Do you actually care about your friend's new baby, vacation abroad or similar life events or are you just being nice?
Do you actually care about your friend's new baby, vacation abroad or similar life events or are you just being nice?
Because I don’t, and pretending to feels dishonest. I’ll listen if they want to talk about it, but I’m not going to act interested, and I certainly won’t ask about it on my own. What I’m trying to figure out is whether people actually care, or if they’re just playing a social game that I’m simply not interested in.
I’m probably on the autistic spectrum, which likely explains this to some extent. But that’s not an excuse - being an asshole is perfectly compatible with autism, so before dunking on me, please realise I probably agree with your criticism.
You're viewing a single thread.
Do you consider yourself these people's friend?
If you're completely disinterested in their milestones, that sounds more like an acquaintance.But to your question, yes. I actually care about these things for acquaintances and random people too. There are limits to how much I care but it's not zero.
This just happened to me today. I was talking with a colleague and recalled that they had just gone on a short trip with their partner. First time away from the kids.
I asked how it was, I was a couple weeks overdue but they excitedly told me about it. It felt good to ask, did it change my day? Not really that much.
But this person was excited to share (a few weeks ago) their excitement and anticipation with me. So when I asked how it went, they got a chance to relive it and share with me the results.
All in all, they cared enough to share, I cared enough to ask and at the end of it, I felt good. I got to share in their excitement and make a person feel heard and valued AND they got to relive the excitement again.
It happens regularly.
I'd also add that I find everyday stories from real people to be vastly more engaging that the completely unbelievable stories I see on TV.