Most people aren't attracted to an entire gender so why do we frame attraction in those terms so much?
Most people aren't attracted to an entire gender so why do we frame attraction in those terms so much?
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Because most people have basic limitations for who they’re willing to accept/connect/make sex with. Most people tend to be heterosexual, so they’re only going to go with male/female pairings and that’s the only gender pairing they’re going to look at. Other people are going to be more open-minded, or were born with different preferences, and going outside traditional societal norms is fine for them. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with either viewpoint, it’s ok to have personal preferences and to have limitations about who you’re comfortable getting intimate with. We frame attraction based on our personal preferences.
So, no, I’m personally not attracted to literally every single female on the planet, but women are my personal preference/limitation, I’m only attracted to females. As a hetero male, there’s just no other way to frame my attraction, that’s just what it is. HOWEVER, there’s a vast array of other orientations out there where that sort of binary attraction doesn’t make sense and is probably counter-productive. I think that’s why we see so many different expressions of sexuality now, because people see the limitations that come from the mainstream male/female model and it can’t be used to properly explain their preferences.
Subscribed to a dating coach 20-years ago that was shockingly astute. Never paid for his materials, but the free emails basically said all there was to say. He really understood human nature as it relates to dating. He didn't talk about getting laid or how to manage a relationship, only how to get more dates, the rest being on the reader. (The asshole pickup artists took work like his, disregarded anything human about it and ran full tilt into misogyny. Can't even talk about it any more without people making assumptions.)
One thing he constantly hammered home was, "Attraction is not a choice." We have zero control over what floats our boat. He never talked manipulation games, only about how to better yourself and be more attractive. One example, women don't like meek men, so stand tall, throw your shoulders back and walk with confidence. (That's not to say one requires machismo!)
Another example, women are turned off by slovenly men. It's not like they're making some sort of calculation, they're simply turned off. The feeling is instant and unanalyzed. Men are exactly the same! Large breasts are a solid turnoff for me, but I never sat down and decided that.
I cannot imagine being a man sexually attracted to another man, but once I truly internalized that attraction is not a choice, the world made a lot more sense. LOL, and I got more dates!
Attraction might not be a choice but making an effort to be attractive or not certainly is. I am talking about the basics that anyone can achieve like hygiene, tone of the conversation,...
Absolutely! Very rare I think of someone, "Wow. There's not a thing they could do to be more attractive." LOL, it's a tough stat to max out!
Makes me sad to see so many comments about people thinking they're ugly and there's nothing to be done. One of my best friend's through school was the fattest around, by a huge margin, really freaky in the 80s. Saw a pic of him after he grew up and came out gay. My man was hot!