What would get you "back to the office"?

TLDR: I would friggin' love to be back in the office for a couple days a week. Would probably never do onsite every day for any boss but myself again.

I've experienced both pure remote and hybrid remote, as well as existing for about 45 years in a world where remote work was a mythical thing you heard about but only saw on television. Even at the time that my office was 1.5 hours drive each way, I absolutely loved when I was a Sysadmin and spent three days a week at home and two at the office.

Covid came and I got full time remote for close to two years and I really did hate it, especially since when it started I was in the first couple months of a new role I had been promoted to with no experience - had I not built up a lot of love from my employer in the previous role (the promotion happened for reasons, basically I had scripted my job down to nothing at all so it was kind of a freebie for them) I would have busted out but they basically let me coast and learn whatever I could for the duration, before going under.

Had I been able to be in the office and work alongside my new teammates in that role, I would today be much further along in my career arc. I'm still doing okay, but it would have been so much better to have been in the same room with them. And as it happens, my current job is also fully remote and my employer is great but based in a different city, so at the moment unless I move halfway across the continent I'm stuck fully remote. And I like my employer, have no interest in leaving, and I think they like me, even in my current state, so probably I'm stuck there for good. Boohoo lol.

I do realize that my problems are non-problems, in actuality; I'm doing fine. But if I had my druthers I'd be going into an office and standing around the coffee machine for small chats and eating the free croissants they give out on Wednesdays. I'm not very social and those little interactions, from which one had a constant "gotta get to work" excuse to dip out at will, were just the perfect level of socialization for me, really. Going to the office is not remotely all bad, really.

But I also remember being power tripped on and micromanaged by various scumbags, so when I see these corporate fuckwits demanding everyone just make things like they used to be, I know what they're trying to do, so in the end I think if the job is doable remotely, it's up to the individual whether they want to go in, and in the long term employers are just gonna have to figure out how to handle that equitably. One instant thought I had was, pay a premium for onsite roles, or for hours done onsite. If it's really that crucial to operations that will be a sound strategy, just the cost of doing business.