Screaming into the void (CW: Suicide)
Screaming into the void (CW: Suicide)
spoiler
I just cant do it anymore. I couldnt handle being trans and the processes involved in transitioning before when it was tolerated and now that it puts a huge target on me its impossible. I know people will chime in about “living in defiance” of all these people but Im just not that confrontational a person. I used to have dreams of being a writer/director but my creativity/talent is at least 90% gone. Im just a 33 soon to be 34 year old Uber driver who lives at home with no real career prospects and I just dont have much to live for. Yeah my family will be sad but they have full lives outside of me. In 2019 I wrote out a list of things I want to do before suicide because I had a pretty good idea what was coming and it helped me feel way more focused and at peace. I threw it away after I thought estranging myself from my family would make me want to live. My best friend killed himself Jan 15 2020 and im so jealous of his timing. I wish I could make a new list with a target suicide date of 2026-27 but nothing even excites me enough anymore to add to it. Ive attempted once so I cant really get a firearm so when the time comes Ill probably have to hang myself somewhere. Im worried I wont pick a good spot like whatever i attach the rope to might break or I might get discovered. I suppose I could try car in the garage when my parents are on vacation but I drive a Prius and I worry it would take too long.
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That sounds really rough. I don’t mean to be harsh, but the subject matter requires a certain weight. If you don’t feel that you can live in defiance, what works for me is living in fear that a failed suicide attempt could put me in a semi-conscious coma for who knows how long. Or at least make it a murder suicide where you take a ghoul or two with you.
That's an incredibly inappropriate thing to say blight
I dont have access to firearms or ghouls and the propaganda machine works so well that it would just hurt us if I did anything.
Then poison them, hit them in the head with a shovel, choke them with dollar bills down their throat, or something else creative. The propaganda already calls us terrorists regardless, so then it doesn’t actually matter what we do.