches your interest, just start with going and meeting them. Introduce yourself, and a small heartfelt compliment doesn't hurt, "hey, that was a good question, I wish I'd thought of that", for example. Also, asking low-risk questions about other people is a good way to endear them to you, "is this your first time going to this class/club? Oh? What got you interested in it?" Etc. These are all pretty good ways to start getting a conversation going so you can get a feel for that person. If it turns out you like that person, you can always offer to trade contact info so you can keep talking, or ask if you could meet somewhere (specific like "the library" or "that coffee shop") public at a specific time to chat; people tend to be more receptive if you have something specific you want to chat about, even if it's "getting to know you". It's also usually better to put that off until after a second encounter in public, I think. Last, If they ask if it's a date, be up front, only say "no" or "it doesn't have to be" if you really mean it. Ofc, YMMV. Best of luck!

  • The main difference is that they're there specifically for the social experience. These folks are not going there to date you, no, but they are going there to socialize, so the barriers to socializing with strangers are greatly lowered. Maybe don't just go there with dating front and center in your mind; instead focus on just meeting and getting to know people.

  • So, this is one of the unfortunate traps of our time, especially if you live in a place with car dependent sprawl. Women don't want to be solicited while at work or on personal business (groceries, gym, etc), and, really, nobody does. You want to work at work, and you want to do your business and go home otherwise. This goes doubly or triply so for complete strangers. There's really no third places (as they're called) left, where people go for the express purpose of being social and together. That's what's missing here. As someone else said, you are, unfortunately, both a little right.

    It's particularly bad in places like the US that have car dependent sprawl because

    • cities often have had their zoning ordinances weaponized by NIMBYs, and it's probably outright illegal to have a small cafe or shop in your neighborhood, or they're required to have some outrageous parking minimum or something like that.
    • driving sucks more than you may be aware of while you're doing it. If you have to get into your car to go to the grocery, you don't want to make five stops at smaller grocers throughout the week; you'd rather just make one big stop at the big box mart and just go tf home. If you want to stop at a cafe, well, just swing through the starbucks drive through so you don't have to be bothered with getting out.

    Well, chances are that most of your interactions at chain businesses and stores are anonymous, so you're not meeting other people in your community there, you're not creating any bonds or relationships there, you're doing your business and getting out, which, frankly, is what they want. You're especially not making any friends in the drive thru line. For nearly seventy years now, we've built our cities to be homes to cars, not people, and it's bearing fruit in the form of the loneliness epidemic.

    My advice to you would be to go out of your way to find situations where people are getting together for the purpose of being social or having fun. Look for classes put on by your local city parks, go check your local library's bulletin board for events, check social media communities for your nearby city or town for groups that meet regularly. If you're religious, seek out some religious institutions that you find palatable.

  • "We care about efficiency and the budget"

    "Cool, so we could move way more people at a fraction of the cost if we built this passenger rai-"

    "Woah there buddy, you didn't actually believe that stuff I said about the budget and efficiency, did you?"

  • Oh, I knew the feds had cancelled grant money to it, I didn't know the state killed it. I know they're all in the pocket of big oil, but it's just wild to me how trains are apparently woke.

  • Well, you've got to start somewhere. CAHSR has been the impetus for a lot of sprawled out central valley cities to get their shit together. Fresno is probably the prime example of this. We're trying to drag Merced into getting its shit together, though kicking and screaming it may be.

  • If it was a new interstate or an extra lane on the Katy freeway, nobody would be saying shit. My favorite example is how there's in interstate project in the northeast that's pretty much as overbudget as CAHSR and basically nobody is talking shit about it.

  • I don't really care that they're running .ml. It's fine if it bothers you enough to not donate to them, that's your business. My SO is never going to agree to let me donate to Lemmy, so I'm going to see if I can eek out some time to learn the codebase and contribute that way.

  • Imo, it's people just rationalizing not wanting to give $5 away. I mean, there's nothing wrong with deciding you don't want to donate, that's your choice, but be honest with yourself. If they weren't commies, people would be finding some other excuse to not donate.

  • CA Native Plants @lemm.ee

    Thinking about planting Milkweed?

    CA Native Plants @lemm.ee

    If you're thinking about planting, now's the time.

    CA Native Plants @lemm.ee

    California Native Plant Society

    CA Native Plants @lemm.ee

    California Plants for an irrigation-free Garden

    New Communities @lemmy.world

    California Native Plants- A community about plants native to CA

    CA Native Plants @lemm.ee

    Welcome and Rules

    Fuck Cars @lemmy.world

    confirmed: Bigfoot is a Foamer

    Rag & Bone Paranormal Community @lemm.ee

    Medical Spoops

    Find a Community @lemmy.ml

    a community for discussing bugs and features for lemmy

    EMS @lemm.ee

    24 hour shifts and non-urgent transfers

    EMS @lemm.ee

    Thanks to the new tax-- oops, we accidentally the whole thing

    EMS @lemm.ee

    Private EMS In Shambles

    New Communities @lemmy.world

    Rag & Bone- A community for spooky stories, real and otherwise

    Rag & Bone Paranormal Community @lemm.ee

    Weird People

    Rag & Bone Paranormal Community @lemm.ee

    Haunted Apartments in Newnan, Georgia

    New Communities @lemmy.world

    c/ems- A community for EMTs, Paramedics, and others involved in the Emergency Medical System

    EMS @lemm.ee

    Favorite War Story

    EMS @lemm.ee

    To those who left

    Rag & Bone Paranormal Community @lemm.ee
    Meta

    Welcome and Rules

    Merced @lemm.ee

    Government Representatives for Merced