Weddings

Don’t make me an unwilling participant in your embarrassing show of affection, writes Guy Walters

I clearly remember the first time I witnessed a public proposal of marriage. My wife and I were out for dinner on Valentine’s Day (when we still did things like that), and we had gone to some terribly chic and expensive restaurant in Chelsea (when we still had money).

At some point, we became aware of a kerfuffle, and it quickly emerged that a man was on one knee and holding up a ring to his dining companion, who he obviously wished to be his wife. I can recall him clearly, as he had a dodgy moustache and nasty baggy suit – we were just coming out of the nineties – and I can also recall the woman’s reaction, which was one of complete shock.

After what seemed like an age, she said yes. Because we were in a terribly chic and expensive restaurant in Chelsea, rather than applause, the only response from our fellow diners consisted of an elderly SW3 matron sourly uttering the words, “Oh for heaven’s sake”.

At the time, I thought that comment was ungracious, perhaps even downright unpleasant, but in retrospect it was absolutely right. Public proposals are an utter disgrace, and the men who make them – and it is always men – should be permanently banned from getting married. In fact, I’d go further, and require that they should be forced into some kind of treatment, as such behaviour is a massive red flag, and indicative of all sorts of psychological unpleasantness that urgently requires lancing.

If you are on social media, then you will see such public proposals regularly, and you will realise they follow the same pattern. Take the example recently posted by Dublin Airport on Instagram, complete with the cheesy caption “Love is in the air at Dublin Airport”. A stewardess is seen walking into the arrivals hall, whereupon a young man presents her with some cheap flowers. Onlookers, aware of what’s about to happen, start clapping and cheering. Then the man reaches into a bum bag by his armpit – how classy! – and fishes out a white box which evidently contains a ring, and gets down on one knee.

What happens next is telling, and is a moment that is present in every public proposal video – the woman steps back. In this instance, she steps back five times, until there is a gap of some two metres, perhaps more. She then does something else that is common to all these videos – she puts her hands over her face. There is a pause, and she then accepts. More applause by the crowd, a hug, and then the third common element – the man waves to the onlookers.

This ghastly choreography is almost identical to that which was recently seen in a video posted to Twitter by Newcastle University, in which a male graduate is seen proposing to his girlfriend just before she is about to receive her degree on stage. There are those same steps back, the hands over the face, and the smug male wave to the applauding crowd.

You do not need to be an expert in body language to see what is going on. The woman is being placed – by the man – into a state of shock and acute public embarrassment. Her ability to refuse the proposal is almost completely compromised by the presence of so many onlookers, and her agency is therefore massively diminished. It is not hard to see how some men who do this to women may in effect be practising coercive control, and any smart money would bet on the side of such men proving to be extremely manipulative husbands.

The other troubling element is the evident male narcissism. By making a private act public, such men are making the event a piece of theatre, albeit one in which only the half the cast has agreed to appear. What should be an intimate moment between two equals is now rendered into a performance that is essentially all about the man. The woman now merely has a supporting role. This is especially so in the case of the degree ceremony, in which the woman’s starring role of receiving her degree on stage was completely usurped and turned into a very different role in a very different piece of theatre by a supreme act of selfishness.

The social media managers of places such as Dublin Airport and Newcastle University should be aware that these public proposals are far from popular. The Dublin video has been watched 17.7 million times on Instagram, yet it has only garnered 1.2 million likes, which strongly suggests to me that 90 percent of viewers did not like what they saw. I cannot do the number-crunching for the graduation proposal video, because tellingly, Newcastle University has deleted the tweet in the face of much opprobrium.

The only public proposal video I ever wish to see is one in which the woman says no, and not only that, but also publicly lambasts the man for putting her in such an egregious position. This, I hope, would go viral, and make some men realise that there is a vast difference between taking control of a situation and taking control of a person. The motives behind public proposals may be romantic, but ultimately they are the very opposite of what true love means.

I can't wait to pull my dress out and try them together.

Also grateful that she purchased them for me <3

Now I need to not wear them for an entire year so I don't ruin them!!!

(Also, forgive my toe nails. My backcountry ski boots did not treat my toes well this past spring.)

I didn't think this would make me so happy but my sister and fiance were chatting in our family chat and he was talking about joining her to watch some violin videos on YouTube of her favorite violinist.

And she texted in there with my parents and him "Sis, marry this person! He's pretty cool."

And it means a lot to me that my little sister approves of my boo.

Hi all!

My partner and I were married in a super small ceremony yesterday. Attendants included our two witnesses, a dog, the photographer, and the officiant.

It was done in the backyard of my best friend’s mom in another province from where we live.

We had a month of planning, and everything turned out perfectly even though it seemed like a rough journey. It turns out I could not have planned a better day. The weather was amazing, the location ended up blowing our expectations out of the water - plus two of their neighbors also offered up their yards so we had an arbor and plenty of gardens to use for the photos.

Everything went so smoothly with the exception of one thing - but that was totally out of our control:

> (It looks like I’m coming down with shingles so I was in quite a bit of pain)

We’ve been together six years and the only people we told about the ceremony aside from my best friend and company, was my mom because I needed her help in the planning and executing. I rented the dress from someone in the province sight unseen, did my own hair and makeup, my mom made the cake and I decorated it myself the day before the wedding.

We had a lovely dinner at a local restaurant and they were super sweet.

I wouldn’t have changed anything - and I’m so happy to be a married woman.

!the cake

Hello Lemmy Weddings! When I started this community I made a low effort drawing of a lemming in a veil to use as an icon, and now that we've grown to almost 3 dozen subscribers I think we should put something a little nicer in place for our icon and banner!

Actual image submissions are welcome, as are ideas (I have some digital art ability and can whip something up if needed).

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As a huge fan of the royals, it's gotta be Prince William and Princess Catherine's for me. It was just so classic and fairytale-like. And who doesn't love Catherine's wedding dress? I remember every bride afterwards wanting her dress to be just like Catherine's.

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I am so excited, my boyfriend and I have been planning to get married relatively soon but 'engagement' was too heavy of a word for 'someday somewhat soon planning to get married' and I've just been informed that I will be getting a ring and a proposal in the near future~. This is such a big deal because my man isn't super traditional or sentimental but it's such a big deal to me so to be able to have a proposal and engagement is sending me over the moon right now and I just need to share <3 He's going to surprise me too, which I'm so excited about. It's time to binge Say Yes to the Dress and make my mood boards!

I’ve always enjoyed these but I’ve seen them at every recent wedding I’ve been to and I’m trying to figure out if it’s worth having one. Have they gotten old in anyone’s opinion?

Pimm’s Cups are special to my fiancé and I but we’re trying to figure out if we can make it work as a signature cocktail given all the garnishes! I think if we pare it down to just a cucumber slice or mint sprig that it’ll be doable.

Making my mood board was a super fun exercise in visualizing what I want for my wedding! Definitely helps with making decisions on smaller details

What dress did you wear to your wedding? What's your dream dress or style?

Spring, summer, autumn, or winter?

For me, it has to be mid-spring because of the romance in the soft color palettes and the delicate spring flowers.

Howdy!

One of the things I'll miss from Reddit is reading through all the discussion on the wedding subs, so I created this community here.

The next thing on my and my fiancé's to-do list is cake tasting, and I'm mega excited to try some flavors and pick one out!