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Whenever I eat spicy food my tongue stops working and all I can taste is bitter and pain
Skill issue.
Fun fact about spice tolerance. Many people think tolerance = resistance but that's not the case. After a certain point, people who love spicy foods report the same levels of spiciness compared to those who don't regularly eat it, it's just that they are used to it and even like it. So something that is a 10/10 spicy is the same level of spicy for everyone, it's just some masochists prefer it to be that way.
So when people say things like "oh that wasn't that spicy" it still usually is spicy. Their personality just prefers it that way so it doesn't bother them as much.
Every now and again I crave sweat inducing, tear rolling spice, it does hurt and it is spicy but somehow I get a buzz out of it... Kinda bizzare really.
I'm fairly certain that tolerance does mute the spiciness of foods. There are foods others struggle with that I hardly notice is even spicy.
It feels more like building a muscle than building a skill.
Genetics play a bit of a factor and your taste buds do develop more as you get older. But if you're comparing tongue for tongue, the tingly/pain sensations are rated to be more or less the same.
Yes, your tastebuds become "jaded." It's part of why little kids don't tend to like any spiciness at all.
My jerk chicken isn't hot enough unless I'm crying from both my eyes and my nose after 5 wings. Anything less and it's just mild jerk wings.